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Disappointing social experience

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Marknis
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31 Mar 2021, 4:00 pm

I am not in the mood for jokes but I can’t say more than that or else I will be banned. I’ve actually been told this even if others use my topics to ridicule me.



Marknis
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31 Mar 2021, 4:06 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't recommend anybody getting involved in alcohol....it affects people in different ways. I know a guy who goes nutso when he has two beers.

I got to places where people drink. I just order a Coke.


I wanted to prove my older brother wrong but I never could. Sure, he’s in an unhappy marriage and has five kids (One is on the way) who devour his time but I wanted to show him that you don’t need to be a “Christian”, drink as well as smoke excessively, get tatted up, and hate everything “non-American” to have social success. He no longer rubs his success in my face but I have nothing to show for my years of trying to get out of my rut. I really don’t understand why people tell me “Just change your attitude!” when I have legitimate reasons to be upset.



r00tb33r
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31 Mar 2021, 5:04 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Well, I'll hang out with r00tb33r if y'all don't mind. He sounds like it could be fun.

Hey dude, buy me a mojito?

You're on. I get off work at 8PM on weekdays or anytime on weekends. Sure, we can drink for breakfast if you want. :lol:



justkillingtime
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31 Mar 2021, 5:29 pm

Marknis, I think you would have much more success in a different demographic. I think you have a lot to offer. The people you mention seem to me to be the ones with problems.


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Marknis
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31 Mar 2021, 6:27 pm

justkillingtime wrote:
Marknis, I think you would have much more success in a different demographic. I think you have a lot to offer. The people you mention seem to me to be the ones with problems.


Do you mean different demographics in my area or in a place like Austin? In my experience where I live, women of most demographics are very “Texified” in that they generally want a Christian man who is non-shy. It’s different with Indian and Middle Eastern women but the former tend to have arranged marriages since they are mostly Hindu and the latter are majority Muslim who marry early.



BeaArthur
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01 Apr 2021, 1:00 am

Marknis wrote:
I am not in the mood for jokes but I can’t say more than that or else I will be banned. I’ve actually been told this even if others use my topics to ridicule me.

Was that directed at me? I'm sorry. I merely meant to say I, personally, do find that a drink makes me feel relaxed and social. I think the back and forth about whether you should drink is ridiculous, as it is very much a personal choice.


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justkillingtime
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01 Apr 2021, 11:48 am

Marknis wrote:
justkillingtime wrote:
Marknis, I think you would have much more success in a different demographic. I think you have a lot to offer. The people you mention seem to me to be the ones with problems.


Do you mean different demographics in my area or in a place like Austin? In my experience where I live, women of most demographics are very “Texified” in that they generally want a Christian man who is non-shy. It’s different with Indian and Middle Eastern women but the former tend to have arranged marriages since they are mostly Hindu and the latter are majority Muslim who marry early.


I mean a place like Austin or outside of Texas. You call it the Vile belt. It might be a bad fit for you and you are not thriving there. Maybe if you could try a place that better fits your values and religious beliefs. You could try a university town/city like Madison, Wisconsin. You could start by vacationing for a week or so at a location that sounds like it has people with similar values as you.


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Mona Pereth
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01 Apr 2021, 1:30 pm

Marknis wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Not the main topic here, but if you ever again have occasion to go to a bar, would it be possible to get some kind of soda or maybe some kind of fruit juice in lieu of an alcoholic beverage? Whenever I've gone to a bar (which is hardly ever), I usually got cranberry juice.

[...]

I've always been a strong believer in not doing anything I'm seriously uncomfortable with (for whatever reason) just to fit in. I've always preferred to stick out a little bit from the crowd -- and thereby, hopefully, attract the attention of people who share my difference, whatever it might be. Even if no one shares my difference, I still refuse to put up with major physical discomforts just so I can look like everyone else.


I have done that before and it immediately marked me as a “wuss” or even gay in the eyes of the other bar goers. Even if you get something like a wine cooler, you are considered a wimp and apparently having something like a Heineken has a homosexual connotation. If you don’t get “hammered” immediately, you aren’t doing something right in the eyes of these people.

Sticking out from the crowd hasn’t worked in my favor. It just puts me on the outside looking in. One of the worst times this happened was when my car’s alternator started going out in Austin and I had to pull over. It just so happened that the closest place was a ballroom and I could see through the windows people dancing and having fun. It illustrated my life so well. I struggle while others are having fun. I also feel like everyone is part of a party that my invitation to got lost in the mail.

Have you ever tried participating in gatherings that were more structured than just a party? Possible examples:

- board games
- role-playing games
- writing workshops in which everyone gets to critique everyone else's writing.


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Marknis
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01 Apr 2021, 2:48 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Not the main topic here, but if you ever again have occasion to go to a bar, would it be possible to get some kind of soda or maybe some kind of fruit juice in lieu of an alcoholic beverage? Whenever I've gone to a bar (which is hardly ever), I usually got cranberry juice.

[...]

I've always been a strong believer in not doing anything I'm seriously uncomfortable with (for whatever reason) just to fit in. I've always preferred to stick out a little bit from the crowd -- and thereby, hopefully, attract the attention of people who share my difference, whatever it might be. Even if no one shares my difference, I still refuse to put up with major physical discomforts just so I can look like everyone else.


I have done that before and it immediately marked me as a “wuss” or even gay in the eyes of the other bar goers. Even if you get something like a wine cooler, you are considered a wimp and apparently having something like a Heineken has a homosexual connotation. If you don’t get “hammered” immediately, you aren’t doing something right in the eyes of these people.

Sticking out from the crowd hasn’t worked in my favor. It just puts me on the outside looking in. One of the worst times this happened was when my car’s alternator started going out in Austin and I had to pull over. It just so happened that the closest place was a ballroom and I could see through the windows people dancing and having fun. It illustrated my life so well. I struggle while others are having fun. I also feel like everyone is part of a party that my invitation to got lost in the mail.

Have you ever tried participating in gatherings that were more structured than just a party? Possible examples:

- board games
- role-playing games
- writing workshops in which everyone gets to critique everyone else's writing.


I had a big message but the site messed up and the reply disappeared. But yes, I have attended those kind of gatherings. I am short on time due to losing my last reply so I’ll elaborate on my experiences later.



Marknis
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02 Apr 2021, 7:34 pm

I used to be a part of a Meet Up group that played board games but they also drank and smoked a lot so I was often sidelined. The leader of the group’s girlfriend also chewed me out for something trivial. I stopped going for those reasons.

I am part of a group that does role-playing games. It’s only men, though.

The aforementioned Meet Up group once had a creative writing “work shop” event but it never happened again.



Marknis
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05 Apr 2021, 9:18 pm

Why was I even born if my life wasn’t going to amount to anything?



BeaArthur
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05 Apr 2021, 9:44 pm

Marknis wrote:
Why was I even born if my life wasn’t going to amount to anything?

Most people's life doesn't amount to anything. I'm afraid you are going by your parents' (or your mom's) yardstick again. Here's an alternative frame of reference: Life is precious; we are therefore obligated to enjoy it.


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Mona Pereth
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05 Apr 2021, 10:26 pm

Marknis wrote:
I am part of a group that does role-playing games. It’s only men, though.

It's good that you have some male friends.

Do most of them have girlfriends? Does at least one of them have difficulties similar to yours?

If the latter is true, then perhaps you and that other guy could try to figure out, together, how to build a role-playing game group that would also appeal to women?

Which game(s) does your current group play?


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Marknis
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05 Apr 2021, 10:50 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I am part of a group that does role-playing games. It’s only men, though.

It's good that you have some male friends.

Do most of them have girlfriends? Does at least one of them have difficulties similar to yours?

If the latter is true, then perhaps you and that other guy could try to figure out, together, how to build a role-playing game group that would also appeal to women?

Which game(s) does your current group play?


Two are married, one has a girlfriend, and the last two are single. One of the single friends is on the spectrum.

The thing is this friend lives a few hours away and currently only joins in on the games through video chat. He also says he will most likely move out of state soon. It’s like I have a black cloud following me wherever I go.

We currently play 7th Sea and a Star Wars D&D type game.



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08 Apr 2021, 5:39 pm

Marknis wrote:
Why was I even born if my life wasn’t going to amount to anything?


Why do you still believe this?

:?


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kraftiekortie
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08 Apr 2021, 6:07 pm

You survived a difficult birth. That's one point in your favor.