I don't think you are evil. Feelings are things that happen to us and are not much under conscious control, at least for most of us. Although we can learn to change the focus of our feelings, that is something that takes skill, training and many years. At least it did for me.
What is under our control is our actions.
Have you heard the story, attributed to Native Americans, but I really don't know and don't want to get in trouble for any misunderstanding or misattribution here, and I am going to butcher it in the retelling. But basically, a grandfather tells a grandson that there are two wolves battling it out inside of everyone, an evil wolf and a good wolf. The child asks which wolf will win. Grandfather tells the child: Which ever one you feed.
If you are overwhelmed with negative thoughts, try to "feed" the good wolf inside of you. You may have to look for things to do to feed that good wolf.
I can tell you that at one point in my life, had murder been legal, I would have gladly killed my father. So I have some understanding of what it means to wish horrible things on one's enemies.
But it is not worth living your life that way.
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The river is the melody
And sky is the refrain - Gordon Lightfoot
05 Sep 2020, 6:44 pm
