Board index › Age/Gender related discussions › In-Depth Adult Life Discussion

40+ Something L & D- Lessons Learned (10/10)

Page 2 of 3 [ 44 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

slipacre
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2011
Age: 78
Gender: Male
Posts: 97
Location: NY state - in the woods

06 Nov 2011, 9:39 pm

lessons learned.

I have written a series of books or booklets - seem to think I've learned many lessons
or at least been in the classroom when they were shouted at me.
not sure how to put it into a post

First. have some idea of who you are before becoming lost in someone else.
admittedly this may be impossible for anyone under 30 or 40 or anyone reading this post.

Second, relationships can be as much a drug as alcohol, or other forms of chemical escape.

Third, alcohol and drugs are not a substitute for a meaningful relationship

fourth and last for now that idea of who you are - the one I had at least was unrealistic both good and bad.

if curious the booklets I've done can be found here online http://odatbooks.com

Todd



HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

07 Nov 2011, 6:40 pm

gadge wrote:
Secrets aren't worth keeping, be open and honest ...always.

Openness works well - especially when said with respect, tact and diplomacy

Being selfish or ignoring ..will never work. be mindful of others feelings...always

Sharing and caring -hmmmmmmmmm - should be second nature

As my dad said, "be in the right place, doing the right thing, for the right reason"

Compliment one another. a please and thank you should never be assumed or taken for granted.

Good manners makes a lot of sense

The union approach does not work "not my job". Do what you can when you can.

Never laugh at, always with

Dont just leave things "as is'...go out of your way for one another.

Do the unexpected, not in a scary way but in romantic and appreciative ways.

Thoughtful and considerate spontaneity (especially of the romantic kind - i.e. bubble bath with candles, rose petals and champagne (preferably Asti Spumante) OOHHHHHH LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LAAAAAAAAAA) is a winner with me)! !! !


are we suppose to number these things? some of my thoughts are overlapping...I'll fix it if requested.


Numbering is optional but please keep them coming!



Meow101
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,699
Location: USA

07 Nov 2011, 11:30 pm

The most important lesson I've learned is that if the relationship matters, KEEP TRYING. My NT husband sometimes (it seems) expects me to read his mind. I'm still trying to find a way around this, but I'm continuing to try. He's the same way...he keeps trying.

~Kate <---40-something


_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu


HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

08 Nov 2011, 7:31 am

slipacre wrote:
lessons learned.

I have written a series of books or booklets - seem to think I've learned many lessons
or at least been in the classroom when they were shouted at me.
not sure how to put it into a post

First. have some idea of who you are before becoming lost in someone else.
admittedly this may be impossible for anyone under 30 or 40 or anyone reading this post.

Second, relationships can be as much a drug as alcohol, or other forms of chemical escape.

Third, alcohol and drugs are not a substitute for a meaningful relationship

fourth and last for now that idea of who you are - the one I had at least was unrealistic both good and bad.

if curious the booklets I've done can be found here online http://odatbooks.com


Todd,

+1 on everything you said. On a more personal note, I checked out your booklets - good stuff! As I said in another post, it appears that you have successfully implemented all your wise and sage advice in your own life! That is incredible - good for you!

Thanks for your post! Please keep them coming!

Leslie

Todd



HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

08 Nov 2011, 7:34 am

Meow101 wrote:
The most important lesson I've learned is that if the relationship matters, KEEP TRYING. My NT husband sometimes (it seems) expects me to read his mind. I'm still trying to find a way around this, but I'm continuing to try. He's the same way...he keeps trying.

~Kate <---40-something


Kate,

Hello and welcome! Tenacity always wins out!

Hope to see more input!

Leslie

PS I am an NT female - sometimes you have to be patient with us NTs because we can be clueless at times. End of the day, aren't we all perfectly imperfect?



gadge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Mar 2011
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 805

09 Nov 2011, 1:20 am

Meow101 wrote:
The most important lesson I've learned is that if the relationship matters, KEEP TRYING. My NT husband sometimes (it seems) expects me to read his mind. I'm still trying to find a way around this, but I'm continuing to try. He's the same way...he keeps trying.

~Kate <---40-something


My former wife expected me to read her mind , and there was no rhyme or reason to ,.. "ya know" ..."I dont know" or "just caus'

oh come on and throw me a clue at least...I had nothing to go on........hence,...former wife :D

Felt a litle like trying to get a fire lit
"this way"VV..@ 6:40

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOBqGEfh ... re=related

"I keep a lighting them and she keeps a blowing em out"


_________________
"I feel as if I am walking in the rain, everyone else has an umbrella,
but I do not. I am soaked to the bone and shivering from the cold."


HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

09 Nov 2011, 7:42 am

gadge wrote:
Meow101 wrote:
The most important lesson I've learned is that if the relationship matters, KEEP TRYING. My NT husband sometimes (it seems) expects me to read his mind. I'm still trying to find a way around this, but I'm continuing to try. He's the same way...he keeps trying.

~Kate <---40-something


My former wife expected me to read her mind , and there was no rhyme or reason to ,.. "ya know" ..."I dont know" or "just caus'

oh come on and throw me a clue at least...I had nothing to go on........hence,...former wife :D

Felt a litle like trying to get a fire lit
"this way"VV..@ 6:40

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOBqGEfh ... re=related

"I keep a lighting them and she keeps a blowing em out"



These series of threads are making me think so very much! The last time I heard not a one of us is the Amazing Kresgin in that we can't read each other's minds!! !

I think that people erect artificial barriers of communication among themselves. I think people of different cultures and genders do this. So it seems that maybe these exist between NTs/Aspies. I think I need to flesh this out more and write about it. This idea is not totally new to me!

Thanks Gadge and Kate for the inspiration!



shrox
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2011
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,295
Location: OK let's go.

09 Nov 2011, 10:58 pm

I probably miss holding hands as much as sex.



gadge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Mar 2011
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 805

10 Nov 2011, 12:40 am

shrox wrote:
I probably miss holding hands as much as sex.


I'd like to add to this list

someone to......
ask "how was your day?"
ask "what do you think?"
respond to "I'm home"
cuddle with on a cold night
share a meal with
hold the other end of a sheet when folding it
scratch that itch ... you just cant reach, and/or ask could you
elbow me when I snore
say "bless you when I sneeze" and vise versa
say "thats dumb" when it is
say "I love you'

and about a hundred other trivial things


_________________
"I feel as if I am walking in the rain, everyone else has an umbrella,
but I do not. I am soaked to the bone and shivering from the cold."


Meow101
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,699
Location: USA

10 Nov 2011, 11:56 pm

HopefulRomantic wrote:
gadge wrote:
Meow101 wrote:
The most important lesson I've learned is that if the relationship matters, KEEP TRYING. My NT husband sometimes (it seems) expects me to read his mind. I'm still trying to find a way around this, but I'm continuing to try. He's the same way...he keeps trying.

~Kate <---40-something


My former wife expected me to read her mind , and there was no rhyme or reason to ,.. "ya know" ..."I dont know" or "just caus'

oh come on and throw me a clue at least...I had nothing to go on........hence,...former wife :D

Felt a litle like trying to get a fire lit
"this way"VV..@ 6:40

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOBqGEfh ... re=related

"I keep a lighting them and she keeps a blowing em out"



These series of threads are making me think so very much! The last time I heard not a one of us is the Amazing Kresgin in that we can't read each other's minds!! !

I think that people erect artificial barriers of communication among themselves. I think people of different cultures and genders do this. So it seems that maybe these exist between NTs/Aspies. I think I need to flesh this out more and write about it. This idea is not totally new to me!

Thanks Gadge and Kate for the inspiration!


I am always the one accused of having communication problems, but I think the "read my mind" thing is a barrier to communication as well. I can't do it. I can't just "tell" what he wants/needs, and is it really such a freaking big deal to TELL me?

~Kate


_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu


HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

11 Nov 2011, 12:33 pm

shrox wrote:
I probably miss holding hands as much as sex.


Tactile by nature, I enjoy the closeness of holding hands, hugs, caresses and sharing affection. Touch is a very intimate, tender form of communication and affection. In particular, I love to hold hands with my partner by intertwining our fingers together so that our four hands are meshed together. Running your fingers through (or having someone run their fingers through your hair) is marvelous.



shrox
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2011
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,295
Location: OK let's go.

11 Nov 2011, 12:56 pm

HopefulRomantic wrote:
shrox wrote:
I probably miss holding hands as much as sex.


Tactile by nature, I enjoy the closeness of holding hands, hugs, caresses and sharing affection. Touch is a very intimate, tender form of communication and affection. In particular, I love to hold hands with my partner by intertwining our fingers together so that our four hands are meshed together. Running your fingers through (or having someone run their fingers through your hair) is marvelous.


You say some nice things, and you live in NC? I really hope you're not my former wife pretending to be somebody else!



HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

11 Nov 2011, 7:11 pm

shrox wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
shrox wrote:
I probably miss holding hands as much as sex.


Tactile by nature, I enjoy the closeness of holding hands, hugs, caresses and sharing affection. Touch is a very intimate, tender form of communication and affection. In particular, I love to hold hands with my partner by intertwining our fingers together so that our four hands are meshed together. Running your fingers through (or having someone run their fingers through your hair) is marvelous.


You say some nice things, and you live in NC? I really hope you're not my former wife pretending to be somebody else!


Shrox,

Thank you very much for the kind words. Yes, I have lived in NC (first Raleigh from 6/96 until 7/99 when I moved to Charlotte with my ex husband Scott for his new job at Bank of America). I moved here July 4th weekend 1999 and it was hot as blazes. I remember it well (meaning the move). Thank goodness for movers!! !

I guarantee I am not your former wife playing tricks on you! Please check your email on here. Thanks!



Stevo1965
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 17 Nov 2011
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 52

19 Nov 2011, 12:37 am

Join the Marriage Strike.



mntn13
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jun 2011
Age: 68
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,006

19 Nov 2011, 1:54 pm

Stevo1965
Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2011 3:37 pm
Join the Marriage Strike.

^



hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

24 Nov 2011, 2:15 pm

lesson learned... most important one was knowing when to call it a day. not every relationship will last forever and ever, and that is ok. i think it's great to try to move mountains to make it work, but eventually it might be time to accept the situation graciously move on. peace can be more important than winning or being 'right'.