So that's it

Post Reply New Topic

Ive even been to some meet ups in the UK... for context I live in Ireland.

Definitely wouldn't knock it till you try it.

Same experience as Fireblossom, mixed group, mixed abilities. The focus was friendship and it helps tremendously to be open minded.
On a side note my SO regularly attends these types of meet up groups.

Yeah, I want to just take it easy.

I've started painting a picture. I haven't done that in a long time.

I've got a few female acquaintances that I hang out with from time to time, but dont know very well, do j want to see if I can organise to meet up with them and may be get to know them better

Live just doesnt seem real to je anymore. Its like this made up thing that There's no point believing in now. Like when you find out Santa isn't real.

I can't be bothered chasing this intangible thing.

If you find yourself in my area of Wales feel free to call in and I can show you the nice spots.

Aw thanks

Yesterday I was at a lovely area at a place called Parrog. The road to reach the houses goes through the harbour so at high tide some of the houses are cut off. I love the harbour area. The houses are all different.

Look around for something that has "Aspergers" or "Aspies" or "HFA" as part of its name.

I attend three such support groups per month -- two mixed-gender, one for women only. Most of the people who attend are at least as "high-functioning" as I am, some more so in various ways, or at least better at masking.

I suspect that you might be worried about one other thing, which is that any mixed-gender groups are likely to be heavily male-dominated. If that's a concern, that's something I might be able to give you lots of advice on handling, because I've had a lot of experience in male-dominated groups of various kinds starting in my early twenties. If you or any other woman here would like me to, we can start a separate thread on this topic in the women's section.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 06 Sep 2019, 4:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.

You admit you are content and have a good life.

If the men you have met have not scratched that companionship itch, then maybe you are at your best without an idiot/partner/farter/loudTVwatcher.

I have a spinster great aunt and she is perhaps the coolest person I have ever met.

To hurtloam: Two quick questions about your past dating/courtship experiences, and about all the guys with whom you seemed to have a budding mutual romantic interest at least for a little while:

1) As far as you can tell, were all (or at least the vast majority of) these guys NT?

2) Do you yourself mask very well for the most part?

If your answer to both of the above questions is "yes," then I wonder if that might be one of the causes of your dating problems so far, in which case part of the solution might be to socialize with a group that includes sufficiently "high functioning" Aspie/HFA men. I can elaborate on this further if you'd like.

Incidentally, if you ever decide to follow Grand Inquisitor's advice and try online dating (which I'm not a fan of, at all), I would, in that case, suggest that you consider including some of the specialized small dating services aimed at Aspies / autistic people. Again, don't assume that there will be nobody "high functioning" enough for you.

EDIT: Of course, if one is going to consider relationships with partners on the spectrum, it's important to keep in mind that ASD is a very broad category. It would probably be a good idea to make lists of which specific autistic traits you would be willing to accept in a partner vs. which specific traits you would not be willing to accept.

In any case, here and here and here are some lists of positive traits common among autistic people. (Note: These articles contain some over-generalizations.)

Ah you're new here. You have seen the past 10 years of my dating woes.

It's always them who reject me. It's not that no one scratches my itch. I've met a few who I've really had serious interest in, but they don't like me, they get bored of me, they don't want a commitment, they find someone better and ignore me...

I can't get over the last one. I had this really great friend and now he's gone I just can't get past that. There's this silence in my life now. He brought something good to my life, and now... silence.

I am the cool aunt though. being an Aunt is great. I absolutely adore my nephew. He's hilarious. Such a genuinely happy little chap.

Mona you're awesome, but I think we're on different wavelengths here.

I get on fine with men. I work in a male dominated industry. I go to technical meet-ups once a month to discuss programming stuff.

Men don't intimidate me, I probably intimidate them.

(I'm not really new, just the account and I am aware of your past)

I have 2 nephews, 19 and 22, they are both at uni and we have a great relationship, I don't want kids, not having kids, full stop.

Who you are and where you are, it's okay, people married and with kids at our age, they are okay too, but it's not us.

All my friends(haha I'm autistic, what friends, all two of them) and family, my age, are married and with a family, they just seem to argue with their partners and have no time due to their children.

We don't have what they have, but we have something else, time and choice as to how we live our lives and when.

I really thinking you just need to stop comparing yourself to them.

I go for more quirky guys, so mostly ND, not necessarily autistic, but not raging extrovert NTs.

I think I come over as NT. I admitted to an older, retired friend how I was struggling and she said she would never have known. I come across as social and bright and cheerful. And she has autistic grandchildren, so it's not as though she doesn't know about AS.

I'm often the person who organises the social activities amongst my friends. I'm not the shy retiring wallflower, well, it depends what mood I'm in.

My biggest tell is that I'm more interested in talking about facts and ideas and topics of interest, rather than the minutia of people's lives. I have a friend who always asks me about how everyone in my family is... It's a boring, boring thing we go through every time she sees me. I hate it. There's some serious issues in my family right now, I'm sure she's not asking about that... even if she is I know she wouldn't understand.

I find it really difficult to make close female friends. I can't communicate like how women want. I don't bond well with people at all.

I have a vast amount of acquaintances and very few friends I feel comfortable with, I suppose most people are like that. But I'll give an example. I want to go and visit a rural area of Scotland in autumn and enjoy the colours of the trees. I don't feel close enough to anyone to ask them to come with me. I asked my one best friend and she can't go.

That's why I'm so hurt at losing this guy. I finally found someone I was comfortable with. One of my friends was amazed when I introduced her to him. She said that it was nice how I was just myself with him, she means joking and talking comfortably, the conversation was like old friends talking.

It is interesting what you say Hurtloam. I am the same between aving very few friends indeed, but lots of aquatances.
I was considering what the differences are. I can unmask with friends. And so, I have one friend, one semi friend who I can partly unmask to, and generally the rest are aquatances be they close or distant.

Raging extrovert NT's. Haha. Thats a funny description. I like it. One of my favourite description is "Raging appathetic".

I fully understand about trying to engage in wierd NT conversations about the weather and things like that. Well. I thought I would learn about the weather to try to fit in. Big mistake. Somehow, I got looked at daft when I started to try to identify individual cloud types etc. (I've forgotton them all again now as it wasn't a subject I have naturally latched onto). People looked at me so wierdly when I tried to do that! I may be an NT or I may be autistic. I don't know. But... Talking about the weather! Haha! It does t work!

Do you find, (If you are like me) that you get treated as if you were a school pupil? What I mean by that is not that you are talked to as if you were thick, but more.... Let me explain....
Often, when I was in school, another adult like another teacher or a parent etc would come and speak to the teacher. Was regular in primary school. Now they would speak to each other as if us school kids were not there. It is like the adults would turn to talk amongst themselves and almost forgot that there were other intelligent beings in the area who would also love to talk to the new "Guest", or at least would have liked to say "Hello" but if one did it would be looked down upon.
Now I get rhis as an adult. It is like people form conversation groups and chat away, but if I approach, they all go quiet, wait for me to move on, and then chat away again. They are polite but somehow it is as if it is like I am a child in school who is not expected to be included in the conversation. The strange thing is that others in mh family would naturally be included. Why am I any different?

Yes. Detail. I often steer conversations into including a mass of amazing information, some of which I even impress myself in... But some how a group will leave me talkinb to myself, and move to the other side of the room and continue their talking as if they don't want to know. And if I follow them to try to add useful details, my Mum tells me off. Yet they are missing out so much!

Hurtloam. I think you are cool. You remind me of my Aunty. I miss my aunty.

Mountain Goat no I don't seem to have that problem with people. I feel like I often have to carry the conversation with others.

I can never seem to get a good flowing conversation... well, I do sometimes, "never" is a bit harsh, but I find small talk to be like pulling teeth.