can the popularity contest threads stop?

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TenPencePiece
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23 May 2011, 7:31 am

Why has it taken 12 pages to think of that?

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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23 May 2011, 10:46 am

TenPencePiece wrote:

Why has it taken 12 pages to think of that?

I'm pretty sure something like this was suggested on page 1 or two.

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TenPencePiece
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23 May 2011, 10:49 am

Well, what I should have said was, why has it taken twelve pages to agree on that? Is there still something I'm missing that prevents this?

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23 May 2011, 11:09 am

TenPencePiece wrote:

Well, what I should have said was, why has it taken twelve pages to agree on that? Is there still something I'm missing that prevents this?

Ah... not sure. I don't know what kind of power the mods have over that sort of thing. I think it would work, though.

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23 May 2011, 11:33 am

Meow101 wrote:

Vigilans wrote:

Meow101 wrote:

Vigilans wrote:

Exactly. Some of the comments I've seen in this thread really lead me to believe that it comes down to 'I'm having a bad day. There's happy people. They should be unhappy too, because I'm unhappy' This whole thing is a ridiculous debacle and I'm glad you described it accurately and eloquently

That's ridiculous. Nobody wants other people to be unhappy. THEY don't want to be excluded, as they are when certain people are always being named as "hot, well liked, dateable, whatever" and their names never come up. Give me a BREAK.

~Kate

Meow101 wrote:

there are days when things are bad and I could use some support and I see people patting each other on the back about who's their favorite member and who's hot and predictably it's always the same people...it gets friggin' old

So then what? Don't post at all because there should be consideration that a few people might be feeling really down, and seeing random strangers they have never even talked to somehow infuriates them?
If someone were to be really, deliberately exclusionary, they would name names, or act purposely obtuse towards that person. Thus I interpret this thread as 'accidental exclusion by limited levels of internet social cohesion' . I don't know how this situation is going to change, if people are feeling excluded because there is some banter between members who are (and sometimes are not) familiar with each other.
As to the whole hot or not stuff... who cares?

Like I said, I don't see a huge issue with people joking and bantering. That has always happened, is happening, and will always happen. I don't think many people have an issue with that unless it gets a thread waaaaaay off topic. People feel excluded when these popularity threads get posted and they are excluded from them...how much more obvious do I have to get? People on this site, in particular, tend to have been excluded that way because of their AS/autism, and so it tends to be a sore point with them---THUS, they are more likely to be hurt by such threads than other people might be.

No, it's not a violation of TOS, and yes, it's probably overkill to ban them...but can we think about how other people feel when they see this stuff? Is it really too much to ask?

~Kate

I get what you're saying. I just disagree. You can just ignore threads that are 'WP regular/individual user' specific. None of these threads have a sign on them saying 'you're not invited'. Dox is correct, there needs to actually be exclusion going on- there isn't. This is more in line of 'overlooking' rather then 'excluding', and I hesitate to even use that term, because overlooking still implies knowledge of something that is either purposely or accidentally ignored. Neither of these things occur. I've certainly been excluded IRL and seeing random threads sometimes targeted at specific groups of users one is familiar with (with the implication, this being a public forum, that anyone can reply) on the internet does not equate to what actually is exclusion, which I have experienced. It would be like me complaining in High School to the administration because people kept on living their lives regardless of the fact that I myself was not that integrated into the social structure. I kind of felt a bit out of place sometimes but I realized it wasn't anyone's intention, it is just life, it is not being done at anyone's expense

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23 May 2011, 12:02 pm

Vigilans wrote:

The difference is that this is *not* high school!! ! This is a site where autistic people come for support, not where people come to see who's the most popular! It seems to me that there is a certain segment of the population here that is trying to recapture lost opportunities to be popular that they didn't get elsewhere, and everyone else can just go F themselves if they don't like it. I don't see what the big deal is about confining it to off-topic forums so that people who are not as socially capable can still read the general forums and not have to be confronted with how some people are getting all this attention and they're being ignored, *AS USUAL* for them. Maybe a few people are enjoying the hell out of NOT being in that situation *for a change* and are lovin' it, but it is INDEED at the expense of those who are STILL in that situation. Like I said, for me personally, 3/4 of the time I don't give a crap (I'm over 40 and way too old to care) and the other 1/4 it's an irritating annoyance, but I see people posting in the haven all the time about how they're ignored, how they want to leave WP because no one gives a sh!t, how people here are against them, etc. Maybe I have an exaggerated sense of fairness, but it just doesn't seem fair to inundate people struggling with social insecurities and difficulties with this popularity BS.

~Kate

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23 May 2011, 12:44 pm

Meow101 wrote:

Vigilans wrote:

Yes, exactly, this isn't high school, which is why I find complaints about popularity contests rather superfluous. There is no popularity contest... nobody is being ignored... there are more than 50,000 members!

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23 May 2011, 1:28 pm

Sadly popularity happens everywhere. I think it's impossible to avoid. It happens in autism communities, NT communities, I'm sure it happens in mental illnesses communities too and mental retardation communities because they're all human.

I can remember suggesting years back to not even look in the threads and someone said she keeps looking in them to see if her name ever gets mentioned.

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23 May 2011, 1:38 pm

League_Girl wrote:

That's a little sad...
You know, I have to say, I really disagree with the premise that 'who do you think is n' or 'who do you admire'? are 'popularity contests'. People are not voting for a small cadre of people that have been pre-selected based on some sort of vote summary, they are naming off people that they themselves admire based on how these people interact or their personal insights/humor. It really is unsurprising that people will name off members they are somewhat familiar with (even if the person named is not familiar with them). Even so I have become friendly/familiar with many members here and I have never been named in such a manner. It doesn't offend me at all... If one interprets these as 'popularity contests' that is up to them

Meow101
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23 May 2011, 2:49 pm

League_Girl wrote:

Yes, I wish people wouldn't do that. I don't tend to do it much. Like I said, I don't care 3/4 of the time and even in the 1/4 of the time when I get irritated by it, it's more an annoyance and I don't go looking at the threads because they annoy me. BUT, to some extent, it is a human thing to do. The fact that you mention someone doing that makes me think that someone like that would deliberately go into the off-topic sections to find the threads if they got put there...sheesh.

~Kate

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sinsboldly
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23 May 2011, 10:08 pm

Other moderators just followed the rules and stopped the popularity threads. End of issue.

* Owners of WrongPlanet reserve the right to delete, edit, move, or lock any thread for any reason.

katzefrau
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23 May 2011, 10:29 pm

as concisely as possible:

Vigilans wrote:

it comes down to 'I'm having a bad day. There's happy people. They should be unhappy too, because I'm unhappy' This whole thing is a ridiculous debacle

.........................no. ^

DW_a_mom wrote:

over and over I hear people say they are hurt by the "I like so and so" threads. It's not much different from the day a friend of my daughter's handed out party invitations to 5 friends but not her, right while she was standing with the group. Pretty much everyone knows that hurts and should not be done.

.........................yes ^

Meow101 wrote:

In my opinion, those fighting to keep doing this have reached some level of social success for the first time and don't care if it's at the expense of others. They really ought to take that under consideration, given that it's likely been done at their expense at some point.

........................ yes ^

here's a proposal:
if you admire people, tell them via PM. they'll be very happy to hear it and maybe you'll make a friend.

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Nexus
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23 May 2011, 10:45 pm

League_Girl wrote:

Well considering that most of the talk is exaggerated acts of curiosity or a means to appear loving so others return the favour in kind, it's hardly a reliable gauge to boost real confidence anyway.

If anything it sets up an illusion that can be devastating when it shatters.

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23 May 2011, 11:37 pm

Nexus wrote:

If anything it sets up an illusion that can be devastating when it shatters.

Very astute, putting your self respect in the hands of others is one of the best ways to have none.

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23 May 2011, 11:39 pm

TenPencePiece wrote:

I can see your point, katzefrau. Am I the only one who finds it ironic that there are popularity contests amongst the steriotypically unpopular?

It's because even though were are aspie, we are still human. It's part of human nature.

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23 May 2011, 11:50 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

TenPencePiece wrote:

I can see your point, katzefrau. Am I the only one who finds it ironic that there are popularity contests amongst the steriotypically unpopular?

It's because even though were are aspie, we are still human. It's part of human nature.

It's a means of compensating for a lack of confidence without considering the more challenging but rewarding alternative... To not depend solely on assurances by others and earn their own self-confidence by valuing their own achievements. Every problem has it's own solution and the experience of mistakes and learning from them are more valuable to define you than constant successes without taking the risk.

It took a psychologist for me to realise that.

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