Am I being the judgemental a-hole here or nah?

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I agree. I think I understand all the views that have been expressed so far. I do think you might be a little judgemental goldfish but I get where your coming from. I don't think your being an a-hole unless your criticizing the people asking for wants &/or the people helping them get their wants.

I wanna say about the cigarette thing is that smoking is a serious addiction for lots of people. Some people find it excruciatingly difficult to quit smoking during normal times. I've known lots of smokers who claimed that their anxiety is better after they smoke a cig. Smoking is not just a comfort thing for some people. It's a chemical addiction that very much feels like a need for some during times of stress. Anxiety is worse for lots of people rite now so some smokers feel their need to smoke greater than they normally would. Personally I strongly dislike the idea of smoking & dislike being around anyone smoking cuz I have sinus & allergy issues. I sure wouldn't buy anyone cigs even if I had a lot of money to spare but I think it's up to others to decide if they want to buy cigs for people are not.

Actually, the being too ill to cook from scratch point is a good one.

I'll need to make a few batches of things to put in the freezer, just in case... Otherwise I'll be eating tinned vegetables for 2 weeks if I catch the dreaded virus.

Glad you're feeling better Amity.

My friend is 54, he's just quaranteened himself for 14 days in a single room with a kettle and a sink. Cigarettes and instant coffee are his two vices. He told me that the guy in the next room (shared house) had been coughing all week.

As an aside. I'm pretty certain that this friend has given himself psychosomatic corona symptoms. He's been lethargic and said his chest felt tight as he was trying to go to sleep. No cough, no fever. Still, he's convinced himself that he's had the virus. I skyped him a few times and he seemed fine really.

I know that he runs around like a headless chicken and doesn't know what to do withimself in a crisis. I think one of his fears was of dying alone in his small single room. He's probably sat there chainsmoking and there's nothing to do in his room except social media.

A little insight into someone else's world. Instant noodles, cold beans and cigarettes.

?

Have you openly griped about other people's needs list on the Facebook group you mentioned?

( typo in my last post. *Kick off* ie complain)

No.

In part because they have very strict rules as to what posts are allowed to contain and they moderate comments closely.

Example: A single mother of 3 kids posted about needing money in part to pay a $200/mo cable bill & for groceries.

I asked why she didn’t just cancel cable tv and use a less expensive streaming service instead (or not at all) if her budget is too tight to afford groceries. (In case you can’t tell I was very polite in comparison to my thoughts of “Why the f**k do you have a $200/mo cable bill if you can’t afford to feed your kids??? Like where are your priorities????) There were a few other posts made. Mods deleted posts because people aren’t supposed to criticize or suggest alternatives that weren’t asked for etc.

People post their “NEED,” and you can opt to fulfil it or not. There is no discussion allowed that would include criticism of what I would consider luxuries or frivolous “Needs.”

The one I sent $80 to has posted a few requests for help in that group and disclosed things about himself there that made me feel for him, especially since he’s gay/queer, mildly on the spectrum, and disadvantaged in ways I am not due to being raised in poverty on welfare etc. At least I’ve had him as a fb friend for a couple years and know that he is genuine.

The rest I scroll by, mostly. Maybe next month they’ll learn how to cook oatmeal.

Last edited by goldfish21 on 05 Apr 2020, 5:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

LOL.... Maybe a lot of people will emerge from lock down with new craft skills and fitness regimes.

Let them eat oatmeal!

as I wrote that last line I reminded myself of my friend Greg from the beach who’s quit his job every year for 27 years to sell beer at the beach all summer. He sells cars and makes $10-15k/month on good months, then quits to sell beers for $5 a piece. He’ll sometimes runs right out of money and not be able to afford rent or gas or anything and one of the last times he only had like $10 when he was just back to work selling cars for the winter and so he bought a big bag of oatmeal and survived on it for 2+ weeks until he got his first paycheque of the season.

I dont think that you are being overtly judgemental - just displaying irritation at other peoples illogical thought processes and theres nothing wrong with that.

Thanks Hurtloam, I got off lightly.

If someone who was in a situation because of the virus asked me if I could help them out with a Taco Bell meal and a pack of cigarettes, I probably would.

Complete strangers in Facebook group tho?

I could see it if maybe I was passing someone in the street and felt compelled to make some homeless persons day because it just pulled at my heart strings. Hell, I took a homeless guy out for sushi on my birthday once.

Or if someone I know and love “needed,” those things and knowing them I Knew it would comfort them.

But strangers in a Facebook group? Google how to cook oatmeal.

I offered a beggar an apple but it just annoyed him. I tried offering fruit to Indian beggars and it's the same over there. Quite often they will accept a cup of tea and a cigarette. I can see how after a hard day's street hustle an apple might not quite hit the spot.

I don't think you are being judgemental you're just irritated at the "I'm lazy gimme gimme gimme" attitude that some people have today.

Food banks are an excellent resource the only issue is the group I've mentioned; there are some RATS who have the money for food but choose to scrounge from a food bank then spend the money they saved in the pub later on. I'm fairly certain that many people with boil up at this but this is the mentality engrained in a small part of society today.

The mention of pasta sauce....I can't cook! Boiling things and using the oven for something simple are about my limit though cold food is no problem. Some people are worse some better.

There is a larger problem that someone with allergies might struggle to afford the special food and it is possible that a food bank may not have such things. This I can fully understand if someone needs help buying it.

To the frivalous things; if I don't have the money for something I go without. I would not ever, ever ask someone to pay a bill for me out of their own pocket. It's taking the pee in a big way.

Facebook or whatever.
I would either say "nah" or "sure why not" depending on how it struck me.
One thing is for sure. I wouldn't get all bent out of shape over it.

Heart strings moment. I just sent $44 to a penniless gay artist for his 44th bday today that went all kinds of wrong.

This man has lived a wild life of trauma & survival. He went from being on the street to being an advocate for homeless youth and sex workers. He hosts the huge sober street party during Pride, was one of the grand Marshall’s of the parade, MC’d a local TedX event I went to.. he’s been through a lot, overcome, and inspired many. Now he lives several hundred kms away and survives on disability $ and his small business selling blends of essential oils/fragrances, jewelry and art. But tonight was definitely a feeling defeated sort of night when he posted a video to Facebook to vent about.. life.. and his efforts to help local homeless people rn with things like his hand sanitizer.

I’d better go to sleep or tonight is going to end up costing me more money.