Should we add another forum specifically for aspie parents?

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Both "sides" bring up good points. Being a parent for a child with AS or an ASD is one case, being a parent with AS is another. For that reason, it makes sense to have separate sub-forums for the discussion of both scenarios. Sure, there are more combinations than that (at least one), such as a parent with AS that has a kid with AS or an ASD. In that scenario, if it has to do with the kid, post in the forum regarding a child that's "causing difficulty." If it has to do with an issue the parent has, post in the parents with AS forum. If you aren't sure.... post in both! More input, more chance for useful advice!

Now of course this causes more splitting in the site, but it shouldn't be looked at as something divisive, but rather something that allows for more focus on a specific topic in each of the two subforums. (The one in existence and the one proposed.

I don't think there should be a forum for the third scenario, parent with AS and child with AS, because that would suggest an intentional division. Sure, parenting perspectives of NTs and aspies will vary. Parenting perspectives will also vary within these groups. If you're in a forum where someone talks about wanting to "cure" AS, for their child, that would understandably be a cause for discomfort, but it is up to others with AS to argue against that, if that is what they believe. Separate forums for the sake of avoiding issues that could be caused by "AS-NT Relations Difficulties" does not, in my opinion, seem like a wise thing to do.

Now, I'm beginning to understand the point!

I guess I still need to stick to my first thoughts. Are you a good witch or are you a bad witch? Dunno, but I'm still a parent, err witch. Parent is the common in the forum, no matter what side. I am a parent. I am also a Grandparent, many times over. I am also a great grandparent. They start young on my wifes side.

Now what does the grandparent have to do with anything? We make mistakes when we're parents. We try to keep it to a low number, but don't always hit that magic number of (blog test) 87%, you can now consider yourself a very good parent. I have considered my influences on my grandchilderen very important and have seen them do better with my older guadiance then I have in my own kids (if they ever let the three of them out of prison). My parents did the same with mine. I don't know how common that is. Maybe it's a cultural thing. They had a huge influence and I now think my Dad was most likely an Aspie. Some of it can be boiled down to, you can send them home when you're a grandparent.

I guess I would tend to think that the description of the forum might be changed. Parenting is parenting. I would think which ever end of the spectram you come from, there is knowledge to be gleaned from any other perspective. So when I pop in and read and yes sometimes write in defense of the kids, I'm doing it, I hope, from a grandparents point of view. I may have still missed a more valuable arguement to this, I'm prone to do that. I mean I have to deal with me being the way I am, but that's my problem not the kids. I therefore go where I need to go for me, then I come back to the kids and screw em up from another point of view.

I wonder what those of you who aren't sure think.

Thank you, Lau, for sympathizing with my predicament.

It's interesting that some of the people responding aren't parents. Have you given any thought to what it might be like to have an ASD and raise children? It's a very hard job for anybody, but there are certain areas that I have found to be even more difficult for me than for the NT parents I know.

For instance, new moms tend to bond over their babies. Can you imagine going to a playground with your new baby, the crying and feeding of which you're still trying to deal with, and there're all these moms there and they ask all these questions and they have all these rules you just don't understand...then you get to kindergarten age and you're expected to be a room parent for crying out loud, or your kid is disruptive and you get called to the principal's office - a place you'd really rather avoid- and we haven't even gotten to teenage hood.

Being a parent with AS IS different, and I like Mish's comment. Thanks, Mish. You have a lot of guts to hang out in the parents forum.

For me, I have never gotten along well with NT moms, and this forum is no different. If you were to take a poll of all the AS women on this forum, I believe the majority would say that they tend to stay clear of NT women.

So, for you men out there, or you non-parents, you have no idea that we aspie moms can't go near the "Parent's Forum" because it's full of all the people we couldn't understand at the playground, and they don't understand us.

Thank everyone else!

Heh, sorry aylissa, guess experience is a major help. (I'm both, 16 and male)

On a side note, I like your Avatar!

It's interesting hearing all of your points of view!

I'm wondering if a poll shouldn't be taken in the parents' forum to see if AS parents would like a separate forum.

I can see Mish's point as well. It would be like going to school all over again, trying to deal with NT parents' views on biomedical interventions and pathologizing everything their ASD kid did.

The other thing I can see that's important is that if a separate forum is formed for AS parents is that they still go over to the NT mostly parents' forum and give them your point of view as a grown up person with ASD and how some "interventions" may have affected you or how you feel about imposing such interventions on an Aspie child.

On the one hand I have read of parents really trying to do the best thing for their kids, yet I have seen one or two for whom discipline is a really foreign term. Or I have read things that have horrified me, especially some of the negative reinforcement used to get a child to quit doing something that may be weird but is harmless. I just don't get that, yet I don't think a parent appreciates hearing from a non-parent rational criticisms of their parenting methods.

The AS parents could just start a thread with the intention of dealing with Aspie parenting issues, until something happens one way or the other.

Metta, Rjaye

May I ask that this thread be moved to the "Adult Asperger's Issues" forum?
(Right next to the poll: Do you want to have kids?)

(This is en una isla).

Obviously I have strong feelings concerning this. I have noticed that the parents of AS children here seem to fall into 2 camps: the "I want to change my child to make him more NT" camp and the "I accept my kid exactly how he is, as long as he's not hurting himself or others" camp. More often than not (but not always) the former camp consists of NT parents and the latter camps consists of AS parents. So yes it would be nice to have a group of like minded parents who aren't trying to alter or therapize their AS child in any real way. We could have some amazing discussions, I imagine.

And there is the separate issue of just trying to be a parent-- to an NT or AS or whatever else child-- while dealing with all the issues AS presents in oneself... sensory intolerance, needing privacy, not being able to work with other people, etc etc etc. There are issues we face that NT parents don't have in such large degree or at all.

I do not feel really comfortable posting about parenting problems I am having in the current parent discussion forum because it is predominantly NT, which is fine, it just would be nice to have a little hovel of our own.