any women here who have never dated, never had a boyfriend?

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a fourth type: the one who had ....not-a-so-nice childhood and they're afraid to see it happening again to their hypothetical future kid. (but if I ever have a child, I wouldn't totally be careless about my child's social life like my parents were, I would follow up deeply.).

a fifth type: those who never feel "adult".

I am both 4 and 5.

/from Istanbul.

no, i really think it's an inherent part of "the human condition". the eternal search for youth. that long lost feeling of magic and enjoyment out of little things and silly thoughts


but don't you wish you could have a chance to feel like a child yourself and not feel guilty for it? not necessarily all the time, of course, just something to be achieved or revisited

i do fit type 4 to an extent, and definitely type 5 too, but the way i picture it, if i'm sensible enough, that makes me a type 2 (and if i'm not sensible enough, a type 3, because i don't think i could provide any children of mine with all the material things they would need without losing my mind)

Damn, I'm planing to have at least two children..

Do you guys do fertility tests? Unless you do, how can you know? And unless you know, you can't tell your date about your fertility. Most probably find out only later on after they get married. At that point she probably won't move on, but still not the best recipe for a healthy relationship.

Maybe....but I would cater for my child's development in things which are very important for the well-being in adulthood that it never ever occurred to my parents (to make sure not to grow to a boring one for a great part of his life).

My parents were good caregivers but not much good in overall parenting I would say, they were very typically Asiatic: they cared only about the schooling(good grades)/food/health part, the basic stuff of parenting, but not anything else.
For example: A big part of my childhood was totally social-less, like never went with buddies on weekends, I recall well I spent summer vacations almost alone barely going out like twice or 3 times because there's no one to go out with (while I know later at school how all others hang out and play together). It is still very puzzling for me how it never occurred to them there's something seriously wrong going in this child's life. If me was my child, I would talk to him/her and find out what's the hell is really going on.
They never cared for extra curricular activities either; they never tried cater for it , like sports and such , even swimming (I learned it alone late)- for example I was used to play keyboard piano by ear when I was like 7-8 yet, fully fledged pieces, yet it never occurred to them to encourage it or to enroll me in conservatoire or lessons to develop this (now lost) talent. They were very oblivious in all these matters.

I wouldn't rate that as a good parenting, overall.

hm okay, to be honest what i said about "type 1 and type 2" is just a vague idea so far. but i guess it's more about choices than about the desire itself (like i said, i believe everybody wants to revisit childhood as adults, regardless of how they'll try to accomplish it). and then the problem with "type 3" is that they never recognize their need/wish, and they never make that choice. and you have to be willing to "renounce childhood" yourself if you want to be a good parent

when i describe this, i'm thinking of my mother. all my childhood she was basically the one child of the house, and we kids were pretty much her dolls... . blind as my father is, i don't think he ever realized what was going on, or how he infuriatingly enabled her childishness and self-centeredness throughout the years


yeah there's a lot of similarities with my childhood too. i was desperately bored most of the time, and there was usually some kind of punishment for complaining that i was bored, or for whatever i found to do on my own (whatever it was, in the end it was never acceptable). "go read a book". like, tolstoy and stuff . plenty of those books around. "go watch tv". but not the show i liked, or else no tv for the rest of the day and the next. "go play soccer". with... ?. as if i liked soccer to begin with. all that my parents ever seemed to care about were my grades (which don't even matter for college or anything. they just wanted to be "proud of me" or something like that)

school was easy for me, so they didn't really have to do much about it, other than go to work and make enough money to pay for it, and then tell their friends (er... my mother's friends) about their pet prodigy. even back then, it was already the way how it felt to me. i really hated them for it. i get along with them nowadays, but it still makes me a little angry when i talk about it. my earliest memory is me waking up from sleepwalking, shouting at them because they had (physically) punished me for doing something the wrong way. they had no concept of positive reinforcement

after a while, my usual response to my mother telling me "mommy loves you" evolved into something like "spit it out. what do you want?". and then she would cry and yadayada. i got used to it. then after a while at least she learned her lesson, and she wouldn't dare say it anymore. sometimes my father makes light of how physical punishment is illegal nowadays, as if it's a pc thing. i seriously feel like punching him in the face when he does that. i think it really scarred me, especially because the punishment was usually applied right before bedtime. like... what the f**k?! who on earth ever thinks that's ever a good idea in any possible way?

i don't doubt my parents were well-intentioned. i do think they were. ant that's something. but they were seriously awfully incompetent. and if they ever admitted it to themselves, it was after my childhood was long over. amazingly though, despite everything, i think my mother wasn't nearly as bad as my grandmothers were to my parents

phew... this always turns into a rant... i shouldn't go there. parenting is a subject i should simply avoid altogether

oh well

/rant

I don't think that's a good idea Outrider. Here's why. If you have a vasectomy and then get with a girl who wants kids, it won't work. You can tell her and she'll think your vasectomy is a deal breaker. But this is no different than if you didn't have a vasectomy and told her you don't want kids (presumably you would refuse to have unprotected sex). Either way she'll view both of those scenarios as the same deal breaker.

You could get a vasectomy and not tell the girl. I wouldn't recommend this because it's extremely dishonest and highly immoral. You could even go through the motions of trying for a baby, without telling her that you've had a vasectomy. Again, highly immoral.

A girl who doesn't want kids wouldn't mind but that girl wouldn't need you to have had a hystorectomy because she would never expect unprotected sex. She's probably be on the pill or have an IUD or have a contractive implant, making your vasectomy unnecessary.

If you're unwilling to lie to girls about your intention to not have kids (I should hope so) that means that for all your life you'll either be alone or with girls who use contraceptives. You don't need a vasectomy when you're alone and you don't need a vasectomy when you're with a girl who's on contraceptives.

You especially don't need a vasectomy when you're alone. You don't need one for the first few times you have sex. If you're already in a long term relationship and the girls IUD or contraceptive implant reaches it's expiration date, you might decide that instead of her renewing it, it's easier for you to take the more permanent step of getting a vasectomy. But doing this before you get into a relationship is overkill when much simpler contraceptives are readily available for the first few times you have sex.

Getting a vasectomy for protection on your first time together is rather like using a howitzer to swat a fly.

It's unlikely that any doctor would give a vasectomy a single man because they think that all people will change their minds and want kids later (doctors are cautious because they can be sued for doing the wrong thing but they can't be sued for inaction (this can sometimes lead to patients dying when a doctor refuses to perform a risky surgery, even on a terminal patient. If the patient dies from natural causes, the doctor isn't liable)).

My ex had the same experience. She has a particular dislike of menstruation. She calls it Satan's Waterfall. She requested a hysterectomy. The doctor refused. She said she didn't plan on having kids. The doctor said one day she would change her mind.

In my view the doctor was right for the wrong reason. A hysterectomy is major surgery. Moreso then getting her tubes tied which is more so than a guy getting a hysterectomy. The recovery from a hysterectomy is quite painful. And afterwards she'd get early menopause, which is far more unpleasant then her period.

So in conclusion, don't get a vasectomy because the type of girl who doesn't want kids won't require you to have one and the type of girl who does want kids would be mad after you've been married for 5 years and pretending to try for a baby and only found out after she made you go to a fertility clinic.

I would be type 7. Tiger dad. I would make my kids study 'till they dropped because during my childhood and adolescence I was extremely lazy and now I feel very guilty about all the studying I didn't do.

I'd force them to become successful professionals and they'd hate me for it. They'd miss out on having a proper childhood.

They'd live a life of enforced austerity because I grew up poor and I don't want my kids to have a better childhood than me because that way I won't have to feel jealous of them.

Taking this into account it's better that I don't have kids.

That's not the same thing. Those couples could try IVF or adopt. And even if it doesn't work, they've tried together and have supported each other.

That's not the same as knowing you don't want children.

i know of 2 girls who are 27 and never had a boyfriend before, but i doubt anyone here can think of any woman over 30 who has never had a boyfriend before

I can, but I can't really describe them because you know, I'm telling the interent.

I can count 4 for definate including myself.

#wait 5 I've remembered another one.

I knew plenty and plenty of over-25 single ones but...whether it's by choice or they ever had a bf before or not, it's hard to tell.

And they're not going to tell a bloke.

I know that these women I know are not single by choice, we've talked about it. Just no one was interested. They've tried asking guys out, but got knocked back.

I have dated only twice in my life. The first guy was five years older than I was, but had absolutely no idea what he wanted to do in life. I met him years later and nothing really changed.

The other guy was really weird and belonged to a really dysfunctional family.

I don't think I could have handled that when I still had plenty of work to do to catch up to where I should have been in life.

I am WELL over 30 and I have never had a boyfriend. So that's that theory shot down in flames!

I have never had a boyfriend, don't have one and never will have one. I don't want or need one. I couldn't get one even if I did want one.

Not wanting a boyfriend is completly different than wanting a boyfriend yet not getting one.

Therefore those who don't want a bf shouldn't be counted.

Please know the difference - it is huge.