Do you hate yourself?

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I like myself a lot. There are one or two things that I would like to work on, though.

As I’ve been told by lot of women “you’d be the perfect bf if you just had a real job”
Seems it’s easier to date a well off man and try to make him romantic then date a unemployed romantic guy.
They like my attributes but I’m not dating material.

I think true love is desd for most people. Relationships are treated more like a business transaction with people seeing it as a investment and wanting to make sure they get a return on investment. People are seen as stock portfolios. “Yeah he’s cute but where’d he going be in 30 years” everyone expected to be millionaires and so only want to invest in others who will be millionaires too. It’s sad. My grandparents married for love they didn’t think a second about the future or where’d they’d be in 30 years. They were married for 20-30 years until my grandpa died, my grandma never remarried and is waiting to reunite in heaven. That’s love. Requiring a guy have a good job with clear path to promotions and a woman have a certain body shape and plans to keep it isn’t love. It’s a business partnership.
We went from parents picking successful men for their daughters to kids rebelling and marring for love to a lot women picking partners based off their success. Only difference between now and 1800s is the woman decides not the parents, the requirements are the same. This allows for the illusion of love and leads to super high divorce rates. But it’s not entirely hopeless it seems some kids today are rebelling again and dating for love. Perhaps it’s a cycle?

People mock them for it and say it’s irresponsible and they should date successful men and they’re fools. Fools rush in etc. I say go for it date for love, screw what society says.
But the change is too late for me much like independence for women came too late for older women. I hope in future the stereotype of men needing to have good jobs goes away, it’ll have to as robotics and AI replace 99% of the workforce.

Yes but I hate "most people" a lot more than I hate myself





What's the problem?

You don't have to like everyone, for any practical purpose

Yep, pretty much. I had a step-dad who was pretty good and honing in on faults and differences and entertaining himself with them. Children at school took the day shift on those duties. I figured they couldn't all be wrong and developed a pretty strong self-loathing. Those people are all out of my life now, but the self-loathing remains active and strong.

At the same time I know I have to appear positive & ok with myself or people who are kind to me whom I appreciate and care about will go away. It's tiring.

Thank you so much for all the replies, guys! I really appreciate them! : ) I'm happy to hear that some of you aren't afflicted with this horrible feeling and as for those of you who are currently struggling with it - I hope you will find ways to heal.

I totally relate to this. Especially the "I figured they couldn't all be wrong" part and the "I have to appear positive & ok part" it IS tiring. No matter how down I feel I can't stop putting on a smiling mask so that the world won't feel uncomfortable around me

Mostly no. When I'm severely stressed and melting down I feel like that. I really hate being out of control.

I do not hate myself. I hate how hard life is though. Maybe when I’m in a group home I will then hate myself.

I certainly do hate myself. Women throughout my life have shrugged me off because I am not an iron pumping alpha male who screams at them and punches them when he wants a beer. I failed to prove the rednecks, hip-hop thugs, football jocks, and general Bible Belt morons wrong after they told me I was a "p****", a "fa***t", and would never "get laid"; I have had a short-lived relationship and I am not a virgin but I have more failures than victories to show for my struggles. I also was denied special talents and alternative social opportunities.

I like myself overall. Some things about myself I want to improve upon though. I don't want to hate myself it's too much wasted energy. I say the same thing with anger...too much wasted energy. I could take that energy and use it for something productive.

On a totally different note, Marknis if you aren't a virgin anymore then wouldn't that mean you succeeded in proving to said people that you can actually..."get laid"? Don't know about the other two as what those mean isn't exactly defined but, not being a virgin means you definitely can "get laid".

Sly If a woman ever told me "You'd be the perfect bf if you just had a real job"...I would tell them "You would be the perfect gf if you had a better personality". Who is anyone to say what's a "real job" and what's not. If you disrespect my job you disrespect me. Just because someone has a certain job doesn't mean they will have it for life. Treat them how they treat you.

It is not inherently wrong to hate yourself

But it is dysfunctional in the situation



Some precious lil "people" love themselves way too much

reading and rereading and internalizing the following bit of transcendent prose, helped me to see that i am the way i was designed by the creator, bespoke for the creator's purposes-

DESIDERATA
Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world in full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is: many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Often attributed as "Found in Old Saint Paul's Church, Baltimore: Dated 1692."
Actually, Desiderata was written in 1927 by an obscure Indiana lawyer and poet named Max Ehrmann. Sources include: The Washington Post, November 27, 1977.

Thank you. So much truth and wisdom in this! I need to keep and reread it too.

^^^prego

I hate mistakes that I made because of Aspergers but not myself

There were times I hated myself cuz I have a lot of faults & disabilities that cause me to struggle & be a burden. I was told a lot that I needed to quit being so hard on myself. Then I got frustrated with putting myself down & started blaming this f#cked-up society & political system on my problems. I was then told I needed to take responsibility for my own issues & quit blaming others for my problems. People are so damned fickle. I need to know who & what's in the wrong in order to know how to better address my issues dealing with things. I just so don't give a sh!t anymore. I mostly just focus on my girlfriend & don't worry about much else. i seem to be better off in some ways for it.

we both were custom-made by the creator to fill a unique niche in nature. don't ever let anybody tell you different.