What are your thoughts on having kids as someone with asd?

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I think it is probably a bad idea for a lot of folk with ASD to have children, particularly ASD folk who don't earn much/have much money to raise their kids properly without seeking welfare support.

And with the state of the employment market currently and the property market, things are difficult enough just to survive for many people, never mind throwing kids into the mix.

It seems to me like a lot of people have kids just because it is something they think that they 'should' do, but that doesn't necessarily make them suitable parents.

^it's smart for people to REALLY take everything into consideration and consider every possible contingency before deciding to take the plunge into parenting!! !

I cannot afford a child either...

I'll never have kids. There's so many reasons not to, but I'll just use not wanting my kid to deal with what I did as an one example. I'm proudly childfree.

Everyone’s experience is different, but it’s really about what feels right for you. Some might feel concerned about passing on traits, but it’s important to remember that autism is a spectrum, and every child is unique. The key is making sure you’re ready for the responsibilities of parenting, regardless of whether your child is neurotypical or on the spectrum. It might be helpful to talk to others with ASD who have children to get a sense of what to expect.

I Personally Don't Think I Could Handle A Kid, Halfly Because Mentally I Kinda Am A Kid.../gen

^yes you have to be a mature adult in order to be able to successfully handle and raise children!! !

I'd even argue that the same holds true for getting married as well!


EDIT:I feel too many immature people are signing themselves up for something they aren't truly ready for and it destroys them!! !

They get married and have children not because of true desire but because they want to play "follow the leader" with everyone else!

This creates a scenario of voluntary imprisonment

If I was cisgender, I would have had kids years ago.

I'm a father, and my son seems to be doing well for himself - he's got a reasonably well-paid job and lives with his girlfriend. He's got lots of nice toys and hobbies, and they go on holiday a lot. He's got several friends and he's close to them. As far as I can tell he's reasonably happy and healthy.

I was against having kids till I was about 29 and I became a father the following year. I didn't know about ASD so that wasn't an issue. Mostly it was my girlfriend at the time who wanted kids, and I just figured the relationship was stable enough to cope with it. But I wasn't very well prepared for the job. I had no idea how painful it would be to lose all that personal freedom. In some ways I wasn't mature Even so, I think my childlike side worked in my favour because I was the only adult in his life who could really see it from his point of view. When he was about 8 or 9 he told me I was the only grown-up who cared about what he wanted. I was the only one who stood up to a teacher who tried to bully him.

Sadly the relationship didn't prove stable enough to cope with having a child, and we broke up when he was about 6, which was very hard on him and therefore hard on me too. Really he was pretty much the only reason I hadn't left my partner, but she ended the relationship so that was that. But we were able to co-operate enough after the split to share custody without too much friction. He had a lot of trouble with his mother trying to get boyfriends to replace me in my role as his father when he was with her, and I had to show some maturity to deal with that. It would have been very easy to demonise her but I could see that wouldn't be healthy.

I don't think ASD made me worse in my role. Like I said, I was better at empathising with him. My own father was probably an Aspie, and he'd been a great father, with the same empathy for me that I had for my son. The one devastating exception was that my father occasionally got so sick of my mother's unpleasant ways that he tried to desert us all. The difference with me is that I never deserted my son and never made him feel he was going to lose me. Somebody called me his anchor.

I got a lot out of being a father after the initial shock. It gave me an important role and a sense of purpose in life while it lasted. Right up into his 30s he sometimes brought his problems with people to me for advice, and we remain close. I think I helped him to become an independent adult by giving him as much responsibility for his own life as we (me and him) felt he was capable of handling well, trying hard to strike the right balance between pushing him out into the world and overprotecting him. It was at least as painful to lose the little boy playing on the rug as it had been to cope with his needs when he was very young, but I knew it was inevitable and that his development into a fully-fledged adult was what it was all about.

As he grew up the job because almost effortless most of the time. Money was never really a problem. I don't know whether the world has started to force parents to spend more on their kids recently, but in my day they were affordable and jobs weren't all that hard to find as long as you were reasonably qualified. I didn't do university but I passed a lot of exams at school and technical college, and my earnings were always quite a bit more than enough for me to live on, and my jobs were very secure.

I think it depends a lot on the individual Aspie's personality, just like it does with NTs. I wasn't perfect but I think I did quite well overall. Even his mother noticed my strengths as a father.

I could probably write forever on the subject.

To my teenage daughter, I am "My socially awkward Dad."

Her socially awkward Dad is loved, respected, and valued.

My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me and the most difficult. Not mutually exclusive.

I was terrified I would fail. I think that's universal even among neurotypicals.