Criticize my life please.

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Yeah, I def got a psychotic disorder.
Yeah I trust my diagnosis.
I'v def had a lack of emotions.
Complicated, yeah.

:huh:[/quote]

Believe it or not I have had both conditions simitaenously. The symptons you've described were actually present. Although, I could recognize pain in others depending on how obvious it is. I could not tell the expressions on a persons face. That is why I tried not to decieve others, but also I always had the urge to decieve and manipulate people.
I didn't really notice when others were upset.

I'm telling ya it's complicated, whats been wrong with me. I wish things were alot simpler but they haven't been.

By the way I've never been abused when I was young.
No I'm not represing any memories or nothing like that.

So is the only reason that you don't deceive and manipulate people because you really suck at being a psychopath and get found out, or do you actually care what the victim would think and feel because of your actions?

I don't suck at it and I don't care.
I just decided "not" to hurt anybody.

Autistics are pretty much by definition absolutely lousy at manipulating people, the inability to pick up on and understand another persons state of mind and the social awkwardness that leaves NT's with a feeling of suspicion and distrust makes it an extremely difficult or flat out impossible thing to do.

Thanx all for your opinions

Nah it's fine, I get it. Except the media harpy bit. I try not to take everything I hear on tv so seriously. There are a lot of frauds out there and when I heard that bit about the "warrior" gene I had to laugh. It sounds so stupid to me.

I just did a google scholar search for the 'warrior gene' and it used the term to describe risk taking and violence in maori populations, not serial killers. The article here** described it as a failure of the researchers involved in their interpretation of genetic research.. I'll see if I can find anything specifically on serial killers when I have a bit more time.

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@DC: People with antisocial personality disorder don't care too much about being secretive. They don't really go to too much trouble not to get caught.

@renemain: Psychopathy and psychotic are different. Specifically, what was your diagnosis?

** Just realised the link probably wouldn't work. King (2008) Scientific responsibility for the dissemination and interpretation of genetic research: lessons from the warrior gene controversy. Should be able to find it if you're interested, though if there are two warrior genes it's probably not relevant.

Diagnosis was specifically Psychotic.
I still am trying to understand myself.
I never really developed preferences.
So, I'm trying to figure myself out and understand myself.
I'd always just lived.
I've gotten alot of answers on here that have helped me to realize what I am feeling now.
I spent the first 25 years of my life without emotions, as far as I could tell.
So this is all new to me.
Like as of last year.

Just "psychotic"?

There are a variety of Psychotic Disorders listed in the DSM-IV.

If you didn't have any emotions why did you have suicidal thoughts or whatever.

yeah just psychotic.
Emotions don't have to be what guide one into suicide.
Do not assume anything when it comes to suicide.
I was seriously suicidal after an event around the age of 26 that really screwed me up and kinda helped me. Because after that incident I started to notice feeling some inapropiate and partial emotions. For five years, year after year I didn't want to kill myself, but I felt okay with it.
I would literally let go of my steering wheel and drift into the other lane, but stoped myself everytime.
I can't explain why I had suicidal thoughts at this point.
I just know what I was going through.

Yes I was a lejit Psychotic, but as I am a human being. I cannot be explained away by the average person who does not understand the intricacies of the human psyche even though they'd like to. I'm just as perplexed.

I was just wondering since you talked a bit about directing your behaviour towards the most beneficial outcome for you.. Just seemed to me that suicide would f**k that up a bit. I don't know what a "legit psychotic" is. What were the main features of your diagnosis? What led them to their conclusion?

yeah, can't really explain myself or the details of my diagnoses.
Still trying to understand things.

Get the diagnosis in writing?

yeah, I actually applied for disability.
And was accepted first time go round based on my diagnoses.

I don't understand. What part of you is disabled.