Here I am lying on the bed alone with a lot of overthinking, negative thoughts worrying that time is going too fast because it's almost Christmas, worrying I've achieved very little, worrying about dying early, worrying about being "left behind" by everyone else due to age and people getting married and so on and here am I feeling this way in my 30s feeling as though the end of the world is coming despite having 50 or more years of life ahead and acting like I'm a late middle aged or elderly man with less time to live.
I'm also have these thoughts that apart from my family other people I was friends or wanted to be friends with wouldn't care much if was gone but I don't feel like acting on something like that knowing it would cause more harm to my family than good and don't want to put them through that and I'm too cowardly. I feel like releasing all the tears thinking it will make me better.
