I don't know anyone to invite to my wedding

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I hear ya on this, dband. I had 4 guests of my own at my wedding (2 were in the wedding party and 1 was my mom) the rest were my husband's.

As you don't think your parents couldn't come to Japan within the time scale you're there, I would say go for option 2, the Australia wedding.

Invite your family and his parents / immediate family / good friends from Japan; and he then invites an equivalent number of friends in Australia to equal up the numbers. In that way, you get the real wedding, and you can control numbers down to a fairly low level (less stress for you). Both sides would have equivalent numbers. No-one knows each other, so they won't know who's got relatives or friends etc.

I don't see the big deal. I invited 1 friend to my wedding and he didn't come. I had 5 family members there and my wife had about 20.

^ Ditto. I had a couple of my friends attend but lots of other people on my wife's side. The wedding went fine until it got the the reception afterwards and I was asked to make a speech. Damn! I'd forgotten that the groom is supposed to make a speech. Winged it pretty badly.

I'm glad your fiance is aware of your AS. It will make things much much better when you do get married. It's great to hear he's taking steps to understand you as well.

I asked because neither me nor my husband knew he had AS in the time we were married. It was only afterwards, when he said it was too late to make it work, that we realized he had AS. I wanted a fresh start; he didn't.

Always communicate. Never keep anything bottled up inside you for too long. I learned the consequences of this the hard way.

I wish you the best. I hope that wherever the wedding takes place eventually, that it will be a happy occasion full of good memories.

Would he be happy with a big engagement party in Japan, for his family and friends, followed by a very small wedding? That way he gets to celebrate with all the people important to him, but the actual wedding itself could just be for immediate family.

dband, I was in your EXACT same situation at my wedding, everything that you shared was the same for me. I was an expatriate, which made for a good excuse for the fact that I had only 10 friends from my side and little family and he had a lot more, even though he's an introvert.

From my experience: what's most important is what YOU want. Do you want a big wedding? I very much wanted a big wedding and he reacted exactly like your fiance. What I did in order to have more friends from my side was invite each of my best friends' best friends. It turned out to be a wonderful idea, because they knew me and were happy to be invited, I was happy to have them, and they could enjoy themselves having their best friend with them, and without knowing anyone else to greet and do smalltalk with. And my best friends were happy too, because they had their own best friends at their side all evening. I also invited my sister's best friend. So instead of 5 friends from my side, there was a full table of 10 friends of mine, all single, making a lot of enthusiastic noise and chatting away, happy to finally get to know each other, they pampered me a lot and we were all happy. I loved the wedding, had the best time, so did my (now ex) husband.

Not that I will necessarily get married, but I often joked about inviting many Indian runner ducks as guests

^^ AWESOME!!

Awww they're beautiful!

Not much meat on them though.

dband, post a weddingthread so we can wish you good luck when you "go down".
Then you'll have a lot of good wishes from all over the world to show of.

i think i just pressed "submit" by mistake. sorry if this reply appears twice. anyway. i can't remember exactly what i was typing before the PC mouse acquired a life of it's own,but i just wanted to say that i cannot express how much i appreciated all of the replies to this topic.
but he just packed his suitcases and left. without a word. !.

and i'm not sure what to do.

thank you everyone for your thoughts

Huh? Did you have an argument?