Craving mutilation (cutting)

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You're not alone. Let me add one to your noteworthy list.

Masochist

Better than cutting.

plenty of activities push physical limits, without "cutting" or mutilation per se. for example: jogging.

On my easier said than done list, I would respectfully suggest the almost but not quite impossible task of developing more coping skills.

Chair workouts. No dogs, no cars. No equipment. It helps with energy and health. (exhausted all the time. i need to eat less, not exercise more. b/c sooner or later, i will be too old/disabled/injured/sick/busy to workout so much.)

When a job feels like it is going south, start looking for another.

been looking for jobs. zero offers. according to the internet, plenty of companies have been conducting massive layoffs. even if i got a job offer, there's no way to know, before getting there, if the job will be better or worse than my current dumpsterfire"job". usually it's just one or two precious lil "people" destroying my dumpsterfire "job". otherwise the "job" itself is fine.


Don't cling. Be picky about your environment if you can ... to avoid overload. For me, no flickering fluorescent lights. No open office workspaces. i don't have much of a choice. it's not like i have any job offers.

Take the risk, tell your employer and ask for just one tiny accomodation ... noise cancelling headphones. All it costs them is a tap on your shoulder. (noise cancelling headphones won't "help" me because i have to be able to hear the cars before the customers have the nerve to run me over with their cars.)

Count calories. Not carbs, not fat, just calories because it is simple, available everywhere, and scales with portion size. I know this sucks, and I know it is hard, merciful lord I know. Just keep the tally in your head. When you eat, how many calories do you add, and continue. Set a *slightly* ... as in small ... reduction to what you eat every week. (been counting calories for a long time and got nowhere.)

For sleeping, try melatonin. It's cheap, effective, natural, and you don't get hooked. Take one 30 min before you hit the hay. (went through a bottle of melatonin. zero positive or negative impacts).

Tell your sister she's going to get cooties if she leaves you homeless. (i have absolutely zero power or control, as usual).

We are not, as a generalized whole, well suited to classroom instruction. Pick a field you can teach yourself and stop regretting it. Flogging yourself for your nature pumps your anxiety and remains an unsolvable problem. Pick a field you can teach yourself. My degree is in chemistry, but I picked IT for this reason. I go from zero to expert faster than anyone and earn a check on that skill alone. (brainfog. brain turned "off". exhausted all the time. no way i could learn anything as sophisticated as IT or chemistry.... speaking of Chemistry - "constant exhaustion" is the "limiting reagent" of my "life". or one of several limiting reagents). one time i went to a job interview at a Senior Center and i told the interviewer that i used to volunteer at a different senior center. the interviewer had the nerve to ask me "just four weeks?" for "just six hours a week?" "and all you did was talk to them?".. then i went to a job interview @ a youth center. the job interviewer said that the mentor and the youth spend "quality time" "bonding" doing "fun activities." the senior center job interviewer acted like i was supposed to have done "200 hours a week" for "ten years" of "quality time" "bonding" [what kind of "bonding", covalent or ionic?].

Mask. I'm so sorry to say this to you, but you just have to practice. Observe how neurotypicals behave and attempt to mimic. Repeat until exhaustion claims you. Find another job. Lather, rinse, repeat. I wish I were wrong.

And last, but not least, take a valuable lesson from a gaudy piece of ceramic hanging on my grandfather's kitchen wall.

"When you get to the end of your rope, hang in there."

Or, if you prefer the Nemo version, then get on your knees and offer your thanks to Guru Dory:

"Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming." Play it over in your head like a song you cannot expel until you cannot expel it.

You're not alone. We're both going to make it.

hateful inarticulate

craving