I hate being a non-drinker

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Everyone at work often talk about alcohol. As a teetotaller, it feels like I'm living in an alcoholic society (please don't misinterpret that as calling everyone who drinks an alcoholic). I often feel left out, wondering if there's anybody out there who is a non-drinker like me? It's like people bond over discussing alcohol and their experiences with it, especially social experiences, like "yeah me and my friends went to this bar, got really pissed, then went to another bar..." It just sounds like extreme neurotypicalism, even though plenty of Aspies get drunk and go to bars with friends too.

As an Emetophobe, I'm frightened to drink. One time I drank just half a glass of wine, and that night I felt really sick, even though I wasn't even drunk at all. Then another time I was on vacation with my family and had a couple of alcoholic drinks (can't remember what now) and I had stomach pains and gas afterwards, which made me feel nauseous.

I just can't bring myself to drink any alcohol, although I so badly want to, just to be like everyone else. They're talking about meeting up outside of work and I'm so scared I'm not going to be invited because I don't drink. But even if they were going to a bar I'd still love to be invited, because I get on well with them at work and so I'd just go for the social enjoyment and come away when I feel the drunken behaviour of people around me getting too intimidating. I do like socialising and I naturally have an interest in people, but I just don't drink.

I might mention it casually to my best friend at work tomorrow. I love her because I can really be myself around her and I know she doesn't judge. I'll just say that if they do organise a meet-up outside of work then I'd be quite happy to join in. She did invite me to her Halloween party, which I willingly went to, so I don't think she'd mind me coming out with them.

But whenever I'm in a group of any people and the subject of alcohol gets brought up, I always feel a little bit depressed. In one way I'm happy with being a non-drinker, but when I feel reminded of how alienating it can feel to be a non-drinker, I suddenly feel like an outsider and it's a trigger for depression and wishing I was somebody else.

I get it. I used to drink on occasion (never to the point of getting intoxicated, I've seen how people are like when drunk), and ever since I have been unable to because of medications, it's been frustrating. I always get a weird look when I decline an offer for a drink, or even if I just ask for a glass of water. I used to try to make a joke about it ("I'm high on life, and anything else would be over the top", or something along those lines), but I've just given up and started saying "I don't drink because of meds".

I am the same. I am hypersensitive to how alcohol tastes and my older brother used to terrorize me when he got drunk so I don’t have positive impressions of alcohol. It’s made me the odd person out in terms of socialization.

Honestly, if someone's main hobby is getting $hitfaced, then I view that person as a loser. I hate the way people act when they're drunk, and I can't stand drinking culture. From what I've heard, the UK is kind of the epicenter for drinking culture, and I don't understand why. Getting wasted is so trashy. And at least in the US, we're used to thinking of the Brits as being very refined and well-mannered.

Yes, it's irritating when people at work are comparing who acts the worst when drunk.
"Oh I turn into an aggressive a**hole when drunk!"
"Really? That's nothing, I pull my pants down when I'm drunk!"
"I got banned from three bars in my town!"
And they all smile approvingly at each other as if they should be rewarded. Why would you be proud to be an aggressive a**hole, or pull your pants down in public, or get yourself banned from bars? But the way they sound so proud about it just baffles me. It makes me feel so isolated. I just wish I lived in a society where only about 30-40% of the adult population drank, rather than like 95%.

I also feel left out when people talk about how bad-ass they were at high school.
"Me and my mates, we were bunking off lessons and the caretaker caught us and we ran off."
"That's nothing - me and my mates sneaked a puff of weed in science and the teacher couldn't figure out who done it."
I had none of that fun at high school, having being diagnosed with this s**t so early on so having a mentor watching over me all through school which isolated me from having friends because they were embarrassed to hang out with someone who needed a learning support worker in school. So I never got to witness any fun and games with bunking off and trying weed. Not saying it's right, but it's just what most kids do and have memories of that they can now laugh about.

But me?
"Oh how was your school life?"
"It was s**t. I had no friends, I was thick as s**t, and I got bullied because I was pathetic and scared of my own shadow."

If I ever find who forced my parents to get me assessed and diagnosed, I'll make them pay for ruining my social life.

I know I would feel more connected socially if alcohol wasn't a social norm.

I'm also a teetotaler. Give me some root beer (soda), tea, coffee, and flavored water any day.

I had some wine yesterday at a family gathering, because even the children there were allowed a little bit, and my elderly grandmother only turned it down because of all the medication she is on. I felt refusing even one glass would be too stubborn of me even as a teetotaler, so I had one and drank it contentedly. I do like the taste of wine, not gonna lie.

I did envy everyone else who had one glass of alcohol after another without batting an eye. Then they got more relaxed and chatty. While I love being sociable, I do have social anxiety that I'm trying to look into overcoming. I know that I pick up on social cues and body language and instinctively know how to respond to most social cues most of the time but I tend to overthink and then shy away from asking any questions about themselves. If I had a few drinks, I probably wouldn't have this issue. I mean I can make eye contact, in fact I like eye contact because it's like a connection and non-verbally gives the impression that you're willing to talk to them, to which they respond. Smalltalk and other social pleasantries get exchanged, until my social instinct tells me "now's the time to ask them what sort of job they do". Then I stop and think, "no, I can't ask them, I just can't. What if they get distracted while I'm asking? What if they think I'm nosy, even though it feels a very appropriate question right now." Then all this unnecessary overthinking has led to the conversation drying up and I stand awkwardly and am like, "well...I best be going...it was nice to meet you".

So it's not like I don't know how to engage socially. It's just this weird anxiety and doubt I get, even though instinctively I know full well what social cues go where.

Analogy: Walking is natural for me, but as soon as I become conscious of it, I suddenly imagine myself stumbling or tripping or twisting my ankle, and become doubtful of my own ability to walk. Same with socialising; it's easy, but sudden consciousness (self-consciousness I should say) suddenly makes it feel weird all of a sudden and I become shy. I think it comes from masking my ADHD, as when meeting people I don't want to be too impulsive or hyperactive or goofy. That's what can lead to bullying by the judgemental types. It's happened before at work, where someone got the wrong idea that I was a liar and a thief when all I really was was impulsive and nervous and intended to cause no harm. So I have to be careful of who I am my usual ADHD self around and who I feel I have to be serious and "normal" around.

I haven't drunk since my mid 20's. Started drinking far too early (11) by 20 something I was done. Find being honest with people works, as everyone knows where they stand. No I will not be everyone's designated driver even if they pay for Pepsi the whole night!

I have never drank enough to find out what my social anxiety would be like after a few.

These days I call drinking ''conforming''.