Crying when I die because...

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...Do you think they'd be helpful .
There's the matter of my records , remember .

ASS-P wrote:

...The idea of " going to college " is rather an idea of a door that I have to pass through before I can go on ~ to whatever . To WHAT :cry : ???????????
If ou would like me to get paid employment ~ What other way do you think there is that I might , eventually , get an employer to pay me more than SSDI but get the increased knowledge/skills - and status , and connections - of college .
And , fine , late though it is , I want a touch of what i never truly had . And being " an overaged college student " is certainly a step up in social status from " ex-homeless dude shuffling around the f*****g Tenderloin area " ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Eating at the cafeteria , sleeping in the dorm ~ Sounds nice to me .
Sometimes , in depressed/make-myself-depressed moments , I think of never going ever , being old(-er) - and I will at least start to cry . aybe it's even internalizing a censore saying " No , no no ! You must be practical ~ It's oo late for you , you cannot go ! " (I started to tear up writing that , so I thought I'd put up another tear-con after all , even though I thought I'd cut down on my doing of it ~ since I really did it then .)
I do wonder if I would be up to college physically , period .
And , too , on a certain level I thought I might have to have any uni (the use an Australian term I'll borrow here ~ Right , mates ???????????:-)) on a " before-I-die " Make-A-Wish Foundation semester or two , especially when the prognosis on my health was bad some months ago ~ I'll take pity if anything else is lacking .

When you express your understandable concerns/wishes/needs to Social Workers and the like...who can actually connect you to resources...what do they do? or say?

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Super kitty hugs for you!

...Well , I did bring it up with some workers to-day - Good ?
What country are you from ?
If I landed in (since I was talking about the " first step " of CCSF) CCSF to-day , or even effective when the Fall semester starts - Putting aside the question of paying for school itself , books and tech , and other , connected , things . - I still don't think I could do it , for now , my health wouldn't quite be up to even going across town even 3 times a week - And , aside from even the question of whether I'd be up to lectures , etc. , now - I don't quite have enough/nice enough clothes to look decent , and , furthermore , in my room there's not even a place to sit down in a chair and have a table in front of you to spread out a book in front of you , even .

ASS-P wrote:

...Do you think they'd be helpful .
There's the matter of my records , remember .

slave wrote:

ASS-P wrote:

...The idea of " going to college " is rather an idea of a door that I have to pass through before I can go on ~ to whatever . To WHAT :cry : ???????????
If ou would like me to get paid employment ~ What other way do you think there is that I might , eventually , get an employer to pay me more than SSDI but get the increased knowledge/skills - and status , and connections - of college .
And , fine , late though it is , I want a touch of what i never truly had . And being " an overaged college student " is certainly a step up in social status from " ex-homeless dude shuffling around the f*****g Tenderloin area " ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Eating at the cafeteria , sleeping in the dorm ~ Sounds nice to me .
Sometimes , in depressed/make-myself-depressed moments , I think of never going ever , being old(-er) - and I will at least start to cry . aybe it's even internalizing a censore saying " No , no no ! You must be practical ~ It's oo late for you , you cannot go ! " (I started to tear up writing that , so I thought I'd put up another tear-con after all , even though I thought I'd cut down on my doing of it ~ since I really did it then .)
I do wonder if I would be up to college physically , period .
And , too , on a certain level I thought I might have to have any uni (the use an Australian term I'll borrow here ~ Right , mates ???????????:-)) on a " before-I-die " Make-A-Wish Foundation semester or two , especially when the prognosis on my health was bad some months ago ~ I'll take pity if anything else is lacking .

When you express your understandable concerns/wishes/needs to Social Workers and the like...who can actually connect you to resources...what do they do? or say?

i have worked with many SW before.
the ones i know would break their back to help you...they would pave the way
and here the resources are easily avail.

The resources avail. where you are and the way they are accessed is unknown to me.
hence the need for local SW help

Idk about your records, and what can be done...idk the 'system' in your nation.

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Well done!

So what accommodations can they offer with respect to, your mobility needs, fatigue, extra time for course work, study space, etc...?

If this is to happen you must fight every obstacle....it sucks s**t to have to, but it is the only way.

Don't worry about clothes....find some bleeding heart org and they'll help you with that.

Phone the media tell them you're a homeless guy goin' to college...the public will give you more clothes, laptops, stationary than you can handle

People LOVE to see someone fight against all odds


I believe in you, ASS-P.

...How would I get it printed , though ?
And , I would likely only even go to CCSF (Remember , my longer-term desire is to go to " standard " residential college) , at the earlies , in the ~ early January 2017 ? ` post-autumm semester .

Well done!

So what accommodations can they offer with respect to, your mobility needs, fatigue, extra time for course work, study space, etc...?

If this is to happen you must fight every obstacle....it sucks s**t to have to, but it is the only way.

Don't worry about clothes....find some bleeding heart org and they'll help you with that.

Phone the media tell them you're a homeless guy goin' to college...the public will give you more clothes, laptops, stationary than you can handle

People LOVE to see someone fight against all odds


I believe in you, ASS-P.

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

sry....get what printed?
i don't follow

...How would I get in the media with this ?
Also , you know , to-day ~ I was thinking that it's maybe too late for me to really enjoy the idealized college/uni attendance I once fantasized about ~ that my health has gone too far downhill for it to be much fun , perhaps , that I'm so hobbled now . So it's just memories of what I once wanted ? But what , then could I do ?

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...First , my need to get my school/-era records in my hands is the most important first step !

ASS-P wrote:

...How would I get in the media with this ?
Also , you know , to-day ~ I was thinking that it's maybe too late for me to really enjoy the idealized college/uni attendance I once fantasized about ~ that my health has gone too far downhill for it to be much fun , perhaps , that I'm so hobbled now . So it's just memories of what I once wanted ? But what , then could I do ?

slave wrote:

sry....get what printed?
i don't follow

idk...you could email the local media....

only you can decide whether this all is a fantasy or a goal
and whether you have the health/energy to fight for it

it is hard , no doubt

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...You know , maybe it's pathetic for a 56-yr old man (or " man " , I suppose . Perhaps some people would say " I'm too dependent/not manly enough/haven't put myself through a test "/whatever . Let's imagine putting myself even more , shall we ? ) to be " wanting to go to college and be on the quadrangle " ? But , as I outlined above ~ Are there much other things I could do ?
Yes , I could try for school exclusively at a night school , be in a stablization room/SRO , be a loveable ex-homeless twinkle-eyed elf who gets his PhD that way (Ignoring the fact that I don't really realistically think I'd try to gt a PhD .) , what an adorable Reader's Digest/Oprah/material for a Lifetime-Hallmark-Ion Channel TV movie -
Well , I don't want to .
And , to analyse this , I think some of the " other " alternatives people might suggest have severe problems at my level , my desires.fantasies/dreams aside ~ People might say " Take online courses " ~ Well , in my understanding of things , " online courses " mean seeing a recorded lecture on a computer I suppose having some ability to ask questions ~ But I don't believe they involve real-time interaction with anyone else , the professor (Yeah , granted , likely assistant or whatever a lot .) or the other syudents ~ Isn't this , ten , just a more technologically tricky/" with it " version of a taped/filmed lecture ?
Which could be nice in its own way , but it's not " the interaction/soaking in an environment " , ideally , of in-the-same-room university classes . Frankly , for another point , people who speak of " taking online courses " seem to be , I thinkseth , imaging some TV-commecial " Older housewife in her nice home sits at her modern all-the-latest complex in her nifty suburban manse " and takes them there .
In case you haven't noticed , I am a - f*****g BUM - who's now slightly above sleeping-in-the-streets/shelter status . Dramatizing/self-pitying ? Perhaps ?
True ? Pretty much .
I am not likely to have a nice place like that to online-course from - Actually , as that goes I think it's a little questionable that I will have enough money/stability , sans help , to have a desktop/big laptop at all .
And , if someone says " Hey , be a modern kool kat and hang around Starbucks' all day and do your courses there , it'll be OK by them " - Yeah , right .
I'm not young and cute no more . Self-pitying ? But TRUE ! !! !! Not the " acceptable Starbucks' type " .
Go take written correspondence courses or watch pBS at 5:30 in the morning for " Early A.M. Education " ? I don't think those exist anymore . I think they're about as dead as Richard Nixon .
Okay , fine , I AM obsessed with " what I missed " in mot getting a standard age-time , or even slightly past standard age-time , university experience .
Still , I think I have to do that - Get it out of my system ~ before I can move on to something else .
Though I may cry----ish , imagining myself finally on a wide , leafy green college campus...and too old to really physically participate/enjoy it .
Somewhere where I could exercise and run and get active ? But it might be too late for me .
I literally teared up just there , tho I have been down in general writig this , thus the numerous uses of " my two little friends "

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...CCSF's fall semesters stared this week apparently - Even if I , overnight , landed in registration , everything paid + the nessacary books , tech etc. (and my having more decent clothes ) , I couldn't , really , go across town three times weekly , not with my crippled-ness now .....................

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...Okay , now it seeming like - deep breath - my attempt to go to CCSF and get initial college experience and grades/whatever that could take me to " standard " residential college - " uni " - might be useless - or close - because of the" credits you get at a community college (CC) or similar are only transferable to some schools in your immediate vicinity maybe 50 to 100 miles or so " apparent rule - I want to go away somewhere , not be in the Bay Area ! (I think .) Also , because of a dispute I had - and I presume is still on - I believe I cannot go to any University of California or California State University campuses , as I believe the money that the State feels I own them mean I could not be admitted into any UC or CSU one . It's ruled out .
So - Am I supposed to , instead of , as I thought , maybe being able to take (most-??) any credits I got an a CC to anywhere , or almost anywhere , in the US...I have to " stick where I come from " ? Yes , sir , CCs are a real road to educational opportunity , hey ???????????
Do I deide the area/place there I want to go , and , havig decided , somehow take CC courses in that area , and , assuming I do well there , apply to the Where-It-Is-I-Wanna-Go U. place ? Rather bass-ackwards , I'd say .
If I don't do well there and decide to try anotehr school in another geographic area do I then have to migrate , somehow , either by living or some long-distance course , and try to take CC all over agin and get in somewhere in that geographic area ?
In other words , for example , IF I wanted to go somewhere in South Carolina (which I do not) , would I have to find a CC in the 50-ish miles vicinity and take courses there to be able to have credits that would apply there ?
And , if I did not get in there , would the SC- area CC credits only be useable in that area ?
So , If I decide to , having not gotten into where I wanted in SC , to try somewhere in Montana , I would have to start the process all over again , journey to Montana somehow to take CC there that could be applied to my desired Montana place , with the SC CC credits totally useless there ?

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...You know , in my present - even though it is , yes , " improved " - residential situation , a on-campus college student living would be a considerable improvement ~ and something fairly hopefully attainable for me , not a " I win a game show , then..." (Considering my lack of teeth , I wouldn't likely exactly get on any game show , anyway ! !! !! !!) - What else ? " Finnd a livable widder woman ,wo wants to rent out her spare room to loveable twinkly elf ex-homeless dude " ?
A SRO like even better than what I have , or the sort of cheap/chintzy motels that are their equivalent in less big city regions , are the likely things I could realistically be seen as hoping for , for uni housing that is not residential - and uni housing lets you not drive (I don't even have a driver's liscence .) , and I could have some exercise source and green to run and relax on nearby - Hopefully . Sounds keen to me .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...Just to repeat myself??/spell this out more - It is looking like the " you have to go to the general geographic region (say , 50-100-ml radius ?) of the area you'd like to go to uni in , for your CC credits to carry over to unis in that region " ~ . It is looking as if that's the case .
So , repeating , if , from here , I wanted to go to somewhere in South Carolina , I would have to journey to SC somehow and take courses at CCs in that area to be able to apply to somewhere there (Or , maybe upper Georgia and lower NC as well) and have the credits accepted ? (Now ~ I DO NOT want to go to uni in SC . This is an example I'm giving here .) And , extending this further...If it all didn't work out and I wanted to try somewhere in Montana , all SC area CC credits would be as old paper/chicken liver there ?
I must either stay in SC-ville or start it all over again in Big Sky Country ?
Yeah , real " open door to education " . Just stay in your own place .
I had thought that more or less , anyhow , credits in any " normal " subject would be accepted at any " standard " uni that covers that subject ~ Maybe not either super-specialized or the Really Big Name ones , but I am not really aiming/hoping for that .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!