Finding myself avoiding my nephew

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Sometimes on a Wednesday my mum goes and picks up my nephew from school and stays round for a couple of hours but sometimes I find myself if I'm not working on that day or out somewhere and I'm indoors, I'll sometimes stay in my room pretending I'm not here. On days when I don't stay in my room, it is hard to not have him following me upstairs. As a result I will stay downstairs so he doesn't follow me.

Like me, he is probably autistic as well as got ADHD, he goes into a meltdown for example, if someone goes upstairs to the toilet and flushes it as though he has missed out and wants that person to return so that he didn't miss out. I do get sometimes irritated by the things he has on repeat on the phone. I sometimes wish I was someone who enjoyed the company of children. He is 6 now but I think is mentally younger. I feel like I should have come to terms with it by now.

I feel like a bad example of an uncle, I remember as a kid I enjoyed the company of one of my uncles, my mum's brother as he was always funny and social whereas my other uncle, my dad's brother was the opposite, he was more reserved.

Is it that you feel awkward and don't know how to communicate with children in general, or because you can't communicate with your nephew in particular?

Growing up, i was not really maternal and did not know how to act around small children. Then i met my friend's daughter and i noticed that i adore her. I don't know if it was because she is a very sweet little girl who is really friendly, or if it was bc she is my friends' daughter, but i really enjoy playing games and watching cartoons with her. Spending time with her makes me happy and more positive.

Of course every child and every situation is different. If you worry you are not being a good uncle, i think that shows you care about your nephew, and about being a good uncle.

If you want to connect with him, maybe try to observe what he likes to do, and what makes him happy. Whatever happens, don't feel discouraged. Some people are not by nature maternal/paternal and thats okay.

You don't come across as a bad uncle, i think. It is normal to not understand children's talk, i struggle with it too with friends' kids. I also think it is normal to be annoyed by tantrums or meltdowns. Even parents get their patience tested sometimes.

For example my friend who has a 4 yo son sometimes says she feels as though she does not have enough patience to take care of her son. But i think she is a very good and caring mother.

You don't have to feel positive feelings for your nephew all the time. Its normal to get annoyed and feel awkward sometimes. That said, i think it is important to still stay patient and act kindly to kids, even when it is hard. Especially if he has developmental delay, he might not have the ability to stop meltdowns.