Turning people down

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you don't owe anyone anything - explanation or justification or your time.

especially if you are even fearing violence as stated above.
if you fear them labeling you for simply being honest and setting boundaries - they are bullies, manipulative.

stay away from such people.

stick to someone who is responsible, smart, and caring and has it 'together' overall (socially adept) as a social 'guide'.
ask them for advice (tell them the way you told us)
that's what i find works in situations of not knowing how to navigate a social interaction (i ask my sister or nice brother)


whatever you would say and rules you would impose if you had a "kid" your age, can alternatively
just 'parent' yourself (pretending).
it may give you more resolve in situations where you're worried but weakening to someone else's forcefulness. that's what i do now.

Thanks Yeah I feel like it's 'rude' to turn people down but if I'm not attracted, I'm not attracted and I'm fed up of doing things because I'm pressured.

I think it's a difference in a cisheteronormative society between males & females. Males wouldn't experience it as much. There's guys out there (and trans women who haven't transitioned in 60 years and therefore have been used to getting away with acting like guys...) who will seek out females they find alone, either people they know who don't have a lot of friends or people they see walking alone.

My life now is pretty much a 'hermit' but even with pronouns in my bio, I still get it online cos of my looks. I look either like a woman or like a very young (so vulnerable) guy. In the past, I've been more active and it started when I was a kid playing out. Then at sixth form with guys my age, college with guys my age, working in a shop etc. Even been hassled just going shopping - a shopkeeper tried to kiss me and idk if he was just a creep or if I was giving the wrong signals or what?

Some women will act like this and some gay men will act like this but it's a lot rarer because the height difference etc isn't the same.

Not all cis het guys act like this, just the creepy ones. A healthy NT guy will seek out a girl with lots of friends/emotional support. A healthy aspie guy will seek out a girl who shares his hobbies & build a friendship with her. Not this 'I see you're alone in the world, I'm going to groom you to rely on me and be afraid of me' stuff.

Online is easier than offline cos you can just block them. It's always in DMs that people are creepy online. I've found more cis girls doing it online too, because the screen means all you have to be 'stronger' in is social power & confidence, you don't have to be physically overpowering.

This is an odd way of thinking, in my book.
"Snap out of it."

Do you look at people in the eyes?
For a prolonged period of time?

I just look around me and tbh I have dark glasses so people don't see my eyes much anyway.

I do find it hard to shut down conversations. I feel as if it's rude to do so. Some men take this as flirting rather than as being polite and hoping they go away.

I was socialised a lot more in 'how to be polite' than 'how to stand up for yourself'. My mum never did the standing up for herself thing and my dad is rude in how he does it & over the top. So I know the rude, over the top way to do it but not how to set proper boundaries.

It's quite common that if you've been abused as a kid, they seek you out. Idk how creeps manage to do this but it's statistically more common than on average.

Just say you're not interested. There's no need to worry about offending anyone because people get offended due to their own emotional issues and not because of anything anyone else says to them.