Am I Too Blame?

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Hello,
I have always been autistic since I was born but my dad blames the vaccinations but I ain't gonna get into that can of conspiracy worms. I have been recently diagnosed by my therapist as having BPD, which really makes since now that I think about it. I have been a particularly moody and angry person with my dad's aggression towards the world gave me a bad impression and made me feel horrible now that I remember my upbringing.

I wanted to also state I have bad social anxiety ever since the middle of high school with the fear of being around a walmart and seeing another student from the same school made me hard to go in there. But I am proud to say that I am now able to go into a Walmart without issues.

But my biggest issue for some reason is my interactions with the trans community. I consider myself a Ally for the longest time as I am very supportive but I have had too instances of negative encounters and make me scared to ask myself....If I am the problem?

1. The most minor instance was my interaction with a trans person was at my local Wegmans, and I told them I recognized them from a inappropriate site but it got represented by them and the manager, that I was asking them out. I have since been afraid of the Wegmans due to my encounter with them.

2. The Second and most recent encounter, is actually a current endeavor as of this month. I had tried to make my first trans friend (and potiental partner which obviously for reasons I will talk about later, didn't work out). I made friends and we bonded very well in my opinion, but that's all it is, an opinion. I became atttracted to them and they liked me back I think, but I grew to love them and over time my impatience and anger issues got the best of me and I got angry with them between Christmas and New years of 2 years ago. They "broke up" with me and since then I can't even go into a neighboring town (where they reside btw) and I am afraid to go back and see them at a parade I go to for S*cidal Awareness Day because of there presence there. Last year I had a full blown anxiety attack and melted down into a puddle of childish sadness.

But moving on. I need to know if my diagnoses are to blame or am I solely to blame for these issues???.

BPD is a really tricky thing to live with. Thankfully it has an extremely high remission mate, but you need extensive and sustained therapy for that to be a possibility. I'm sorry you have to put up with this, and wish you luck.

A minor life lesson: it's never appropriate to introduce yourself to a stranger by mentioning you saw them on an inappropriate site, except maybe at a porn convention.