How did you start dating?

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These are systematic problems that can be addressed only as a community, not as individuals.

Solving the money problem, for all but a few of us, will require new models of work and employment. (I have some thoughts about this that I'll share later, when I have more time.)

The unusual special interests can be harnessed to help people make friends, at least within the community.

Those who have meltdowns would have fewer of them in a more autistic-friendly world. Yet another problem that can best be solved as a community.


Significantly more autistics (especially men) want them than have them. We need to figure out how the community can make this easier.

For those who don't want them, it's not a problem.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 21 Nov 2018, 8:00 pm, edited 4 times in total.

I've never been on a traditional date.

Personal problems are not community issues.

One person's bad attitude driving other people away? Change the one person's attitude, not the community standards of civil behavior. While there is such a thing a "Mercy Dating", no one is obligated to date a creep.

I'm not advocating mercy dating, or the dating of creeps. Please re-read my post. A community can't and shouldn't dictate whom people will date, but can and should help solve various underlying problems.

Autistics, especially autistic men, have trouble finding relationships for many reasons, not all of which boil down to them having bad attitudes or being creeps.

Of course, insofar as they do have bad attitudes, they as individuals do need to change those attitudes too.

I never really done the whole dating thing. I met my 3 girlfriends on forums, the ladder two were this one. M e & my 1st girlfriend were friends a while before she told me she liked me & I realized I liked her too. I sort of jumped into a realtionship with the ladder two before really knowing them.

I've had boyfriends and been in relationships, but I've never been on the traditional type of date where the man says "I'll pick you up on Saturday at 7", and then I worry all week about what to wear. I'm not saying that traditional dating is desirable but, in my case, "evolved friendships" always burned out.

Have you read any of the various "I can't get a girlfriend" threads on this website? As a community, many of us have been trying for years to get certain members to change their attitudes with regards to themselves, to women, and to relationships between men and women. And what is the result? We have become their "detractors" only because we keep pushing the idea that they should make the necessary changes to make themselves more attractive to women, instead of expecting the women to be attracted to them first, before they will make the necessary changes.

That old saw about leading horses to water applies to every one of them.

I wish I had been told by a girl: "Pick me up at 8....and don't be late!" LOL

I've had a few conventional "dates."

There's something to be said for old-fashioned manners. I would have loved to go on dates in Cary Grant / Irene Dunne style, and pick a pretty dress to wear. It's easy to idealise, though.

Once, I actually had to talk to the father of a woman before I went out on a date with her!

My dad liked my first boyfriend because he had a boat. (Priorities?) lol
It was all downhill from there though, as he was very protective of me.

To avoid further derailing of this thread, I should probably continue my discussion with Fnord in one of the "Incels" threads. I'll probably be posting there later, maybe tomorrow.

Edit: Continuing the discussion with Fnord here, in Fnord's thread More Thought on Incels.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 21 Nov 2018, 10:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have never been on a date and have only been in one romantic relationship my entire life.

I've been on a few dates (not counting with girls who were already my girlfriend), but as far as I can remember, none of them turned out very well.

I might have an upcoming date soon, I'm already nervous just thinking about it

Be polite and chivalrous, and listen to what your date says. You can't go wrong being a nice person! Good luck!

I never been on a date. I had one boyfriend, we never dated, I wanted to go out with him, I jumped into a relationship with him without really knowing him.