Why would mom get involved if her daughter cheated?

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Anon109
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Yesterday, 6:55 pm

She is intellectual disabled and don’t know better. She is a serial cheater because of impulse problems related to her disability. Typical people don’t have their parents telling the boyfriend for them they cheated why is it different for an intellectual disabled adult that cheated the parents have to get involved? What’s so different? She’s an adult.



funeralxempire
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Today, 12:19 am

I don't really think it's any of a parent's business if their kid cheats on a partner, even before they're an adult. That detail isn't really any of their business at least when it comes to their relationship with their kid.

That said, if they like their kid's partner they might feel a moral obligation because they don't want to see a person they're fond of be treated like that. If the partner assumes they're in a monogamous relationship and requires needing to be able to assume that as one of the conditions of the relationship (which is a fairly common social norm), your parents might feel they owe it to him.

If you don't want your folks to snitch to your partner either don't get caught so they're not put in that position, or date people they dislike so they won't care, or don't do it so that you won't have to worry about the consequences to your own actions being a problem later.

You're assuming this isn't something people of average and/or higher intellect don't also encounter. They do, but sometimes they're better positioned and/or equipped to conceal their behaviour from their parents. The more independent one is from their parents, the less their parents can interfere in their affairs.

So, what's so different? You got caught and your parents like your boyfriend enough to feel they oughta let him know.

As for don't know better, not everyone is willing to accept that line of reasoning for behaviour they find problematic, often because they (whether right or wrong) see it as a failure of self-discipline, rather than an issue of not being aware. I feel like knowing the behaviour is called cheating suggests you know better, but don't agree that it's a problem, or believe it's not a problem when you do it or something closer to that ballpark.

I don't believe it's a problem when the partner knows and freely agrees.
I'm willing to guess your parents believe it is a problem and aren't willing to accept the framing that you don't know better.


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Anon109
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Today, 9:08 am

funeralxempire wrote:
I don't really think it's any of a parent's business if their kid cheats on a partner, even before they're an adult. That detail isn't really any of their business at least when it comes to their relationship with their kid.

That said, if they like their kid's partner they might feel a moral obligation because they don't want to see a person they're fond of be treated like that. If the partner assumes they're in a monogamous relationship and requires needing to be able to assume that as one of the conditions of the relationship (which is a fairly common social norm), your parents might feel they owe it to him.

If you don't want your folks to snitch to your partner either don't get caught so they're not put in that position, or date people they dislike so they won't care, or don't do it so that you won't have to worry about the consequences to your own actions being a problem later.

You're assuming this isn't something people of average and/or higher intellect don't also encounter. They do, but sometimes they're better positioned and/or equipped to conceal their behaviour from their parents. The more independent one is from their parents, the less their parents can interfere in their affairs.

So, what's so different? You got caught and your parents like your boyfriend enough to feel they oughta let him know.

As for don't know better, not everyone is willing to accept that line of reasoning for behaviour they find problematic, often because they (whether right or wrong) see it as a failure of self-discipline, rather than an issue of not being aware. I feel like knowing the behaviour is called cheating suggests you know better, but don't agree that it's a problem, or believe it's not a problem when you do it or something closer to that ballpark.

I don't believe it's a problem when the partner knows and freely agrees.
I'm willing to guess your parents believe it is a problem and aren't willing to accept the framing that you don't know better.

The question is how do I better conceal it from my parents?