Board index › Age/Gender related discussions › In-Depth Adult Life Discussion

Making friends as an adult

Page 2 of 2 [ 22 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

pete1061
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Nov 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,766
Location: Portland, OR

05 Nov 2013, 5:42 am

As a childless, single adult in his 40's, I've found it really tough to make friends around my age. Most folks are just too darn busy with family life to do much of anything. Not to mention, I can't really relate to people who are parents.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 172 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 35 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
Diagnosed in 2005


redwing
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2013
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 8
Location: Canada

05 Nov 2013, 12:07 pm

hi all..

my last best friend left my life this April, after 25 years we had nothing to say anymore, I have given up with the concept of finding friends. I never had many, and with my life so restricted by caregiving duties, I am starting to let even the slivers of loneliness that do appear, just pass away. I have found that once I surrendered to being how I am, that I no longer was able to chase the social norms anymore. I drove myself crazy joining groups to meet people, and finding that my energy turned people off. I am better one on one, but don't meet many folks I would want to talk with....aloneness is great for the mind...:-)

Red


_________________
Your Aspie score: 141 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 81 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


Belfast
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2005
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,802
Location: Windham County, VT

06 Nov 2013, 11:11 pm

pete1061 wrote:
As a childless, single adult in his 40's, I've found it really tough to make friends around my age. Most folks are just too darn busy with family life to do much of anything. Not to mention, I can't really relate to people who are parents.

Yeah, even though I'm a female, I feel similarly-
most people my age are doing the family thing, but I don't like nor want kids,
so most folks and I don't relate to each other.
Making friends at this age is incredibly difficult, at least for me (as an introvert Aspie with agoraphobia).


_________________
*"I don't know what it is, but I know what it isn't."*


Alien_Papa
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 666
Location: Minor Key

10 Nov 2013, 10:33 pm

I've had friends in the past, good people, but I wasn't conscientious about maintaining the relationships.

I miss being in love. A few weeks ago I saw a well dressed middle aged couple passionately kissing on the sidewalk. I wish I had that feeling in my life, although the sight of it was ewwwww

But friends? I like people in general, but I don't get a thrill from being part of group. More of an aversion really. I Like seeing my kids happy when we do things together. That's about it.

Most people believe that you will feel better if there is somebody you can talk to about your problems. I have almost never felt better after talking about my problems. The person I spoke to usually felt better if I shared some deep personal feeling with them, but I was usually left with a sense of loss and regret. I got sympathy, but so what. I never got any useful advice.

After my kids have grown up I will miss them very much, but I understand it's the nature of human life for offspring to grow into independent adults. At the same time I am sort of looking forward to having more time alone.



alpineglow
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,002

15 Nov 2013, 8:00 pm

Alien_Papa wrote:
I've had friends in the past, good people, but I wasn't conscientious about maintaining the relationships.

I miss being in love. A few weeks ago I saw a well dressed middle aged couple passionately kissing on the sidewalk. I wish I had that feeling in my life, although the sight of it was ewwwww

But friends? I like people in general, but I don't get a thrill from being part of group. More of an aversion really. I Like seeing my kids happy when we do things together. That's about it.

Most people believe that you will feel better if there is somebody you can talk to about your problems. I have almost never felt better after talking about my problems. The person I spoke to usually felt better if I shared some deep personal feeling with them, but I was usually left with a sense of loss and regret. I got sympathy, but so what. I never got any useful advice.

After my kids have grown up I will miss them very much, but I understand it's the nature of human life for offspring to grow into independent adults. At the same time I am sort of looking forward to having more time alone.


^^^
Well said.



Mackica
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 637

17 Nov 2013, 10:17 pm

I like being part of a small group.My friend has a weekly gardening session at his house to keep his urban garden in shape so I go there every week.I really enjoy and I always meet new people,although some of them aren't going to be friends.I volunteer once a month but I haven't met any friends that way.My counselor keeps saying to go to a cafe or coffee shop but I would feel funny doing that.At the farmer's market I often meet friends and people they know so that is nice.But I don't have that many friends right now and I would like to meet more.There are clubs and groups but I'm not sure where to start.I want friends my age (31) but it takes time and some commitment.