Won't Take Advice

Post Reply New Topic

I would suggest stories and examples that help him see it from the other side.

As I'm reading this, it occurs to me how hard it is to try when you can't do something successful or well.

Just because he could do better doesn't mean he would feel he did well socially. And he might be right. I think the key might be finding a motivation that doesn't involve being liked. Or becoming friends. That might be your approval, game time, food, I don't think it matters. Just wondering whether if friendship and kind behavior toward others are being linked, maybe try unlinking.

How old is your child?

Another thing you can do is TALK TO THE LITTLE PROFESSOR. At the age of 9, he's just becoming a rational being. Arbitrary punishments and rewards probably make no sense to him. But if the day comes when he really wants to get from A to B (how to make friends, how to get along with a boss) then all that advice from Mom and others who care about him will come back and be reconsidered.

Sheldon cooper is an extreme, over-simplified example of talking to the little professor. Hints and social pressure and disapproval will get you nowhere. But if you find a way to turn it into an equation that he understands, you're good to go.
"It's a non-optional social convention." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_Frh7JlxiY

Also, be honest. If you don't know why people do the crazy things they do, sympathize and say you don't know. Or when the teacher's a jerk, admit privately that the teacher's a jerk. If you both know that it's true, denial is counter-productive. It puts you in the bad guys camp and makes you untrustworthy. Better to say "You're right, the world sucks, you have my sympathy." Then take a breath. Let it go.
Once the trust is established, you might (or might not) be able to add, "It's not fair, but that's the world and you need to find a way to deal with it..." Or, "It ain't fair, but it's there."

Dd would give extremely tight hugs to her friends at that age, really squeezing them, lol. I think it was a sensory thing. Even now, I have to demonstrate unwanted physical behavior to her if I want her to fully understand why others find it obnoxious. Example, making our cat look at her by lifting his chin way up. I will do that to her and ask her if it is comfortable, ( I make sure it isn't ) and she will stop the behavior. The key is doing it immediately, when the behavior is taking place, then redirecting to something positive. I redirect by giving her a piece of string and she'll play with the cat or a brush so she can brush his fur.

So in your case, can you demonstrate the behavior to your son by grabbing him the way he grabs others? Asking him if he likes it (make sure he doesn't) and then redirecting to something else....have him face you, wave and say "Hi, what are you up to?" instead. Unfortunately, since the behavior is taking place at school, that makes it difficult to change. You could still have him practice at home, with family maybe at the park?

Also, maybe it is a sensory thing and he needs to squish something? Maybe a small stress ball he can squeeze will be helpful?

Tag (aka zombie infection, lol) is really popular at my son's elementary school. Does he like to run? If so, touching another kid on the shoulder and yelling "Tag Your it!" is a great way to get other kids to play with him.