Should I have killed myself when I turned 30?

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Marknis sorry for going off on a tangent!

How are you feeling?

I was feeling better until I saw a jock I used to know with his nerdy/geeky wife and baby today.

To answer your question about autism support groups in my area, unfortunately, even they have been brainwashed by the Bible Belt culture. The one I've actually been a part of for years (Though I feel less and less inclined to attend meet ups with each year) has members who think the nation needs to turn to God and that Donald Trump is God's mouthpiece.

Last edited by Marknis on 06 Nov 2018, 2:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hardly, with the sort of things he says!

Lots of ignorance around there it appears.

Don't compare yourself to this jock. We're not all alike (thank goodness of it would be a dull world indeed).

Why did that bother you? Did you not get along?

Ah right, understandable, it's a shame they can't separate religion from everything else, it seems to infiltrate everything

It bothered me because jocks terrorized me in my childhood as well as teen years and told me things like "You're never getting laid!", "You're a fa***t!", and other horrible things. Despite the things they said, though, some of them would grab at my genitals, pinch my nipples, and one actually pulled me onto the ground into his lap and started dry humping me in front of a whole class. The person I saw today I didn't have bad interactions with; I just feel dejected seeing others succeeding without trouble while I struggle but don't achieve anything.

The Bible Belt is truly a sick place. Even marginalized groups will express hatred for other marginalized groups because of religion. Black and Hispanic hip hoppers frown upon racism but they won't hesitate to call LGBT people "fa***ts" and they have this stupid saying in their culture called "Only God can judge me." which basically means they have no problem treating others poorly but they can't handle it when they get stood up to. They aren't much different than the rednecks here.

The year started off with me feeling depressed that I am still single and it will most likely end with me feeling the same way. Ever since 2006, I've felt like this.

I fear that if I don't kill myself that I will be saying the same thing about nothing being better next year around the same time as this year.

Mark, I think a big part of your problem is you describe life as if you're a passive observer on the sidelines and not an active participant who can seize the reins of your own destiny. Dropping out of college is better than going through to the end and getting a degree in an area that for whatever reason you can't work in.

I think you could benefit by looking up one of those job quiz tests and seeing what kind of careers match your natural skills, inclinations and temperament.

Being pre-diabetic is a result of your own dietary choices, but you can change what you consume and make the best of your situation by cutting out as much junk food and as many empty calories as possible. It's not even about what you consume, it's about what you don't consume. If you started having junk food only on special occasions and you started doing some cardiovascular exercises, I guarantee that your body would respond to exercise.

If you are able to match yourself with a suitable job, especially one that is full-time, you will be able to lift yourself out of poverty and move out of home. I recall you said your brother owns a bar. Could he maybe get you some work there?

The good news is it seems most of your problems, with time and effort spent on improvement, can be solved, but you've got to be willing to do what it takes to solve them. You asked in another thread what you need to do to work on yourself, but judging by your post here, I think you already know.

sadly reminds me how the suicide rate has always been higher among men compared to women