Who has had guiltless sex outside of marriage?

Post Reply New Topic

i think if i got married, i would feel guilty about that. just makes the inevitable breakup more complicated and stressful.

I know what you mean. I couldn't hold a marriage together for fifty years; I don't know about anyone else here...

I don't get why guilt would be involved as long as it was consensual

What if it was adultery?

I'm still a virgin.
But some people are tutoring me to do just that.
I have not had my first kiss yet.

Excellent observation. The Bible and other similar codes and rules were designed to control the impulsive and self destructive behaviors that NT's are prone to engage in. Since Aspies are far less likely to engage in that kind of behavior then those rules may harm more than help us. Ragtime, I think you may need to put your Bible away for awhile and rethink things. You are an Aspie, not an NT, and it may not be in your best interest to try and follow all of the rules you are trying to follow.

But he just asked about sex outside marriage not breaking some other agreement or contract for which the guilt would be because of that not the sex.

The only guilt that I can really think
of is when someone is hurt. So, either
cheating (if discovered) or being lousy.

Unfortunately, I'm too honest not to
admit (though apparently not so honest
to avoid the crime itself - at least at the
time), and occasionally not quite as attentive
as I should be.

I've had guilty sex both in and out of marriage.
Damned little of it though. Mostly, I'm pretty
comfortable with it.

I'm still a young guy... 23 years old and have had sex with four girls. Haven't been married yet and don't plan to. For my type of person, it is utterly useless. I can, however, see the point of marriage for many other "normal" people.

I think it was Metal_guy who described marriage as a pointless and obsolete affair. While I agree that it might not be good for you or me, it is important for society in general for one big reason. That reason is children. Marriage discourages men from having affairs (although they often do), and breaking up with their wives to start new families. When men do this, they lose half of everything and they have to pay alimony. It forces men to stay home with the wife and kids, which is, in my opinion important. It's very important for kids to know their fathers.

The obvious counterargument to that is that despite all the pain in the ass crap they have to deal with when they leave their families and wives, they still do it!! In America the divorce rate is higher than 50%! ! So much for marriage... so that's the major Chinese in the armor of my argument. But think about this, how many more kids do you suppose wouldn't know their fathers if they didn't have the incentive to stay with their families imposed by marriage law and the US court systems?

I'm not sure that it matters much either way, but I can certainly see and understand the importance of marriage, even in today's f*cuked up world.

I'm not going to have a kid to pass my AS genes to. That would be cruel and selfish. So that means no marriage for me. I'll keep tending to the harem, thank you.

Perhaps many people with AS don't think of marriage as practical or feasible because they don't feel that they can have it, not because they don't want it. I never thought I would get married either and probably would have agreed with those who think of marriage as sour grapes too before I did, but I think that when the right person comes along things change. It is interesting, that although my husband does not have AS he is also not NT. (Sometimes I think we AS people like to think that there are only two types of people, maybe it's all that black and white thinking )

Having been married myself, the main thing I don't like about it is that it's all raw, real, and in-your-face, day after day, and year after year. Those who take their lifetime-partner vows seriously have to forget dreaming or hoping about anything better, and, as a dreamer by nature, I've found that my aspirations toward my relationship ideal are much sweet than the down-and-dirty reality once I got there (*shivers*). A couple years into my marriage, I shook my head and couldn't believe how miserable I was, and how I had thought it would stay romantic and wonderful on and on. I felt like a sucker.

Marriage is something best presented by prefect Hollywood camera angles and lighting, sculpted intertwining bodies (gimme a break ), and through the use of MAJOR dramatic license in story writing -- than by real life. The gift-card version leaves the real thing in the dust. And I had a pretty good marriage!

To sum it up in three words: NO THANK YOU.

Last edited by Ragtime on 26 Jul 2007, 3:37 pm, edited 8 times in total.

Children need more of a family than
a mother and father. And this society has
tenaciously destroyed that extended family,
in the ideal of the nuclear one. Really, 'tis
THAT which one can look to as the root
cause of many of our problems. Moving
away from that, towards more complicated
structures, offering more support, would be
a real boon.

Marriage just doesn't emphasize this though.
Perhaps, according to what you are saying, what
we really need is a formalization of the full familial
responsibility?

Isn't that the direct path to oppression? People in large, actively-involved families have their whole decision-making process controlled by them. And the chief method of control is the threat of disowning the would-be independent son or daughter. But sure, having a large, well-integrated family isn't all bad -- there are pluses and minuses to dependence and independence. I mean, look at the Mafia.

I don't know, but I think the reason that my marriage works so well is that I didn't ever think that it would be in that wonderful romantic love stage forever and ever. It is the raw and real part that is the most rewarding to me. I find it exceptionally gratifying that after five years my husband will still forgive me for my flaws even when he knows that I can't change and that I can forgive him his flaws even when I know he can't change. I guess I just always thought of marriage as having a close friend with whom to grow old. I never thought that he was perfect or that I was perfect just that we both had it in our hearts to forgive each other over and over and over 70 x 7 times. That is the kind of love that holds a marriage together, not some smushy wishy washy feeling that comes and goes and comes back again.

So are you now divorced, Ragtime? And now you want explore guiltless sex out of marriage?

I personally wouldn't have it any other way.

i have