Social Anxiety and Autism

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Autism can often bring about social anxiety, because you're weird - and people don't get it. Not because autism automatically causes social anxiety, but because the social environment can make anxiety a pretty understandable adaptation.

This last point is important: autism doesn't automatically cause social anxiety. In fact, if you manage to get rid of it completely, you may turn into some kind of super hero that everyone wants to talk to.

Getting rid of social anxiety doesn't necessarily remove the underlying social mismatch, but traits which looked awkward under anxiety can become unusually compelling once the fear is gone. Directness becomes confidence, intense interests become enthusiasm, unconventional thinking becomes originality, and reduced concern for social convention can read as authenticity rather than awkwardness.

That said, exposure therapy can cut both ways. The more important lesson is to accept that you're weird, and realize that you only want to keep people who also accept that weirdness anyway. f**k the rest.

The goal is not to become socially normal; it is to stop being governed by fear of being abnormal.

^Well said.

Thanks. I hope this helps someone.

I don't know what my issue is. It seems above and beyond autism though. Basically, for me to meet people, I need to be able to interact with them over a period of time on a shared project or activity. I need to get to know them this way to learn if they're someone I want to get to know more by talking and engaging them in conversation. It's backwards. Most people talk to people first to get to know them.

For me, I need to have something to talk about. If we're working on a project/activity together, that provides a valid subject and by observation, I can tell if that person is someone I'd like to get to know more. This makes it extremely hard to meet people.

My church is having their annual church picnic in a few weeks. I've been a member of the church for several years and I don't know anyone. Even though there will be hundreds of people at the picnic, it's not a viable way for me to meet anyone as I would have no valid reason to talk to anyone there.

If your church is going to have a picnic, then you should volunteer to help in some way. Churches offer lots of opportunities to volunteer, I would think.

I figured out that my issue was being transgender. People routinely perceived as female, despite being assigned male at birth. There wasn't anything I could to to change that, so I figured it was far easier to dress as a small petite female with an hourglass figure. I think I look good in a two piece bathing suit without any medical intervention.
Now I could easily have positive social interactions instead of awkward ones with poor communications.
Now I have random social interactions several times a week.