Help me I am so frustrated with my 10 year old son

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Jetfox--being there yourself will help immensely as he has trouble expressing himself. So don't run away. You are needed here.

Ryansjoy-Concerta since March-36mg per day. I have thought meds may have a role in this??

lae-Organization is a problem for both of us-husband and I-you should see his area the garage! My husband is a big help with dishes, does his own laundry, the outdoors upkeep, 2 jobs, and does make dinner occasionally.

Food sensitivies and diet changes are an area I need to look into. Have done little in that area other than lots of fruit/veg and homemade cooking.

I took him out of school as he takes the bus(bullied), has no friends, at grade 2 level for reading comprehension and no EAs or help through private school and they have no concept on how to help with ADHD either. He is just falling further behind. He needs help with reading comprehension and it affects all subjects. In our public schools, they provide him with an EA who understands his troubles. Also they only have gym 2x per week and concentrate on academics. He needs more gym time than 1/6 day schedule and day is longer there.

I am teaching him life skills-doing his own laundry, setting table, folding laundry towels, washing by hand pots and pans, vacumming, mowing the lawn, and work with him organizing his room. Yes, his room is a problem too. I let the dressing to him-whatever-not an issue with me. He is a boy and I know us girls, take that way too seriously at times.

Drummergirl-give me tips on how to treat him. You would know best how for me to better deal with his behaviour, frustrations etc. You can give me situations, tips???

Concerta made my son very violent.. My sis in law is a DR in Pharm Meds and she did a lot of research and found that Concerta case studies in certain children made them violent. perhaps this is an area you need to look at when it comes to some of his issues.. from what a great deal of people tell me here is that Meds for ADD makes a lot of AS kids worse.. i have been persucated by folks on here for giving my son meds. But I know it has worked for him when it comes to school.. he focuses much better.. we ended up with Adderal XR 25mg. might be a good way to go is to ask the dr to change his meds.. Strattera was worse for my son.. he took a swing at my mother.. it was never something he did.. and truthfully Adderal was my last resort.. and I am happy that we did. Good Luck my friend.. and seek help when you need it..

I also think now it is the meds. He was never this much a handful before meds. I had problems with this but not to the point where everyday is a problem. I have called paediatrician and want to pull him from his meds....getting the idea from a friend and he is acting bipolar from what I read online. This was not an issue before meds.

I will update.

I did talk to him last night and said that we have never had this bad issues before meds and think that is the reason he is being such a handful. I lied down with him last night before lights out and he asked me to stay a while and I was actually allowed to give him a hug. He is a bottle of stress-rigidity right now. I know my son and know things are not right. Now to find the right answers.

as i said on another forum pills=bad.
well that's the way it seems like to me.
i know that when i was on pills i bared myself in my room more then usual and was going through panic attacks, it wasn't fun.

well i'm glad to hear that you might have a sulution.

Organization is a problem for me too, since I'm an Aspie with executive dysfunction. Flylady.net helped me immensely. Having *some* kind of routine is really helpful too. I have my routine and my son's routine up on the fridge door. It helps a lot. It's not full-day schedule, it's just a morning routine and an evening routine for me, and for my son a morning, afterschool and evening routine. Just so there's *some* kind of anchor to hold on to. It doesn't have to be much - and it can really help.

As another aspie-Mom I concur with much of the advice so far -
Look into food sensitivities and nutrient deficiencies/excesses.
Work on the sleep thing. It's a problem for most aspies - I wish I knew the answer (advice, anyone?).
Scheduling - yes. Additionally - prepare him for every event by discussing in advance.
Therapy for all - yes.
The other thing I would add is - pick your priorities and your battles. It sounds like he may be overwhelmed. Chores can be minimized and expectations lowered to reduce his stress levels. And make sure he has a release - be it books or video games or his collections or whatever. He may need and hour or two just to decompress each day.
Best wishes!!

Give me a sample of what an aspie needs for schedule. I am not a schedule person-I just have top 6 to do each day and do my best to complete if not it goes to next day. I hate schedules!

Thank you all of you for trying to help me. You have all been so full of information and I need to read up on all of what you have suggested.

ALL suggestions welcome. There is no wrong answer here.

Of course, each kid is different, but here's a suggestion:
Think about what you think MUST be done every day - certain things in the AM, other things in the PM - and make your own, rough list. For example, AM:
- Eat breakfast
- Wash face
- Brush teeth
- Brush hair
- Get dressed
- Put away dirty clothes

I would include only those things that are essential every day. Then sit down with him and say that you don't want to have to fuss with him about little, everyday things, and it would be better for him to have a written reminder posted on the wall (or something like that). Then have him participate in making the list. He may not add much, but at least he'll be part of the process. The list should be in big, legible letters on a poster or write-on/wipe-off board. If he is a picture-thinker, you can add pictures from magazines. Post it in a prominent place for him to see. I would also recommend noting that a group of activities is to happen at a certain time (or start no later than that time).

If there is a chore he needs to do every day, include that. Again - I would be cautious about requiring too much to begin with. Stress management can be a big problem for someone with Asperger's, so he may need to take on responsibilities gradually.

Then you can ask him each morning and evening if he did everything on the list. He may want to check things off (on a write-on/wipe-off board, for example), but I never could get my kids to do that. If he has done what he needs to, be sincerely congratulatory. If not, ask him to do it now, non-judgementally. It's a long process!

When I posted what he is able to do-the only chore he does regularly is do his own laundry and clean up his room. As for his room, we do it together as he finds it too much. I keep too much too.

Yes, I will try that first. A simple schedule.

Get that child a therapist to vent to.

Get a routine going...even if it's simple stuff, like dinner at 5pm, bed at 8pm, etc.. Predictability is a great thing for people w/as, add, whatever, cuz they learn to prepare themselves for the change they know is coming.

We have a neighbour who raised 5 kids and their oldest was like my oldest. I finally have someone who understands and next door! YAY!! !

And I've gotten some workbooks and fun stuff to do with Brandon to help him work through stuff.

Since off meds for 2 days I have my very hyper silly boy back. Still aspergers. But not the moody, about to burst child, angry etc. I have my boy back.

Is he a handful--yes. But a different handful. I know we have the support coming real soon and I have gathered a lot of strength on my weekend getaway to face it once more.

i'm glad things seem to be looking up for you and good luck in the long run.

glad to hear things are going smoother now.

and will be back to offer my input and gather more ideas. You have all been wonderful!

He sounds like an Aspie to me.

From our experience with our 9-y-o a schedule can be very simple. He gets up and always watches cartoons as he wakes. Then, television goes off for breakfast, toothbrushing, get dressed. Next we walk the dog - that is extremely important. It can be hard to take him for a walk but if I can find a subject he likes to discuss, he hardly notices how long we've been gone. If he's in major whine mode, it could be a very short walk. After the walk, he gets to do 45 minutes or so of gaming. We've noticed any type of electronic entertainment will affect his behavior and some games are worse than others. After gaming, it's time for another *brain break* where he has to do something non-electronic (play upstairs, read, ride his bike, visit a friend - anything but television, gaming or computer). Then, after lunch he gets some computer time before we go back outside for some swimming, play with other kids, etc.

We had some violent incidents and tried different meds. We now homeschool and took him off meds altogether due to the severity of the meltdowns. That has been a big improvement for him.

It's hard, but try a little notebook in your pocket to mark down when/why the meltdowns occur. We finally realized his hyperactivity was due to sudden changes in the environment (restaurant, grocery store, any place with lots of visuals - classrooms with changing displays would probably count as well) and meltdowns generally had a pattern as well. The worst meltdowns (and he still has them) are pretty much when we say no. Cookies for breakfast? No.

Now: hey, you know cookies are for dessert after dinner - since when do people eat cookies for breakfast? Put those back or you won't have any for dessert.

Rather than constantly correcting him, we now have a strike-out system. Arguing excessively is a strike, severe disobedience is a strike, insulting/threatening is a strike. Three strikes and electronics start going away (3 strikes is usually 3 days no gaming). I do warn him that a strike is coming so he can adjust and hopefully make the right choice. And, he still accuses me of stealing when he loses GameCube, but I point out that's the rule - make good choices and it won't go away.

It's also important to be patient - just telling him to turn it off, or put the book away will never get a positive immediate response, we have to check to make sure he heard us and then give him time to wrap up. He's learning to acknowledge us so we don't jump to conclusions as much.

When he feels he has some control over his life (like the strikes - he's warned so it's his choice, or listening to how much time he needs to finish something or giving him the choice to save the cookies for dessert) then he's happier. So many times he felt he had no control and that really contributed to his anxiety and his behavior really was out-of-control.