babybird wrote:
I wonder if upbringing can have an effect on this as well
I think its quite easy to make an already sensitive child into an overly sensitive one by always pointing out how they are making other people feel
I knew a woman who used to tell her son that everyone was looking at him and laughing at him every time he cried or made a noise or had some kind of tantrum or whatever
He was a wreck later on in life because he thought he was more aware of other people's feelings than anyone else was
My girlfriend is extremely likely on the spectrum & was raised with some extreme religious like beliefs pushed onto her like thoughts have power & feeling pride is a sin; like if she has a negative thought about someone & then something bad happens to them it's her fault because she had the thought. Cass was basically taught that she's a horrible person if she could make others feel better but does not, especially when it's family.
Cass's brother W on the other hand had has been diagnosed with Aspergers since he was little. W had lots of health issues growing up & he experienced a bit of abuse growing up from being bullied at school. W & Cass are opposite extremes with empathy & sympathy. W is a bit of a narcissist who's very critical of others issues especially Cass's despite him also having some of the same issues. He's like a narcissist who hates himself & projects all his own issues onto other's, especially family. When Cass complains to him about things in her life or health he tells her she needs to just tough up & deal with it & other such harsh statements. However if Cass would do the same to him or come off like she is, he'll throw a massive fit. He complains to family about how bad his childhood was compared to Cass & their other two siblings but W does not seem to comprehend that the entire family household was majorly struggling due to raising 4 kids & their dad always being at work earning less the state minimum-wage to provide for all six of them. When debating W or contradicting him when he's wrong about something he gets mad & accuses Cass & family of always trying to start arguments with him. However W often contradicts things they say & accuses them of being wrong & a bit of those times he is the one actually wrong. In the past W has accused Cass & other family members of not loving him in order to get his way with things like when they get upset with his demands & him being being very critical of them or if they would try setting boundaries with him. Cass & family feel guilty & give in & let W get his way.
A major problem is that Cass is going there to visit W every month & stays a few nights there. He's demanding about the rules Cass & their mom have to follow while there. He has sometimes suddenly changed his rules without warning which started bad arguments with him & when they got upset W's response was something like he was just trying to push their buttons. W has never once came here to visit Cass. He claims he can not come here due to his agoraphobia but he goes out a lot in the town he lives in & interacts with lots of various people & so-called friends. Their other brother has offered to bring him here before. A bit of the jobs W had were in retail interacting with customers. That does not sound like agoraphobia to me but I do get that he experiences bad anxiety sometimes. Going out is hard for Cass because of her various physical & mental issues including her own anxiety but she pushes herself to spend a few nights with him every month. W often complains about Cass living too far away from him & for a long time now he's been pushing for Cass to move closer to him & the main reason he gives for her needing to move is that it would be a lot easier for her to visit him if she lived closer. Moving to W's town would be majorly limiting to both Cass & me due to things being majorly spread out & having an almost non-existent public transportation system. Instead of telling him she's not planning on moving Cass started telling him she's planning to in the future to pacify him & prevent an argument.
Cass has a one-sided relationship with her uncle as well but he's bipolar & schizophrenic & since his issues are not autism related I won't go into the relationship dynamics.
W is probably a major reason why Cass thinks I'm very easy for her to be with. Cass gives herself with close family & friends till she can not give anymore & then she kind of breaks down for a while. I readily admit that I have lots of various issues, problems, & faults. However I
usually really
try to help her how I can. I'm very protective of her, I
try encouraging her to set boundaries & for her to speak up for herself more including with me. I know she can not be there for others like me & her family if she does not take care of herself as well. I feel very bad when she's upset but I'm sometimes very bad at figuring out what to do on my own without some directing. I know very d@mn well that I'm extremely lucky to have her because very few people would be as accepting, understanding, & supportive of me as she is.
24 Jan 2026, 6:43 am
