Should autistic people date younger when it's NTs?

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When I was working at a workshop in the early 90s, I was 20 when I got a boyfriend, he was 19, he was very immature 19 year old, I was almost 21. I was always interested in younger guys, I didn’t know about my Aspergers then. I’m 49, my ex-boyfriend is 43, on OkCupid, I’m interested in guys that are 37, but under 35 seems too young I guess.

My daughter's 14 and tells me off/corrects me all the time

No this is some random 3yr old girl...she was trying to be helpful

On a serious note: older NTs would actually be more mature/tolerant so it might actually be the other way around. An older NT male (for example) might be willing to make more allowances for an Aspie girl if she is younger.

When I started dating, girls my age weren't interested in me. I was all into stability, security, finding a good future - and that wasn't what got their interest. I was 21 when I married a 29 year old (severely NT) woman - and we were married for 33 years. My wife passed away two years ago, and now that I'm 60 I won't even consider a woman under 55. On the dating website, the difference is obvious. Hardly any woman under 55 actually fills out their profile with anything other than canned responses and generics. Kids will be kids, I guess...

Good advice

Well, my best friend is 11 years younger than me, but I don't think she's an aspie. She blows me out of the water with some of her emotional skills. She can act bubbly and cheerful while stone-cold sober, whereas I need 3 shots of vodka to act the same way. Which balances out my borderline misanthropic mindset.

That said, she's less jaded than I am. So when me and her are out together, I have to exercise due diligence in shielding her from sketchy people. Like, when we're walking downtown, and a sketchy guy starts talking to her, I cut in and divert his attention onto myself. He gets why I'm doing that, because evolution. Which makes him lose interest. He doesn't want to talk to a jaded 36-year-old dude; he wants to talk to a cute young woman.

When I was in my early 30s before getting married I was friends with a girl who I was very attracted to but she always friend zoned me whenever I made my feelings known. Eventually I decided our friendship wasn't really working when she would share one too many of her one night stand stories with men who were really not very nice either physically or mentally. I kind of felt unappreciated.

There is an ongoing debate among NTs as to whether it's possible to be friends with a girl if you are both single. The answer is yes but that it's only possible when neither person is attracted to each other. If one party is attracted to the other and the other is not then no.

If you read your post you refer to your friend as a "cute young woman" and you intervene when a random guy talks to her. I think you feel you can be more than just a best friend.

When I was young (20-28) most of the woman interested in me more than physically were significantly older. I attribute this to their being mature enough to look past my AS weirdness.

After a certain age, most of the women interested in me more than physically were significantly younger. I attribute this to their being immature enough to look past my lack of my social respectability.

Relationships scare me. I want nothing to do with one. Two of my friends turned into insufferable 70-year-olds in 30-year-old bodies, the minute they moved in with their girlfriends (now wives). They stopped going out, the stopped enjoying life, all they do now for fun is have boring dinner parties with other couples. I attended one, and wanted to stick my head in the oven! They way the couples acted, both with each other and with other couples, looked very intense and insincere at the same time. And it seems like the women require that lifestyle.

I only intervene to protect my friend when the guy looks sketchy, and when you're in a big downtown, many are. I don't intervene if the guy seems cool or if it's a relatively safe setting, like a house party or a history museum. It's for her safety, and she told me she appreciates it. This friendship has the fun factor a relationship could never have. The only sad part is that in 5 years, this girl will be 30, and may start wanting the usual boring couple life.

Last but not least, sex disgusts me. Both from seeing what my friends turned into and from being on Effexor. So the incentive to get into a relationship is nonexistent. Plus, sex with her feels wrong somehow, because she's so nice.

Welcome to my world. You seem familiar with how married people live. Except my wife and I prefer to be loners and don't entertain.



Thanks for the extra information. I think if you really want to be her friend, let her make her own mistakes with men and only if she asks you then give your opinion. If she chooses to jump into a long term relationship then just be supportive. She would really love you to still be in your life as a friend (My sister is married but her best friend is male and the two have a mutual understanding to always be there for one another; also my brother in law is pretty open minded).

Well as a fellow 50 something I am envious that younger females are still interested in you!
Must be the Sean Connery thing

That's pretty much what I've been doing. The only reason I cut in is due to a conversation me and her once had. She told me: "I'm not good at reacting quickly to sketchy people, and I'm too nice. You have that skill. Thanks for protecting me." (Which I found really flattering, since I'm aspie and she's NT.) It happened after me, her, and her friend (female) were walking back to a parking garage, in what's normally a safe neighborhood. We got approached by two guys offering to shine our shoes for $5, which is often a pretext to pickpocketing. The girls seemed taken by surprise. I said: "Please don't. We already have a shoe service we used for 6 years." I think the guys knew I was lying, but they didn't persist after that. We quickly skedaddled, and sat in a nearby McDonald's for 10 minutes. Next day, she texted me, thanking me for being quick-thinking and protective.

Like I said, I was referring to situations when a stranger starts talking to her, not a romantic candidate. Like with the shoe polish guys. That's when I cut in and say something to get away. If the new guy seems cool and we're in a "protected" venue, like a museum, I let them talk, and pretend to get distracted by something shiny. I do feel like it's a bit more work to be friends with her than with a guy, but she's been a great friend to me, so it's worth it. Especially after the friends I thought I could rely on kicked me to the curb the minute they found serious girlfriends.

I told her about how much I value all my friends, and she told me she won't kick me out of her life when she gets into a relationship. Whether or not that will be true, time will tell. Turning 30 messes with people's minds like I couldn't believe.

It's interesting to hear you have such a mature relationship. But don't have expectations, men can be jealous and it's quite likely if she eventually settles then the other party will not necessarily be broad minded.

Keep yourself open to other relationships, whether male or female, you might be surprised how easily you can find invigorating and stimulating conversation and companionship with other people.

As an aspie, friendship is like dating, don't be put off if people might not connect with you. Just keep moving on, after all there's nothing to lose.

I'm not Scottish, nor have I portrayed a famous secret agent on film. I'm actually surprised at the continued interest myself.

Kids really can't be more emotionally competent than adults in the way I mean.

What I mean is ability to manipulate etc. An adult of 25 could easily manipulate me. I'm scared of that in dating. Even though I'm oldest. So an adult of 21 is better to date because they're similar emotionally.

Kids tend to be more moral than adults imo but imo that has to do w their innocence. So the opposite.

I think ppl get more corrupt as they age.

Hmmm I suppose the laws of statistics make it more likely a younger person is less sophisticated or competent in the art of manipulation but this is really confounded by a person's upbringing, personality and other factors. I have experienced the worst manipulation as a teenager but I supposed if you are older you might be able to screen for this trait easier in younger people.

I know. This girl's combination of mature mindset and youthful fun is a breath of fresh air, compared to my other friends, who now act like 70-year-old men that are incapable of having fun. While I'm aware that people can change overnight, I trust her enough to take her statements at face value. Time will tell. I suppose the maxim for friendships with NTs is "don't get too attached".