Forgiveness; grudge , "thin line between love and hate"

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There are a few people at my work, who are still there I've hated for years and I will celebrate the day karma gets them. There are a couple ex-coworkers who let's just say got their just desserts, especially one that tried to get me fired once. Then another Ex-co-worker who finally got exposed for his BS, I knew the guy was no good from the start but everyone else seemed to think he was this great guy. In reality he was bully, loudmouth, hard ass wannabe, and just a piece of s--t.

While not always, at times people in the workplace get theirs's. When it happens, I laugh my head off.

^
Yes we had one like that but he never got found out. Mercifully he left after a couple of years. Spoiled everything he did. Apart from myself there was only one other person there who knew what he was up to.

Like loosing a loved one, can’t forget, can’t let go. Can just learn to live with it. I ruminate for years, even decades. Consumed large amount of content finding different ways of handling it. I've accepted the reality, don't fight it and just let it play in the background while I focus on more important things. Such as not bringing it up.

My 2 cents here:
Love - Hate
For me it boils down to whom do we give ownership of our minds.
When facing a similar "I hate" dilemma, I humbly ask the question can and will I take action in the outside world(outside of my head I mean ) to change any of the parameters here? If the answer, as is so often the case, a resounding "no". I actively inhibit myself of thinking about this person/situation. And after a day or so this gets to be my default state. This does not imply that I necessarily forgive someone, as this needs to be earned, it just makes it so that the deficit they need to bridge before receiving the authority to bounce around in my head has increased.

hope this helps,
kind regards,
Kada

There'll be no forgiveness for those who've wronged me.

According to The Cult Of Cartman, "if thine enemy offendeth thee, thou shalt wreak thy vengeance a thousandfold." Say what we will, I think there's a little bit of Cartman in all of us.

I've forgiven the people who have wronged me.

Eye for eye, tooth for tooth—
But vengeance ends, uncouth and mute,
Where blind men stumble, toothless too,
And justice fades with none to sue.

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"hating people takes energy", but loving people takes energy too.

"thin line between love and hate". love and hate both lead to actions and statements that later get regretted.

some precious lil "people" act like everything is a "serious crime" and "not forgivable". "pick your battles" sounds like good advice, but some precious lil "people" pick ALL the battles.

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mister redelings and amy shyu should not have had the nerve to tell me that it was "lying" for me to ask them to call me "he" instead of "she". (san diego 2006, before 2012 EEOC gender identity laws). mister redelings should not have had the nerve to bark @ me like he was all "holier than thou" and i was "public enemy number one".

both insects had ample opportunity to just email me a written apology. that doesn't sound unreasonable and only takes a couple seconds. their failure to do so shows that they don't "care" about anyone that is not just like them (even though it seems like they care about a lot of people, everyone they "care" about cares about them vice versa. and everyone they "care" about is just like them. their myers briggs type is in the majority). (moral illusion).

amy lee scheel acted all "holier than thou". numerous times, that stupid lil girl had the nerve to flake on me. she treated me like i was not a priority. she talked to much, interrupted me, said "what" instead of "excuse me". stupid lil girl.

High school psychology instructor said that the things that you do not like about other people are the same things you do not like about yourself

Correct

However "hatred" is not a finite commodity. (Like cash)

"Hatred" is like igniting a flame

Matthew 5:39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.

So one drawback with doing this in 2026 is you make yourself an easy target for being a victim of ongoing bullying. I practiced non-violence in school and I simply made myself a target for psychological bullying (virtually 12 years of it) because I did not stand up for myself. In the workplace people take not standing up for yourself as you being a carpet they can walk over to either further their careers or harass/bully.

Parents, school counsellors, head masters, co-workers and bosses all expect unless you make yourself "assertive" people will walk all over you. And here comes a couple of big dilemmas...

a) Standing up for yourself as a schoolboy can create more brutal retaliation leading to physical consequences
b) Standing up to enemies at work makes you a troublemaker and you get blamed

No amount of advice (lip service) can stop bullying (even subtle/covert). So naturally those of us who realise you are damned if you do and damned if you do get courage to face your tormentors.

And then (often well meaning) people in your life tell you not to "hate" and love everyone equally.

I am stating the obvious for many of us in this world. So what are the solutions to deal with hate?
1. Self medicate (alcohol and drugs)
2. immerse yourself in religion
3. psychotherapy
4. antidepressants
5. Isolate yourself to minimise your pain

I kind of end up at 1. and 5 too. but there is also a number 6.
6. Find purpose

@shortfatbalduglyman I recommend finding something to be passionate about - take your mind off people you hate

I used to think forgiveness meant that what someone did was ok and that it meant I owed them the same relationship. Which can happen if the offender is truly sorry and changes their ways or doesn’t commit the offense again. All of that depends on each individual person/situation obviously.

Now I think of forgiving more as radical acceptance which is choosing not to suffer from the offense. That doesn’t justify it, doesn't mean it didn’t hurt, etc etc etc.

I have a lot of anger from people that hurt me and radically accepting that has been very hard. Because where is the justice especially when they have done it over and over?

I now distance myself from those people even though it hurt to do so because for me personally it was the only way to have boundaries and let go of the extreme bitterness.

Two quotes that resonated with me

“Bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies”

“ When embarking on a journey of revenge, dig two graves”

about four weeks ago, head cashier angela d and ASM gabriel had the nerve to tell me that they were looking for me for 90 minutes and couldn't find me and "why does the lot look like s**t?".

told those idiots that i was pushing the carts between the "no parking" and the "no smoking" signs.

neither idiot believed me.

told him to look @ the video tape.

four weeks later, the portal still doesn't have any write ups. but neither insect gave me an apology. they were not "held accountable".

those cockroaches should've gotten forced to write me a letter of apology and they should've gotten made redundant.

if they could do something like that and get away with it, then what prevents them from doing anything worse?

a priori, it is necessary to define my "demands" (expectations, boundaries).

and no, amy LS, former "friend", the fact that "people do it all the time" does NOT give you a moral "right" to do it.

but around some insects like tattletale tom, those lil spiders act like THEY have a moral "right" to veto anything i do just b/c they do not like or understand it, while i do not have the vice versa moral "right" to veto anything they do. (double standards).

with etiquette (or lack thereof) like that, there is NO WAY tattletale and i could be "bros" or "buddy" or anything like that. unless something really extreme happens and i feel otherwise. but i find it hard to imagine.