Feeling anxious about new people starting at work

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I did ignore him. Never spoke to him once the bullying started. But it's difficult to ignore the anxiety he was causing me, especially when I found myself in trouble because of him.

Ugh, I just hate bullies. I don't really have the emotional skills to deal with them. It's anxiety, and RSD. Bullies thrive on that.

Hypersocial. I have this conflict in my personality where I'm shy or timid yet hypersocial and even extroverted at the same time. Or maybe just that sort of shyness that shy NTs have, where you don't seem shy but you are, sort of thing. I don't know.

Ignoring a person doesn't make them disappear and I know that that's what you want

Making a person less relevant in your life is a different matter altogether

Seeing it as a situation rather than a person could help you to see a different picture. Idk I'm just pulling at straws really

But you're catastrophising anyway because it hasn't happened and might not ever happen again

I felt the same when my old neighbours moved out. I was catastrophising and running through all sorts of imaginary scenarios where I would have to get suited in armour and fight off these "monsters" I'd created in my own head. It was nuts

Then I started thinking about all the good I have in my life and all the help I could get if the worst did come to the worst and that helped me

I have new neighbours now and they're really good so all that anxiety was for nothing

I hope your anxiety is for nothing as well
And do you have decent HR at work

Yes I probably am catastrophising. I never used to be like this. I used to look forward to new starters, especially knowing that it was going to make the job easier. But now I just think "oh what if they turn out to be a bully, like the ones before?"

Apparently we have a new boy starting next week, a 19-year-old. Two of the bullies were both males younger than me, so I'm a little nervous. But I'm not judging him before I've even met him lol, as there is probably a very likely chance that he'll be fine and just there to earn money like the rest of us. I just hope he's the quiet sort and not one of those "Jack the lad", wet behind the ears know-it-alls, as those are the personality types I've had trouble with in the past, even though I'm always pleasant to them and I always give anyone the benefit of the doubt upon meeting them. So when first meeting someone, I don't go assuming they're bad or anything, it's just anxiety or trauma from past experiences and not anything against them personally. In fact I like everyone by default and I naturally make them feel welcome.

Yeah you've been burnt before

Being on good terms with your management or HR could help to make you feel a bit safer

even if you don't go running to them every 5 minutes, just knowing they are there if you did need them could benefit you

I'm thinking that you and me are very different animals in the way we deal with this type of thing Tamaya

I come from a family that has a running trait of meekness and a desire for peace and serenity in our lives, and we fear any social disapproval or backfiring. My mother wasn't on the spectrum nor ADHD, but she did suffer with RSD quite severely. Like me, she became attached to the people she liked at work to the point where she got upset and anxious if they left as she'd miss them too much, and became deeply affected by trouble-makers in the workplace and feel a sense of relief when they left but still be left with niggling anxiety that they might come back or a new person might start with the same issues.

Yeah and breaking that cycle can be really hard and it also comes with its own set of problems as well

Someone once said that the person who breaks the cycle carries the biggest burden

I'm not sure my words were meant to be kind or whether they were meant to help you see why certain types people might sometimes cross the line with you

But they were meant with good intentions

Don't worry BB, I understood where you were coming from.

Well that's alright then

It's all about trust. If I feel I have trust in someone then I can sense their good intentions by the undertone. I know you like me BB, so I know that whatever you post doesn't have malicious intent. In fact I feel the same with everybody on this site these days.

That's a nice way to be Tamaya

It's good you have a safe place where you can feel free to express yourself

Yes, unlike on SOME sites where they let the jerks run the show. It's much safer here on WP.

I've figured denying something petty like taking someone's chocolate bar because you felt embarrassed when approached about it is not as bad as deliberately snitching on your work colleagues for breaking the same petty rules that you break and getting the whole workplace involved and slandering you behind your back, just to stir up trouble and nothing else.

My husband once told a lie to cover his arse. When he was at work one day he'd been asked to order a large delivery. During his work time he went out on to the fire exit stairs for a smoke, and he fell down the steps, which he had to report in the accident book, as he'd cut his knee pretty bad and had to see the doctor. But the fire exit stairs weren't allowed to be used unless there's a fire or a fire drill - or for deliveries, so he put in the accident book that he'd only gone out there to see if they could get the large delivery up those stairs. He obviously didn't put that he'd gone out there for a cigarette.

Yes it's not exactly right to lie but we all do it sometimes, especially to avoid an embarrassing situation. I don't see why I had to suffer consequences forevermore just because of that one lie I told. Maybe it was because I had sounded so convincing and it infuriated the bully. But I didn't know what he was going to do to me had I said yes. Stupidly I was afraid of him. Maybe he ought to have learned not to be so intimidating to make himself feel powerful, otherwise people would lie to him to avoid trouble.

Prick. I'm still living on edge in case he ever returns. Makes my blood run cold.

Last edited by Tamaya on 21 Jan 2026, 4:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I wonder if he couldn't see your anxiety if he would have carried this on

Sounds to me as if the bar if chocolate was an excuse for him

And there's a reason why people like that don't stay in the same job for very long

I'd like to say that more people had this person sussed out than you might realise but I wasn't there so I don't really know