Meaning of maturity

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Here is one of those Reddit threads I mentioned:

thread

If anyone cares to read it. I swear it's not just me. Something is seriously off with the world now. It's like all of our creaking social structures are starting to show their instabilities at once, and now they're threatening to collapse. A confluence of many factors and manifestations with underlying common causes.

To name a few: Neoliberalism and "meritocracy" that created vast inequalities in wealth and social status across different subcultures, careers, and lifestyles. The same giving corporations almost limitless power to extract work and cash from regular people. These leading to and extreme concentration of wealth at the top. The suffering and neglect of lower and middle classes during the covid lockdowns, while others worked from home in relatively serenity. The callousness and achievement obsession of many people in Generation X (sorry Gen X, it's a trend I've observed). Raising Generation Z to value confidence and self esteem above flexibility and empathy, coupled with social media and internet culture, and now they're coming of age and having influence. Extreme political polarization fueled by and intertwined with some of the factors mentioned before. Charismatic and sociopathic leaders stepping in to seize the opportunity using their cleverness to take advantage of the instability and manipulate the masses. The shocking lack of meaning due to the sudden full arrival of a new technological modernity and a resulting blending of cultures, leading to questioning prior structures of belief and rapid cultural changes. Media and celebrity culture that regards virtue and morality as quaint and old fashioned. Pseudo-intellectualism that creates "red scares" leading to the demonization of various groups. Etc, etc.

The result is the current disjointed, dystopian world that seems to be just lurching through the motions, filled with people who are secretly frightened and confused inside and cover it over with anger and bravado. And a society that does not promote cooperation and self restraint, so individualism is taken to radical extremes, and people's various ways of trying to cope.

Of that's how it strikes me at the moment anyways.

Maybe I'm going into some kind of psychosis from all the stress, but I don't think so. I don't think I'm even exaggerating things much in my descriptions. Sometimes life is truly stranger / more tragic / more challenging than fiction, I think. Just imagine what it felt like to be in the middle of Europe at the start of World War I. Or more recently, in Ukraine when Russia invaded. I think sometimes the coincidence of many moderately bad things can produce a result just as powerful as one sudden, terrible shock. Maybe that's what we're experiencing now, or about to experience.

Sorry, those last bits were awfully negative in some parts. I believe that we as a society can get through these tough times, though it will surely take some work. And there are certainly many very good things going on as well; it's definitely not all bad. My personal life is very much looking up, and there's work I'm ready to do. Most of the tough things I mentioned are in the past now. I think I've just finally gotten the chance to take a breath, and I was realizing all that has gone on recently. But I have much hope for the world and for myself. Personally, I will do my best to set an example of the ways of being that I think are good, and to become a stronger person so I can be more helpful to others while pursuing the things I value. I hope we can all arrive at a common set of human values that we can focus on: Good things that we all share.

I should also say that my list of possible explanations for the current U.S. national mood were mostly speculation and not that well-informed.

And I also should add that when I discussed Gen X I was just generalizing based on a few examples, and speculating on how their characteristics would influence Gen Z. My impression of Gen X in general is of a group that values hard work and independence, and also a balance of work and freedom, who value conscientious and can skew a little skeptical sometimes. I think these are all admirable traits, which I also value. But also these generational characteristics are always a bit vague and have limited application to any individual person, of course. I have enjoyed the company of the Gen X colleagues I've worked with.

But there are certainly characteristics I see in Gen Z that feel different from what my friends and I exhibit(ed). (We are Millennials.) But Facebook came out my first year of university, and I think the "like" button, which they say changed social media drastically, came out in around 2010. I had a flip phone in highschool and most of college. So in many ways the technological and social worlds were very different during my childhood vs. 10-15 years later, and it's understandable that people raised in these different times could have some different habits, perhaps. I wrote about Gen Z because I do find myself surprised by some of their social behaviors semi-regularly. I'm sure it's partly just that I'm getting older as well. "Kids these days", etc.

In my other hypotheses I was not trying to push a particular political agenda either. But I have heard various explanations for the current situation. I'm sure cost of living and inflation are a very significant part. I also find it hard to imagine the pandemic hasn't had some lingering effects. I also imagine polarization could be a significant factor, though I sense it's a complex thing and is really more than just Democrat / Republican. I have also read some interesting theories attributing many social problems to income inequality, that seem convincing at first read, at least.

I had just been out when I made my previous post and felt I saw so much anger among people, and in my post blurted out what might be possible explanations. But it also occurs to me that a different hypothesis is that economic conditions aren't the (only) motivating factor, and that these feelings of dissatisfaction are some kind of group narrative or meme that has spread among people. Again, that's highly speculative, but I think history shows that charismatic leaders can sometimes inspire movements by creating such stories that help nudge attitudes in certain directions. Maybe it is some kind of story or mythology that plays into human tribal tendencies.

I'm also surely not the only person who feels that our culture is somehow a bit broken in some ways, and who has bleak moments of feeling we all might be doomed. I have heard discussions with older people who say this sentiment comes and goes, and have heard older people saying it periodically for various reasons throughout my life. Honestly when I was in middle school Limp Bizkit and Korn were on MTV, with music a little darker and more out there than I'm seeing now. Maybe things were a bit weirder but I like that we weren't so afraid of judgment back then.

If I were to complain about our current culture, I think my main complaint would be that social media and maybe other factors seem to have pushed us in a direction that feels more superficial and conformist, more focused on self image and appearances, and maybe a bit more tribal. And I personally don't like those directions and would like to see more emphasis on accepting people however they are and on things more genuine and substantial. But then again, I've always felt that way a little bit.

Okay, one last post to tie this thread up. I'll return to the actual topic of the post, since I ended up going all over the place.

On the meaning of maturity: I'm not really sure what it is, still, but I have some ideas. I suspect it probably involves at least these things:

• Self regulation and emotion regulation
• Having empathy and compassion for others and self awareness
• Having a well developed sense of self and values and respect for individuality
• Having a reasonable grasp of social norms and effective social behavior
• Having a reasonable balance between self and others, give and take, speaking and listening

I will certainly continue to work on these. I have been complaining a lot about others and society in general, because I have been on the receiving end of some frankly very cruel treatment recently. I didn't even mention a good bit of it, for fear that anyone still reading would be exhausted from hearing me complain. But, one thing I did realize is that being under a constant state of stress can make you into a different kind of person. I'm not an expert in this, but I suspect it puts your brain and body into a state where they're functioning in a survival mode. If that is indeed the case, then maybe it partly explains what is going on with many people today. I sincerely hope that we can get through these challenging times and heal from whatever these things are that are dividing us and -- to my mind -- threatening the peace and stability of our society.

But that's bigger than me. For my part, I've gotten to a more stable place where I can finally rest again, and whatever comes next for me, I will do my level best to keep making choices to stay in situations where I have the resources to take good care of myself. And I hope others can do the same.

Tl;dr please consider reading the last paragraphs of this message before deciding not to read any of it.

I should probably let this post drift off into obscurity, but I can't resist the urge to try to tie it up, coming back a year later with some hindsight.

Basically, I was in a bad situation in a couple different ways at once. I moved into a neighborhood where a group of young adult guys was ganging up on me and harassing me. I don't know why they were doing it honestly, I guess they just really didn't like me. But they didn't give me any space or privacy and they would get up in my face and make intimidating and belittling gestures towards me every time I went outside, and the long term stress had me just about to pop.

I went into some kind of manic state of planning and got a new job in a different city, found a new place to rent (which required a new job first), packed up my things and moved all by myself with the help of some hired movers to help me carry heavy things.

And the whole time I was slowly ending a relationship with my long term girlfriend who was living in a different city. That was in no way a supportive relationship at all. She liked to insinuate that her exes were more attractive than me and so she was slumming it with me. And that behavior would conveniently start whenever I started to get some momentum going with work going well or just simply being positive and enjoying life. She basically never had anything positive to say except when I was feeling depressed. I still tried to make it work and felt responsible for messing things up when I ended it.

Along the way of desperately figuring this moving out, I tried staying with my mother in a gap between rental leases. Well my mother likely has borderline personality disorder. I cannot diagnose people, but from what I've heard that seems possible. I was really struggling and all she was doing was lecturing me about what a screw up I was because I was a wimp for letting those guys get to me and I was doing something wrong for dumping my girlfriend, and for not having children and carrying on the family tradition. I mean maybe she was right on some level, but I didn't feel capable of doing any of those things and pulling it off and that's the call I made.

So ended up living in a cheap hotel with my pet cats for a week. And there was a group of rowdy guys staying on the floor above me who would come in from drinking and carry on in the middle of the night. A nervous wreck already, I could barely get any sleep.

But finally I made it to my new dwelling and started my new job. Things went well there for a while, but I started to not get along with my new boss because he kept making fun of me for being short and insinuating that I am gay. There's nothing wrong with being gay, I was as much insulted that he thought that was an insult. I should add that I am not gay, but many people have thought that I am for some reason. I have had many gay friends, so maybe that's why people suspect that, who knows.

So I quit that job and miraculously managed to find another one, which I've kept for a year. I have some tension with people here too, but I hope to stick it out for at least another year.

You might be asking, how could all these things happen to one person? Maybe it's my fault, no?

Trust me, I've asked myself that a thousand times. I don't think I'm a narcissist who preys on others, or something like that. I may have some personality disorder or bipolar disorder mildly, if you're into diagnoses. But I am an honest person and I don't put people down. I mostly just mind my own business. It just feels like my fight or flight system is tweaked at the "cellular level" (how it feels). That feeling of being undefinably different or strange is what brought me hear, thinking maybe it is a form autism. For a humorous take, I might have a George Castanza way about me somewhat.

I don't know, but it is quite frustrating sometimes to put it mildly. My parents both have/had mental illness so maybe my temperament is just tweaked somehow that people find hard to tolerate. And please believe me I'm not making any of this up and I don't think I'm exaggerating it. I'm trying to downplay it some even. And I have to say that inspite of my struggles I have filled my life with things I love and mostly really enjoy life. I'm making it work and thankful for what I have. And I will cope. Maybe I'll be that slightly grumpy guy (because internally he's struggling sometimes) who everyone just puts up with at work, but hey I'll enjoy my hobbies at home and at least I'll pay the rent.

But I'm thankful to say that after all that I went through I did manage to work and plan and get myself to a better place. So if anyone reads this post, know that it ends on a note of hope and optimism. If you think this thread is the rantings of a poor mentally ill guy struggling, well be that as it may, he manged to make things work okay. It was hard, but I did it. All those things I went through were stressful, but I made it through all of them and I can make it through what life throws at me next. And if I can do it, so can anyone else. The last thing I want to do is leave messages with a net effect of pessimism here, or anywhere.

If you read this far thank you for hearing me. If not, I don't blame you, since it was quite a ride. I hope it wasn't too self indulgent, but maybe it was. Writing it helped me point out some negativities in my thinking and has motivated me to try to be more compassionate towards others I interact with, so that seems like a good thing.

Don't feel too bad writing about it... Some parts feel similar, I even have a 'job hopper' status (a result of quitting fast and not waiting anymore for 'things to go better') and not living the 'standard' life.

"gay" as insult seems to mean "anything different" to certain people. Also had a friend with that issue but mainly because 40+ unmarried, no children...

In the past I feel I have definitely gone too far with venting about my problems, so I've tried to be constructive but accurate. But thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.

I have been a job hopper too, but I'm trying to stick around this one because people aren't hiring much in the U.S. right now. When my lease ends this year I think I will try to reduce my expenses a lot so I can live more unconventionally and get free when I feel things are turning bad. I definitely feel I made a mistake taking on so much student debt, but it's too late to do anything about it now except make the payments or ask for payment reductions if needed.

It is a little disappointing that people are still so closed minded. I actually thought we'd made some progress in being open to different lifestyles, but maybe not as much as I thought.

I do kind of regret that I went into the generational stuff up above. I hadn't really heard or thought about any of that until a couple years ago, so I didn't realize that my parents were "boomers" or that there was a thing called "gen x". It does seem like people are talking about the generation thing all the time now.

I'm starting to try to avoid thinking in those terms. It feels too stereotypical, and I think we are dividing ourselves into opposing groups in enough ways as it is. And besides, depending how you look at it, a good portion of people are the ones halfway between two generations.