Unethical

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The fact that you can imagine yourself being a psychopathic murderer doesn't mean that you risk becoming one any time soon. It's easy to let scenarios run wild in our heads - but in real life, there are other barriers than just the wish not to land in jail standing between us and the act. I wonder if the picture you have of yourself as a totally unethical person who places a low value on human life is really accurate - and whether you are not downplaying yourself a little bit.

I meant that I was wondering whether you're not being overly self-critical.

Ok. I seem to be out of my mini-depression(Cyclothymia sends me through them every once in a while; I'll probably end up killing myself during one of them), but the whole random-killing thing is not leaving. In fact, it has been going on for some time. Should I be at all concerned?

We're talking about random-killing thing in your mind, right? No bodies being stacked around the Subatai Baadur home, right?

If you're concerned, perhaps talk about it to a psych or something. I can't see in your head. But the very fact that you post this seems to indicate that you do not actually want to go on a killing spree, and that the idea is unattractive to you on at least some level. The fact that you are here posting and worrying about your ethics seems to indicate, to me, that you perhaps do have ethics and a conscience.

So, you do have a conscience, and a set of ethics - perhaps it's not talking to you all the time, but nonetheless it's there. At the same time you have romantic ideas about outsiders and renegades. But a renegade doesn't necessarily have to be an unethical psychopath, does it? An outlaw or a renegade, to me, would proudly follow the laws that he imposes upon himself rather than those of society - and mind you, I am not recommending in the slightest that you do so - but that does not necessarily entail mindless killing sprees.

It seems to me that psychopaths and serial killers are really quite often pathetic, sad people. The Son of Sam had his dog telling him to kill people. I don't even want to go into Ed Gein. Ted Bundy was genuinely intelligent (as well as a very evil human being who deserved what he got in the end) - but he's a bit of an exception, as far as I can see. Nothing romantic about them, to me. Just people who spend their lives creating enormous bitterness and pain and grief. Can't see why anyone would want to do that.

I think Emettman earlier in the thread was on to something: But I suspect you've found that morality and ethics isn't built on ground as solid as you used to think.. In the end, if you start thinking too much about your personal ethics, conscience, and your personal limits - it's all too easy to imagine that there is none. Because in the end, they are build on metaphysical, philosophical primes: "Do not unto others..." etc. They aren't based on anything but themselves.

On the other hand, they are very strong principles. How do you want to be thought about and remembered by other people? In my personal belief, that's all that remains of us after we die. And nothing else really matters. I personally would like not to be remembered with anger and hatred and grief.

You say you value knowledge and intelligence above anything else. Even that can be turned into an ethically very sound goal, and a purpose in life. One which would demand a lot of freedom, too - only a free mind can really gather knowledge. But it would not fit well with killing sprees.