13YO Aspie son likes wearing bras/panties

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Let him do that. Even your wife wears bras & panties.

How would he feel about wearing a deep pressure vest? That might help to clarify whether it's a gender expression thing or a sensory thing.

If it is a sensory thing and he doesn't understand it himself, it may cause some confusion for him in the short term, but eventually he'll figure it out. It certainly won't change his gender identity, even if it encourages him to explore gender issues a bit. You can't become trans by thinking you are trans. If believing you have a certain gender identity made you have it, you'd probably see fewer trans people, since most of them start out thinking they're cisgender (what most people are).

You can help him along by asking him about it. Talk to him about how some people feel like they're really a girl even though they were born a boy, some people feel like boys but want to do girl things like wearing a bra, and some people don't care if clothing is for boys or girls but just like the way it feels, and then ask him if any of those sound like him.

Also, I think it's a good idea in general to talk to teens honestly about what sexual arousal feels like, especially AS teens because we're less likely to figure it out on our own. (I know I didn't - though part of that is being asexual too - and it caused a lot of problems until my parents explained it to me.) Assuming you've had that talk with him, you could ask him outright if he gets aroused by wearing a bra. (Make sure you make it clear that it's not a bad thing, just something you want to understand.)

It could be phase or a comfort thing which he could outgrow or not. Cross-dressing often doesn't have anything to do with sexual orientation nor is it necessarily indicative of any gender orientation issues. Many male cross-dressers are strait cis men. It’s good that you are communicating with your son about why he likes them, as that is a good way of figuring out whether anything needs to be addressed concerning it. If it is a comfort thing you could try different alternatives, like an undershirt to wear under his shirts instead of the training bra for school to avoid teasing as adolescents lack maturity (a tight fitting A-shirt may provide a similar feeling of support and is not uncommon for men to wear, they are usually sold in packs right in the underwear aisle).

It could be many things.
1. the pressure
2. the texture
3. that he likes to wear them

I would try and find him comparable boy clothing with similar pressure/texture, etc. as well to see if that make a difference to him, if not, then maybe that's just what he likes and someone more qualified than me can help

I'm male person who was once young. At a certain age. I myself was always feeling different. I enjoyed more of the opposite side of things. When i was 15 i started trying on womens underwear. Later my mom found out had the same situation, on what to do. She suppoted me and thought it was a phase. Later found someone to have me checked out. Turns out I myself am Transgender. Born a male but a female on the inside. My mom is amazing. Support and accepting for who I am. Thanks for reading.