Can't Have Conversations

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I think you're a person who likes politics and moral issues.

You feel strongly about these things.

Yes...and I know what foods I like and don't and stuff like that. I mean I have no sense of an independent self. If that makes any sense at all.

I think you just might know yourself better than you think.

For Yippie Skippie, I can sympathize that being a stay-at-home parent is AWFULLY unstimulating intellectually, and lonely. Even if you try to network with others doing the same thing, many of them will be unable to carry on anything resembling a thoughtful conversation. It's just plain horrible.

To keep your sanity, as well as a positive affective tone (i.e., being happy), you MUST find some sort of outlet and way to get out on your own with simpatico people. Is that going to be hard? You bet! Maybe it comes down to a book club or an online chat community on a topic you enjoy. I also agreed with someone else's suggestion, that you get into advanced studies or another more challenging milieux, - but it's not compatible with your current primary occupation.

Maybe writing a book about your current situation would be something you could work on, over time? Also, joining a writer's group might be a good place to come out of the close about being smart.

I can relate to what you wrote YippySkippy. I am lonely too as a result.

For me I believe what makes conversations hard is trying and not quite ever looking typical. It's ingrained now, plus I don't really want to stop, but I believe I'm never looking 100% normal but I look like I'm trying and that's just confusing to people.

Sometimes trying too hard to make other people happy isn't worth it. They'll never be satisfied if you're trying to look a certain way.

I find face-to-face conversations too high-energy. They move too fast, there is too much facial movement involved, and too much voice inflection is expected. I can only keep it up very briefly, and then I have to revert to my own "normal" flat affect before my fakeness begins to appear manic. I hate watching the moment when people notice there's something not quite right. Sometimes they look hurt, sometimes offended, sometimes simply confused. Occasionally they seem creeped out. I think if I was a man I might be able to pass, but the social expectations for a woman are just far, far beyond me.