I do not fit in and I will never fit in and that is okay.

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You do not want to see me on caffeine. Ask Rexi.
Yep, frustration is a big problem for many on the spectrum, including me.



Yep, it is a spectrum.
I have NO problems looking into ppl's eyes, and I have no serious sensitivity issues that I can think of.[/quote]

I've been giving this thought, and please excuse my rambling Pepe.

I spent most of my life without knowing I was autistic. A lot of what I learned socially was by trial and fire. I learned through media and irl interactions how to socialize. Once in awhile, I would get called out and say that "hey that's kind mean/weird/rude." And I would know to try and not do that next time. I mask fairly well as a normie, but it's not the best one. There are holes, cracks, and places held up by duct tape. The weirdness seeps through regardless of how well I do. Growing up without being treated I was autistic, and with the expectations of being "not normal" helped me. And didn't help me.

Women are also expected to be more social than men, and when they aren't, it is regarded as cute. Or something else. You often hear about the brooding lone wolf in the corner, but with women she is the shy wall flower. A little quirky.

I think that being forced to learn helped me alot. And it can make me be a little ...peevish? towards others with more struggles. I want to help, I try to give advice, but I also am peevish that some of these problems can be solved by pushing yourself. You have to at some point for survival. There can be a way around things.

But of course forcing someone in a situation they do not want to be in will do the opposite. I dunno, it's just a ramble of my thoughts. I just feel alienated a lot and it is probably my own fault lol.

I'll get straight to the point.
Personally, I think autistic ppl partner better with autistic ppl.

I don't know what your relationship status is, atm.
The last time I heard, you said that you broke it off with your SO.
If you could find a compatible autistic partner you wouldn't have to mask, I would have thought.
There would be greater understanding.
Or do you want to stay single?

I guess if you are still at uni or working, you probably still want to mask, but at least you could be you at home.

Honestly? I've tried dating guys with autism in the past and it didn't work out. I'm too ...socialized? I can meet their needs and challenges, but more often than not, my needs are ignored. One of them was a sex pest and manipulated me to do many, many things I was not comfortable with.

I'm cursed so it seems.

^And I thought I was cursed, not being able to get ANY date at all.

I'm not sure what you mean by this.

I've literally NEVER had a girlfriend in my life, yet I'm periodically trying to get one, but such good ones are hard to find.

I think there is a lot of peace, or contentment, to be found in accepting yourself.
However, I've found it is a double edged sword to give up on thinking one will ever be accepted as "normal"; the sense of peace but also the sadness of forever. There really is no choice, so, the sooner you can accept the less stress you endure.

That was me too, for the longest time. Also had a sex pest, two... lost count now do the same to me.

Some people think theyd enjoy living my past but I only have to talk about a bit before they decide it's not a good trade. Honestly, people dont need bad dates, they need to choose well. Otherwise they waste their time and health for the future for themselves and others.

Me and pepe were lucky, and we also had a friend suggest we'd get along. We ended up dating. He's the only one who works out for me, and finally I feel like I broke the spell. Every time things didn't work out I also still felt like a virgin.

It's working for us but everyone has different needs.

You are only 25.
Nuff said.

I have never hidden my eccentricities.
Behaving as oneself may attract the right partner, right?

I feel this.

I rather not get any dates than deal with people who've hurt me

I feel the same- I don't fit in with non-autistic or autistic people. Or anyone.

I think partly it's how the world is these days: you have to be one or the other- red or blue, left or right etc. and I don't fit in with either camp. People can't classify me so they ignore me.

Because when I was young, til the age of about 30, I was pretty much accepted as 'that quirky, rather strange woman, but she's okay when you get to know her.'

All that has gone now- I'm just 'that weirdo who has nothing to offer anyone.'

I don't go out of the house if I can help it, I only see my husband and daughter every day. It's hardly a healthy life full of friends, family, fun, but it seems to be my lot in life. At the end of it I'll think 'hmph. What was the point of that then?'

If that's how you feel, very well. I respect it.

Yeah. Same here. I go back and forth as to why I think it is that I don't fit in. Sometimes I seem to care about that and try to figure it out, and other times, I don't. Really though, I imagine it's both complicated and subjective...the reasons why will likely change depending on who I'm not fitting in with.

For the most part, I don't mind that I don't fit in anywhere. I'm generally at peace with this and often I wouldn't want to fit in. It does get to me now and then though. I suppose I'm lucky that those moments don't seem to last long or cause me much upset.