I feel violated...why did he do that??

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This guy definitely did something wrong, but he is still a child (minor) himself (I'm assuming he can't be much older than ShadesOfMe, who's only fourteen years old). The goal is to achieve equity: ShadesOfMe's having been violated demands justice; the wrongness of this boy's actions demands that he learn the consequences of them; ShadesOfMe must feel emotionally intact as possible after such violation and feel safe in her school, and the boy must be made aware that he can't do such things. Punishment, in excess, would be cruel, though. This boy needs to learn appropriate ways to deal with his sexual tension (if that was, indeed, his motivator—not likely if he was truly gay). Expelling him and giving him a criminal record risks destroying his life, though. If he's done this thing before, it's certainly appropriate; but, if he hasn't, he should probably be suspended for a few weeks (and have to do his schoolwork at home, away from his friends; hopefully his parents will ground him concurrently with the suspension from the school premises) and not allowed to go anywhere near ShadesOfMe (with the possible exception of making a sincere apology to her).

This guy is dangerous he's demonstrating signs of predatory behavior. Whatever the root cause of his behavior may be is irrelevant. Just get him in trouble and get away from him. Worry about losing friends later once you can keep a save distance from this guy. Should he manage to try something like that again, you lave the legal right to kill him and nobody can touch you for it.

it's a criminal offence, shadesofme, and he deserves a criminal sentence for the abuse. it's quite disgusting.

and sean - since when did anyone have a legal right to kill someone on those grounds? vigilante behaviour? individual morality and law? sounds like anarchy to me.

1) he must be expelled
2) this must go on his criminal record (even if he goes to juvi and his records are sealed later)

Why? Because if he tries this against someone else (or tries something worse) there will be corroborating evidence which will serve to establish a pattern of behavior so he is taken off the streets before he graduates to rape or worse.

He may not like jail or punishment - tough luck, If I had been there I would have decked the bastard for good measure. Punishment teaches people what right and wrong are. In some cases, right and wrong are easy to discern.

If he tries to assault her and she fears for her life or physical well being, which nobody would be able to dispute in such a scenario, then she could legally kill him in self defense under California State law. If he's substantially bigger than her, than killing him while in danger is probably not feasible, but she can take any action needed to protect her safety with immunity from prosecution or even disciplinary action by the school.

killing seems overboard, but let the authorities deal with him

being sexually assaulted is utterly horrific. however, having one's breasts grabbed is hardly life-threatening, sean.

and that was a plea for a little "putting of things into perspective" from WP's "resident raving feminist" (:roll:), so maybe that says something, hmm?

what would happen if a girl touches the opposite sex?
I don't think the guy would feel violated or humilliated

and you've just summed up why sexism is sexism there, nickname.

it's the power thing.

/me waits to be attacked by choruses of "raving feminist!"

Depending on the woman who did it and what exactly she did, I probably wouldn't be especially upset. Yeah, if I liked her to begin with and she tried to up the ante, I guess it wouldn't be the same thing, though, really.

We are not talking about a guy showing some sexual interest to a woman in a rude, clumsy way.
It is about a person deliberately doing harm to another physically as well as psychologically.

I don't think you would appreciate me violently grabbing your groin by surprise.


alexandra

I think you have to keep in mind that Shadesofme was also physically hurt so this was not just playful it was assult. A guy would feel something if he was physically injured in the groin.

Shadesofme you did the right thing and you will probably find that others feel the same way about him and are happy you had the courage to say something.

Y

There is a difference between a woman playfullly touching a man that has been flirting with her and a big powerful male unexpectadly grabbing a female's breasts causing physical and psychological damage.

Hopefully the authorities can deal with him before his devious behaviour leads to him finding out about being overpowered in a sexual way himself (in prison). Personally i think it was decent of her parents to tell the school. I cannot guarantee that i would be so nice if a relative of mine was assaulted in this way.

any of your so-called friends who hate you because you reported an assault are NOT your friends. You have been molested and this person needs to learn quickly that's not acceptable. If you don't report it and follow through, how many other people is he going to molest?

you also need to consider some counselling - it's a very common reaction to rape and molestation to feel confused, hurt, responsible...

you may also want to get in to see your gynecologist - if your breasts are red and hurting, then the doctor should make the determination of how to treat that...

GOOD advice, Anna.

and... go, eamonn, go! (smiley face)

Thanks a lot eamonn for being so understanding. I told my boyfriend (who doesn't speak english) about that thread and you are exactly reflecting his thoughts.
He just added something about cutting the d** ; no.... he was kidding