Serious answers please

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Like food, some people like people to be spicy.

Phlegmatic and plain can sometimes be too boring. You were not disliked, but they definitely preferred the company of the other.

That's why I don't want to wear glasses, as I'm afraid they will make me look plain.

I just got tired of seeing other women going to her all the time to chat. They still do it now, on Facebook, but ignore me, even though I heard they don't see each other any more. In fact they're the ones that left me out when they arranged to go to a really cool theme park that I expressed that I loved, but I did not get an invite at all. And I could have gone with them, because they had a spare ticket whom they didn't know who to give to. I didn't like to invite myself, so instead I just hinted that I loved theme parks, but they still offered the last ticket to one of the others - this married woman who I actually knew more than they did.

Talk about left out. I hate being left out. It hurts so much. All I want to do is belong, to feel included, and to experience going on a trip with a crowd of colleagues. That would really make me feel NT, and if I do ever feel lonelier than everyone else at least I can say "well I have been on a trip with a group of mates from work", just like every NT I know has. But I haven't. I feel like people who could be my friends just don't care about me, don't consider my feelings, only care about the angry whiny attention-seeking b***h who doesn't care about anyone only herself.
I'm not talking about the guys, as I have a boyfriend - I'm talking about other women.

So true, so true.

It's funny, my taste in men (and those who aren't exactly cis men or women) is all over the place. I have no discernable type at all. But for your cis type woman...oh...I have a type. I like them crazy and bi**hy. The spicier the better.

In my case, as an adult I'm prone to dysfunctional relationships most likely due to a dysfunctional childhood. It goes like that with some people who had certain types of screwy early years. We never really learn how to be attracted to healthy people and function in healthy relationships, so we flock to what we know. And if that's sulky, immature, moody... so be it. It's not a thing you think about...it just happens. You find what you know. Like moths to a flame.

And standard disclaimer... Not saying everyone who dates someone who behaves that way has childhood issues...just saying I have and I know I'm not the only one.

I once dated a woman who was dx'd with BPD (among other things). That 'intense relationships' thing that often comes with that dx... a lot of times people dwell on the negatives with that. But there's a lot of positives as well. My ex had this way of glomming onto people she found interesting and she'd make them feel like they were the most amazing person she'd ever met. She'd want to know everything about them and she truly loved every thing they shared about themselves. And they saw/felt that. She could take a stranger and have a new best friend in them in less than ten minutes. It was a thing to behold. She had a gift of making people feel good about themselves and truly liked and appreciated. Maybe your ex-coworker also has that gift?

Mini novel aside, I'm sorry that you feel left out. But for what it's worth, if those people don't consider your feelings, they don't deserve your friendship anyhow. So to hell with 'em.

What, going on about herself and not really caring about others? I have better skills in that. I'm always making people feel liked and appreciated, but only a handful of people (mostly guys) appreciate it.

I think I'm going to just give up on looking for females as friends (unless they're way older than me, or are family) and just look for friendships in guys. They're so much easier to make friends with.

I was thinking maybe she was doing that in private with them...stuff you wouldn't necessarily be able to see or know about.

This is the problem with "The Haven".

let's just say that folks in general are pretty superficial. these folks IMHO simply DO NOT DESERVE the favorable attention of a decent if anodyne human. to attract, you have to have something to offer that is not widely available. referring to the goth girl who got fired, she likely had an aura of mystery despite her advertising her woes in public. people like to investigate mysteries. just my two-cents' worth.

I thought NTs liked everyone to be the same?

Told you, there are really no answers to this mystery.

There is always an answer to why someone is popular. We may not be able to work it out though due to our own blind spots, biases, lack of social understanding / sophistication, lack of knowledge of certain facts and events, and our own proximity to another. Or any combination of the above.

I am making a serious point that if you constrain the scope of answers then there is a good chance that you will not get the answer to the question you pose. I am constrained by your requirements, but I'm still trying to be helpful around the edges to give some insights/perspectives.

There is a fundamental challenge here though - that you are seeing your workplace and social aspects through the Joe lens, and then posting here after some processing and subjectivity asking for advice - there are inherently biases and incomplete information in this process. This isn't personal, it is human, and I think on the first 'lens' point it is a particular problem for us with ASD because our lens is no doubt pretty different to what is 'actually' happening. So I'm not sure you or us will be able to find the answer because of this set up. The answer is out there though.

My tip - if you actually want to hear it - is to find a clever way of asking a colleague about this person that you seem envious of by way of cheerful reminiscing.

I did confide in one colleague I can trust (who is not in their "clique") and he said that it's because I'm mature while they (including the BPD girl) are immature, even though they're around the same age as me.

But that doesn't really explain it enough. I don't think he knows the answer either. There isn't an answer. Maybe the answer is no matter how well my social skills are or become I will never be liked because I'm on the f*****g autism spectrum. But even that is not an answer because there are plenty of autistic people who manage to fit in with their NT peers and do normal NT things with them. But that's another mystery.

my dad useta tell me, "birds of a feather, flock together." they chase away any other bird not of their feather. humans do likewise.

I thought someone here once told me that opposites attract, when trying to answer why the girl who had more similar characteristics to me was still more interested in the neurotic girl than she was me even though we got on and chatted and I would say nice things to her.

Actually, glasses frequently enhances a person’s looks. They enhance mine.

Not me they don't. I feel like a plain jane when I'm wearing glasses and it lowers my confidence. I sort of look like someone with learning difficulties when in wearing glasses. I look like I have learning difficulties anyway because I often get conned into things with salespeople and someone once said that I do look gullible.

I think they enhance looks on a guy but not on women like me.

Not if you get fashionable glasses.....how good is the NHS when it comes to glasses?