Can I be mad now?

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Agrees with what KRaftie wrote…. Knows of many couples, whom I have met whom do that.
It still sounds like a frustrating situation for others too.

In my state there is little tolerance, much less enthusiasm for, people with developmental disabilities getting married, or even, heaven forbid, having sex. I can’t imagine public support for changing the SSI regulations.

But back to Sweetleaf- Kortie’s right. Lots of people refer to a long time partner as husband and wife regardless of the civil status. Nobody cares anymore.

well yeah it is more frustration than outright anger I suppose.

In my state we used to have something called common law marriage. It seems most people believe it's a bad idea. I would be OK with reviving it.

Oh sure, I do find it annoying though like I got enough sex negative stuff growing up. So yeah screw anyone telling me with a developmental disability I can't have sex...of course they'd be even more horrified of how I like to have sex. But well, I can't help the things that turn me on. But yeah I figure for all intents and purposes if I just called him my husband online no one needs the back story that we aren't actually married.

Ain’t nobodies business but your own . It your life .

Exactly.

Sounds like a good idea to me.

If it’s only the legal document part you can’t obtain; exchange rings, have a ceremony and a dinner party & then refer to each other as miniatures painter & wife. Why not?

Haha!

If only, though. In Colorado, simply calling yourself married is enough to qualify as common law marriage, which is no different under the law than conventional marriage. Where it gets tricky is when it comes to SSI benefits. If it gets out that you're representing yourselves as married, they could conceivably cut your benefits to reflect what your working partner makes.

I don't know all the details. You lose something, like, 1/4 of your SSI income when that happens.

So then don't call yourselves married or husband and wife.

Call yourselves "Paired; Nerd & Nerdette."

Whatever. Make your own titles that represent coupledom for you But can't be construed as anything SSI reducing by the greedy gubmint.

Likes the titles Nerd and Nerdette ……

You can be angry if you want. The law discriminates against disabled people, plain and simple.

Your inability to marry is an unethical loss of human rights.

So…pretty much her status quo, anyway. I really, REALLY love how she describes them as a “forever couple,” because that nicely sums up my own relationship. One of my favorite daytime soap actresses recently got married to the guy she’s been dating the last 5 years. 5 freakin years! They weren’t married 2 months and they’re already talking divorce. This is someone I’ve admired and, admittedly, crushed on and even had an out-of-the-blue convo with on Twitter…and then, of course, being more so human than just a Hollywood type, this person disappointed me. Really made me sad. But then how many people have I known personally that went through that? And it really just boils down to wanting the dress and the cake. Sweetleaf seems to really mean it, though, and apparently living it out. If you think about how stupid married people act sometimes, why would you ever even want to get married? I know why Christians want to get married (sex without sin), but I say if you don’t love the person you sleep with, a legal document isn’t going to make you magically right with God in that department.

Now, the hard, insensitive question is this: What’s more important, money or your relationship? I’m not saying this as being judgmental—there’s plenty to love about money. But it really comes down to the ultimate value of marriage versus income. I can tell you that people who really are “forever couples” and get married are highly resilient people and will go to any length to preserve their relationship. What makes marriage so great is that it takes a life of its own and grows. It takes a lot of energy and time. It takes setting goals and achieving them together. It’s its own full-time job. That can really weigh down on people who aren’t all-in. I think my wife and I mostly just enjoy everything that goes with it—the kids, aggressive career ambition, maintaining vehicles and living space, eating meals together, total lack of privacy, church, cooking, endless laundry, and SOMETIMES weekend vacations once every few years. It’s fun, the rewards are worth it, but it is undeniably exhausting. Not all married couples take it that far, some do more or less. But being married you don’t really have the same individual identity as a single person, so for us that makes the work a lot easier to handle mentally and emotionally. I think a lot of couples try to keep being single and live like roommates but don’t even give each other the respect of being friends with benefits. Maybe it’s just fear of being alone. Idk. But I think if you don’t want all that comes with being in a marriage, whatever that looks like for you, you’ll either be miserable or you’ll break up. Wanting to be married is always one of those “be careful what you wish for” kinds of things. Getting married might not even be worth it in the long run, and it has nothing to do with whether you like you SSI money better than your partner.

Name any other status of adult who can't get married, without having a financial penalty imposed by the government.

It's Draconian.

Gay men, gay women, interracial couples, straight couples, and in some cases even bigamists can marry.

Heaven forbid a disabled couple get married. They're punished financially and their children would have to be raised as "illegitimate" because of an arbitrary and highly discriminatory law. People lose access to health benefits and life insurance proceeds. It destabilises families, unnecessarily. What about people who are religious and won't live together or have premarital sex? They're unable to have relationships? That's discrimination.

I can't believe people don't freak out about the violation to their rights.

Any other social group would protest, but disabled people are supposed to just smile and say it's OK.

You have a right to be angry because it is ridiculous. I hate that the system is like this and you have to deal with it.