Dear Angry Parent - venting thread

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Sorry to be OT, but this line really caught my eye. State law requires the school HELP the parent put it in writing?? Boy, grrr.

Because in MY case, I had to seek advice from the local autism alliance (after having a nearly useless 504 for 2 yrs), where I met a very nice lady who was very eager to help me figure out how to help my son - until I mentioned I wanted her to help me figure out how to get more services from our school. THEN she said, "OK, this conversation is now Off The Record." THEN she told me that she needed to disclose to me that she also works for the district autism evaluation team, and did not want to get into trouble for "conflict of interests." (How is it a conflict of interest? Don't both the autism alliance and the school district want my son to get the help he needs??) She _secretly_ told me I had to put my request for testing in writing, and she coached me on what to say, what language to use, for maximum effect. (But don't tell anybody I helped you.)

I wrote the letters, and I got results ASAP. But it really bugged me that once again, I felt like I was having to resort to "cloak and dagger" and "under the table" to get even basic accommodations for my son, which he is totally qualified to receive.

My point is that NO ONE EVER EVER told us that the school had to help us put ANYTHING in writing. Certainly the SCHOOL never told us this - and we've been meeting with them regularly since my son started attending that school FOUR YEARS ago.

And yes, that's the school with the allegedly stellar autism program (the one we never even knew existed until this year.)


Ok, carry on, people - I'm done with my rant. Now, I really should compose one of these humorous letters - let's see if I can't get my sarcasm on later.

Dear Angry Mom,
Although we told you your son could not attend our school, we are not writing to apolagize.
We have found it less illegal to tell you the following:
We have no problems teaching autistic children, as we are the district school for high functioning autistic children, and were reprimanded for saying the above.
Unfortunately, the IQ test we were counting on to solve our problems came back normal, so we can't ship your son off to the school for ret*d kids.
We feel, however, that your son has a problem with our methods, which we have spent much time inventing, as we cannot afford sending the teachers on autism courses. It is not legally our fault we cannot educate him, the fault falls entirely on him.
Even though you have been on many seminars on autism, please remeber that you are a parent, not a teacher, and therefore know nothing about autism.
As it is illegal for us to say he cannot attend school with us, you cannot apply for a transfer to the school of your own choice.
best wished
school principal

(this is the school a year ago... things are somewhat better now.)

Dear Angry Mom (an oldie, but a goodie),

We are sorry to hear that your daughter has significant health concerns, especially that one that can be fatal if it is warm out and she overheats. As you know, we don't have air conditioners at our school, except in the administration offices and the library, so your daughter will just have to suck-it-up and deal with it when it's 110F in the shade. She can't spend all day in the air-conditioned nurse's office or the library, now can she? How fair is that to the other students?

As you insist that we call you if she has any sort of seizure-like activity or passes out when it's warm, you might just as well plan to come pick her up anytime it's too hot out. Surely your bosses won't mind if you miss 15 to 20 hours of work every week in late spring, summer, and early fall. That still leaves you winter in which to get your work done. After all, which is more important: your child's well-being or being able to house, feed, and provide medical care for her? We're sure it's much cooler under the bridge at the I-8/I-5 overpass by that lovely river and are sure there's room for a tent for your family under there. An added bonus is that she'll qualify for medicaid that way!

Yes, we do understand that 85F is too hot for her and that she has to not be in the sun, or walk the 1/4 mile from her fourth to her fifth class under those conditions. Unfortunately, that's where those classes are so she'll just have to figure out how to teleport herself from one room to the other for four months out of the year. We reserve the use of the on-campus "golf" carts for our security staff, who like to ride around in them to make sure none of the kids are escaping through the chainlink fence in the back of the property. Please talk to your daughter and ask her to not turn gray and become disoriented and/or pass out while changing classes. She obstructs the pedestrian flow on the sidewalks between the buildings at those times, which plays havoc with our teaching schedule. It also emotionally upsets our parent-volunteers, who have to drag her into the shade and dump buckets of cool water on her until she revives.

As to her having to ride the un-airconditioned bus an hour home in the afternoon, sure, you can call our office and when you can finally get someone to answer, we'll transfer you to the school nurse who will write out a slip that she can send to the office to have delivered to the classroom teacher to give to your daughter to tell her to not get on the bus, because you will be taking off from work a half-day to come to pick her up. We realize that you work 40 miles away in another climate zone and have all the time in the world to check to see what the temperature at the school and in your home neighborhood is and then call us and talk to three student-workers, our mentally-challenged secretary, and an assistant vice principal before someone remembers who you are and will check your daughter's personal folder to see that, yes, there is a letter from her doctor in there. Even though you have to call at least weekly over this. We're sorry, but we can't make it a standing policy that if it's over 85F your daughter doesn't get on the bus. You'll have to call each day that happens.

We just cannot understand why you might be upset that you followed this procedure three times in the last two weeks, yet arrived to the school to find that your daughter had not gotten the note, had boarded the bus and was en-route to your home even though the thermometer in our outdoor, shaded foyer read 110F. We also cannot understand why you used such language in the presence of the children when you had to call the local police force to have them stop the school bus to try to remove your daughter when the driver would not stop to let your daughter, who was obviously in the mid-stages of a heat-stroke and barely coherent, off the bus at a stop other than her own without the written permission of the superintendent of schools last week. Quite frankly, we think you are over-reacting and have to caution you that using language like that can be considered a form of child abuse. We're sure you'll regain your composure while waiting with her in the hospital and see that you should try to control your temper more.

We do not understand why you are upset that you cannot arrange with your daughter personally to stay at the nurse's air conditioned office until you can get there 45 minutes after school ends even though there are teachers and staff onsite for two more hours - we cannot have the students having cell phones, even if they are only used after-hours, or staying on campus after school for more than 20 minutes after the end of the school day because of the "security risk" they might cause. Only students who are engaged in "approved after school activities" can remain on campus. Perhaps your daughter might benefit by joining our track team? Then you could pick her up at 6:00pm every day and your problem is solved.

Yes, we understand that your daughter has some issues with communicating her needs to others. What teenager doesn't? Have you ever considered quitting your job, selling everything you own, and moving to Alaska where it's colder in the summer?

We thank you for your interest in our school, and value your opinions.

Best wishes,

Your High School Vice-Principal

[Sorry, it's four years later and I'm STILL furious!]

Ok, RudolfsDad's version had me laughing so hard I had to leave the room and reapply my mascara, because it was literally running down my face!

Thanks for a walk down memory lane, we obviously had very similar experiences!

Kris

Dear Angry Parent,

Thank you for reminding us of the importance of having your son kept in the same class as his only two friends. At the time, we assured you that we would give the matter full consideration. We did, and now his two friends are in the same class as eachother - but your son isn't in that class.

We also remembered your list of massive changes that were occuring this year with moving house, change of special ed teacher etc, and have therefore moved your son to a class with a teacher he doesn't know. To further assist his learning to cope with changes, his new teacher will be absent for 4 of the first 6 weeks.

Finally, we have taken your feedback on board about your son's lack of social skills compared to his improving academic skills. We've decided however that we're going to put him in a remedial class anyway - even though his maths is as good or better than the rest of the class. We've decided that even though he could handle some of the spelling words, it would be better if we taught him to make alphabet sounds from letterland - or perhaps just let him colour in.

Thanks for your feedback - you know we don't appreciate it.

gbollard~ OMG!........so sorry this happened to you....sounds all too familiar

Dear Angry Parent,

As previously stated, your children just don't stroke my ego. All the other children in my medical practice love me. They say hello and look me in the eye and have a nice chat with me.

Your children make me feel like an object. They don't acknowledge my existance.

I'm not sure why your upset that I sent you to the paediatrician Dr J. When I gave you the referral I told you it was because she was good at sorting out all this nonsense about Aspergers - she was supposed to back me up about your poor discipline. Wow was I surprised when you came back with a diagnosis.

I'm also not sure why you are offended that I stated their behaviour was due to your depression and even though your come across as warm at the session, you never know what goes on behind closed doors. I kept prescribing those anti-depressants sure that this would cure their behavioural difficulties.

I also don't understand that you are cranky because I keep insisting that your children look me in the eye and telling them off for not saying hello. I am perplexed as to why they have a meltdown when you tell them they have to go to the doctor.



Regards
Your former General Practitioner

P.S. This all happened (except he didn't say the bit about his ego - I made that up). I have found a new GP!

Dear Angry Parent,
I am writing to you even tho I don't have to, as your child doesn't have a disability plan I am squeezing you in.
As I have explained to you on many occasions I have had children with ASD's before and I know your child, I don't believe for one minute that your child has asperger's.
I in particular have your child during library time and he seems very settled and happy with no indication of sensory problems or social skills needs.
I also fill in in the computer lab, again your son is more than happy to get on with his work.
As we all know J is an extremely sensitive and co operative child we have never had a problem with him at school. If you are having issues with him at home perhaps you need to change something, or if he really does have asperger's just tell him he isn't allowed to do that and it should stop.
Please understand that J's classroom teacher is a very busy woman, she has twenty something kids in her class and doesn't have time for endless encounters with anxious parents, you and J's team of doctors have already taken up an hour of our schools time with their explaination of J's dx.
Whilst you have explained to me that you believe that J is having difficulties with reciprical play in the yard, I have explained to you that if the other children don't like his methods of play they will let him know. I have yet to see a problem in the yard as it is our (the staff) lunch time as well and I will not allocate another staff member to supervise. We are also aware that J's writing is well below year level, but again there is nothing we can do about it, we don't get funding for your kid and even if we did he would need an OT and that won't/can't happen here.
Again I will reasure you that I see no signs of asperger's in your child. If in fact your child does have an ASD he is so high functioning it is virtually non existant, I should know I have had ASD kids before and he is nothing like them.
You need to find a support group and learn to stop worrying!

regards,
self proclaimed professional on ASD's
and vp of your son's school.

Dear Angry Mother,

oh no, not you again. You really should learn to relax a bit more, you know.

I am most disappointed that you haven't embraced your son's teacher's pregnancy with the same enthusiasm as everyone else! Just because she is leaving at the end of next term, doesn't mean you have to get so annoyed.

Sure we've known about the pregnancy all year and we could have put your son into a grade where the teacher would be there until the end of the year. But in our infinite wisdom, we have decided that your son will cope brilliantly with a new teacher, and really, you should get a grip and relax, (pardon me if I already said that).

Maybe you should take up a nice hobby instead of sitting at home sending me emails. Have you considered basket-weaving? I've heard that it's very theraputic.

Kind regards,
Insane Vice Principal.

PS: I can guarantee you that the replacement teacher will know even less about ASD's than his current teacher, haha.

LOL I am laughing, but not laughing. I would like to add mine here...

Dear Angry Parent.

As we have told you, we know tons about autism and tourette syndrome, but frankly we know jack.

We also don't see anything going on with your kids, and since we don't see it, we don't have to accept all 3 of the docs private evals that say they have Autism and Tourette syndrome. In fact, we don't have to give them a 504 or an IEP since your priv evals are the exact opposite of our results, including the academic testing we did that really was basic and lame.

We have concluded, that your insane, that if they had Autism, then the rages would show at school and not just at home (sorry Mrs so and so but they can't internalize everything at school just to let it all out at home).

For the Tics, well we know what a tic looks like and noooo when a child belches over and over again when there nervous, it's not a tic, it's just bad behavior.

We feel at this point you must be evaluated by a doctor because you show signs of Munchuessen Syndrome and we should just ignore you and your doctors.

Signed, a very ignorant school system.