Tried to jump in front of a train last Friday

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I am glad you are still with us too. One day at a time is an old adage but a good one when going through extreme situations.

I am however very concerned about the multiple interactions between the large amount of different drugs you have been prescribed, and their collective interaction with alcohol. Have those multiple drug interactions ever been mentioned by the doctors you have seen? (Probably not). You may need to seek an independent review on what is safe and unsafe at this stage. Also, I wondered (and worried) that you might be taking sleeping tablets and/or opiates (like codeine and other things) in conjunction with alcohol, because this puts you at risk of going into a coma. Sometimes the things meant to help us harm us, and that's an area that doctors are a bit blind to in the main. So you may need to do some research yourself, as a start, and look at the big picture. Anyone would be affected with that amount and combination of psychoactive drugs and alcohol. But one step at a time - it took you a while to get to where you are, and it is going to take a while to get to a better place. We can support you through that though.

Could you tell us what you were prescribed all those drugs for? If you on the spectrum, you may not be aware that many AS people have atypical reactions to drugs, and doctors don't factor that in at all; they tend to think that we are medically and biologically identical to other people; well, many of us aren't.

I think that it may be too hard for you to address your drinking at this stage, so the drug interactions may be the best place to start. What do you think about that?

Seriously stop the alcohol, one of my parents tried to shoot themself in front of me when I was a small child because they were drunk and the alcohol exacerbated underlying suicidal tendencies. I've been assaulted due to alcohol. I recommend THC/cannabis oil to calm your nerves, it won't have the severe effects that drinking will, and you can better regulate your mood depending on the quantity and strain you decide to use.

Given the number of drugs already putting pressure on the OP's system, adding another at this stage, to which he has had negative reactions, is probably contraindicated and could so overload his system that I think it would be very risky to add cannabis to the mix.

I appreciate that some people have found it helpful for themselves, though I think the issues here are a bit more complex.

Ok, that might be the best place to start, to get some clarity on that issue. In the meantime we have some resources here on Wrong Planet that you can use to see what sort of scores you get. None of these tests are 100% reliable, but nor is the formal diagnostic procedure. Still, it's a start, and could be the first step to changing your life through greater self knowledge. Here's a summary of some of the most used test online:
http://www.kennethrobersonphd.com/four- ... -syndrome/

How do you feel about pursuing a diagnosis at this stage?

According to this site: https://www.aspergerstestsite.com

Your AQ Test Score is: 33
The official criteria for Asperger’s Syndrome is an AQ score greater than 32.

According to statistical analysis, 26 – 31 Is a borderline score.

86% of people with a score of 26-31 can be correctly classified as having Asperger’s Syndrome.

Good start, well done. Maybe next we can talk about what your current perception of Austism/Aspergers is, and where your current ideas about it came from.