Binary/Non-trans people stating their pronouns
And now I've noticed I wandered into PPR, so I'm likely out after this.
'They' has always been a singular and plural pronoun for me.
I didn't say all Catholics or all anyone. I illustrated "some" with myself.
I have not heard of your she-rule specifically, but just the general don't use a pronoun until after naming (or describing) the person referred to. Would it then be "Mrs. Smith was going shopping today, but Mrs. Smith said to tell you 'hi' on her way out"? Or could the latter Mrs. Smith be referenced using she under this rule?
Was it before 1375?
It's no different than being taught the Oxford comma or not. Or ending a sentence in a preposition. Grammar rules go in & out of fashion.
I did not say that what I was taught (& managed to internalize long-term) was correct, only that it is a thing. I didn't say it shouldn't change.
I have run into things in life where I was taught differently than older generations too. It was interesting to hear from them the difference. So my explaining was simply to be that example.
'They' has always been a singular and plural pronoun for me.
I didn't say all Catholics or all anyone. I illustrated "some" with myself.
I have not heard of your she-rule specifically, but just the general don't use a pronoun until after naming (or describing) the person referred to. Would it then be "Mrs. Smith was going shopping today, but Mrs. Smith said to tell you 'hi' on her way out"? Or could the latter Mrs. Smith be referenced using she under this rule?
You added your personal anecdotes to this thread , so did I , nothing more.
I think it was only 'she' that was a no-no but using 'her' is considered relatively rude , in your example
"Mrs. Smith was going shopping today, but Mrs. Smith said to tell you 'hi' on her way out"
I would say
"Mrs. Smith was going shopping today, but they said to tell you 'hi' on their way out" 'her' would be replaced with 'their' in polite company (which I am not and I don't speak the Queens English as I am an uneducated ingrate)
I did a quick google search and 'she' only appears to be rude when the person is present but I was dragged up differently.
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Another man's freedom fighter, one man's terrorist is - Yoda (probably)
FleaOfTheChill
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Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 311
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 3,232
Location: Just outside of reality
My wife thought I was an Aspie but it turns out that being transgender accounts for all my social issues!
I've discovered that if I present female, even though I'm AMAB, I have little difficulty socializing and understanding body language. But, trying to present male crosses up the signals! I am short and have a thin hourglass figure that screams female.
Personally I don't care what pronouns people use as long as they are polite. But, some have a limited amount of energy for socializing so if they don't expend it on gender identification they can use it for something else. I'd rather they get my order right the first time.
The usual thing I’ve heard is that they do that to be “inclusive”. I kind of see what they’re saying, but I think it’s ok to live in a world where people have to advocate for themselves regarding their pronouns. If someone tells me they want to be referred to as a certain pronoun, I will respect that. But for the rest of us, I’m just not feeling on board with that part of it.
One last note, even my mom tells people her pronouns at her work. That’s wild to me that much older people have gotten on board with it.
I hope to get some good responses on this. I’d love to discuss this with other people as long as they’re not making me out to be a total scumbag.
There are a few things to consider.
The first is, much of the time these things happen in instances when it isn't possible to tell someone's gender, like online (I've never seen it in meatspace, only in things like email signatures, Twitter bios, and Discord roles). If your name is JRR Tolkien, Sam Fox, or The_Walrus, it's not immediately obvious what your gender is. Similarly, names aren't necessarily cross-cultural - it might be obvious to you that "John" is a man, but maybe it isn't obvious to Cixin or Namwali. And to be clear, I'm saying this before we get into the trans stuff, but that does of course feed in here as well. Sometimes your assumptions about someone's gender will be wrong, whether that's just because they're a masculine cis woman, because they're a feminine cis man, or because they're variously trans.
The second argument is simply that if only trans people are declaring their pronouns, then suddenly the act of declaring your pronouns is not a normal act, and it catches people by surprise. Related, but a cis person stating their pronouns not only normalises the act of declaring their pronouns, but is also a nice, gentle way of saying, "hey, if you're trans then I support you".
I guess the ultimate thing is that it simply doesn't hurt you at all if other people have their pronouns in their email signature. It might seem a little odd at first, but it's just a little thing people do to be kind.
"They", "them", and "their" are also singular pronouns. Have you never referenced a singular person as "them" in conversation with someone else before, especially someone who didn't know who exactly you were talking about?
Example: "My friend loves dogs. THEY have one, and THEIR dog loves cheese. I should get THEM some cheese flavoured treats for THEIR dog."
No. "They", "them", and "their", are all third person plural. But like a homeowner who grabs a butterknife to use as a screwdriver to turn a flat head screw we English speakers do have a history using them as makeshift third person words singular words in certain situations...like when discussing a hypothetic future phone caller at your job (whose gender can be either) you will say "deal with THEM this way, or that way...".
"They", "them", and "their" are also singular pronouns. Have you never referenced a singular person as "them" in conversation with someone else before, especially someone who didn't know who exactly you were talking about?
Example: "My friend loves dogs. THEY have one, and THEIR dog loves cheese. I should get THEM some cheese flavoured treats for THEIR dog."
No. "They", "them", and "their", are all third person plural. But like a homeowner who grabs a butterknife to use as a screwdriver to turn a flat head screw we English speakers do have a history using them as makeshift third person words singular words in certain situations...like when discussing a hypothetic future phone caller at your job (whose gender can be either) you will say "deal with THEM this way, or that way...".
Whether you like it or not , are an English major or not, find them clumsy? they are indeed also singular pronouns as FF stated.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singular_they
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Another man's freedom fighter, one man's terrorist is - Yoda (probably)
"They", "them", and "their" are also singular pronouns. Have you never referenced a singular person as "them" in conversation with someone else before, especially someone who didn't know who exactly you were talking about?
Example: "My friend loves dogs. THEY have one, and THEIR dog loves cheese. I should get THEM some cheese flavoured treats for THEIR dog."
No. "They", "them", and "their", are all third person plural. But like a homeowner who grabs a butterknife to use as a screwdriver to turn a flat head screw we English speakers do have a history using them as makeshift third person words singular words in certain situations...like when discussing a hypothetic future phone caller at your job (whose gender can be either) you will say "deal with THEM this way, or that way...".
That's fundamentally not how English works.
If you want a language where the rules are dictated by academics and there is an "objective" right and wrong, then learn to speak French. But people have always used "they" in a singular sense as well as a plural sense, and so "they" can mean both "third person singular" and "third person plural". If something is widely done, then it literally isn't incorrect.
^ French doesn’t even work that way. I don’t think any living language does. Language evolves with the needs of its speakers. Whether something is correct or not depends on usage, not grammarians.
_________________
“The darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.”
— from Four Quartets by T.S. Eliot
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