Do you yell at your children?

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My parents used to yell at me, which I didn't take well. But wait my mom wasn't yelling she was "talking loudly" but if I talked loudly back I was yelling

This is like asking if the sky is blue, lol. I think every parent has raised their voice or yelled at their kids. We are only human and certainly not perfect. I was yelled at as a child, never spanked. My dad would get really angry when things went wrong. It scared the you know what out of us, but boy did we get moving. My father grew up in a military tight ship household. He was whipped with a belt, grounded and verbally punished. When he had his children, he did not want that kind of home. He still used the grounding and verbal punishments but never spanked us. He points out the things you are doing wrong, in hopes you will fix them. My therapist tells me that this was the logic of the time, but we know better now. Now he takes medication to mellow him out, he doesn't get angry anymore. He does however offer up his opinions about how you do things wrong (rather than pointing out what you do right), which can be a downer. With my kids, I made and continue to make some of the same mistakes. Yelling tends to get them moving. I am really working hard on not being like that, but it is really hard. I slip many times. I am also not very good at being consistent with my punishments. If I say, a week without blah... I may give in and allow blah about 4 days early, especially if they their behavior is "good". I think my kids know how to push my buttons, as well as how to get away with stuff. My fault again, something I continue to work on. My kids do know, that I am there for them and love them. When things for them are going bad, they come to me eventually and I listen. We then find ways to work through the problems together. Usuallly when we do, we come out on the other end much closer than before. I know, and knew then that even when my parents were hard on me, yelling at me, etc. that they loved me. I constantly tell my kids I love them. When they do get punished, I communicate with them that I love them and that their behavior has resulted in the punishment.

Sometimes the best punishments don't even come from the parents, they are natural consequences to their actions. Cuss at your friends house all the time, the parents won't let you hang out with their kid. Act like a fool in school, miss out on lunch or special event. Post disgusting pictures on facebook, people get creeped out and won't talk to you. Get angry and break your favorite CD, you don't have that CD anymore. Carve on a desk at school because your bored, get detention/suspension and have to pay for the replacement desk.

I have yelled but I don't do it often because my daughter is extremely sound sensitive and she will freak out if I yell. I would never EVER call her names or do some of the things mentioned here EVER. My parents didn't use profanity often around me and I don't with my own daughter. When I do get angry and yell it has such a traumatic effect on my daughter that I feel so horrible about it. Sometimes I drop her off at school and then yell in the car just to "get it out" (the frustration). Those who have said yelling makes their children mind-I just don't get it. Maybe a firm voice but not yelling...that's extremely violent to a person with sensory issues!

My stepmom used to yell sometimes....she still does from time to time, but mostly these days her voice just has an "edge" to it, and she's really condescending... Once when we were at a restaurant, she had taken too many drinks, and I showed her a drawing that p***ed her off for some reason, and she started ranting...when my dad didn't take her side, she got up out of our booth, told my dad, "Come on, let's leave her here and never do anything for her AGAIN!"

And then she stormed out of the restaurant, and went home in her Car (we'd taken both Cars). I fully expected my dad to follow her out of there, but to my surprise, he didn't....he stayed there, and after awhile, we both went home. I was 14.

I've gotten snide comments about my weight, been told I looked like a "clown" when my attempt at shaving my legs one summer didn't turn out so well (I cut my legs to ribbons sometimes when I shave, but she could care less about that), was told that I "didn't HAVE to go to college" when I ended up failing math one semester but got all As in my other classes (and I've suspected for a long time that I have a math - related learning disability, but never got tested) and was also threatened with abandonment two other times by my stepmother. I have no idea if what she did/does is verbal abuse, or if I'm just misinterpreting it all or have a "skewed thought process." My bio mom has lived out - of - state for several years now. I created imaginary friends (most of them anthro Cars) to act as surrogate parents for me bcuz I didn't know what was wrong with me that I didn't have a "real mom."

I'm really sorry this is so emotional, and for thread - jacking....I just want to say, please be mindful of the things you say to your children...something you think of as simple kidding around can really hurt them.

Yes I yell. I have 2 asd children who have blinkers on constantly. I say things like "L and Q are not listening, so mummy is yelling, use your listening ears"

The only time I have sworn at them is if they do something dangerous like darting onto the main road, or running away at night time ect.

Then There is the times that I have a migraine and have been known to scream at them to shut up.

I never yell. I raise my voice only when he's doing something dangerous. It's not a socially acceptable behaviour to yell at people so I don't think it is an appropriate thing to model for him. I think that yelling at him would send the message that it's okay to verbally abuse people.

I'm the same. After yelling I go through feelings of guilt. My daughter is very forgiving, but I sometimes can't forgive myself.

I don't yell nearly as much as I used to. My daughter's behaviour has improved a great deal over the past couple of months. Before that, most mornings, she wouldn't get ready. She'd do anything but what she was supposed to be doing. As the time for leaving the house approached, my patience would eventually be gone. Most days, I'd shout, 'We're going to be late', 'Come on', 'Put that toy down', 'We need to go right now' or something like that. The yelling did not help in the least; she just carried on with whatever she was doing, despite my obvious anger. It made me feel bad too, but it was just one of those things I couldn't help. To be honest, the patience of a saint would have been tested and failed, I'm pretty certain of that. Now, I hardly ever raise my voice. Now I know what it's like to live with a child who is much easier, I wonder why the Mums of easy kids yell at all.

I decided to add in my own account unto this. My biological mother use to yell, but for completely external factors. Stress at work, she'd come home and yell at us. My brothers and I were kind of afraid of her so we remained in our rooms mainly. We had an awkward family home situation. My dad was calm and gave us just enough "noose to hang ourselves" before he intervened. While our birth mother yelled and caged us in. She was emotionally abusive, verbally. When we were children she use to hit us. When we got a little older she'd just raise a hand and pretend she'd hit us to get us to do something. She raised out of fear, she never raised us out of good parenting. I had a mixture of love and hate for her when I was a child. And now I have completely disowned her as a true mother after the parental divorce.

Just make sure when you yell it's not because of external factors outside of the home or outside of the child's control. Those are always painful to stomach that we the child are getting in trouble for something "July" from work would do. [july an example name]

THIS.

I wish I could say I never did this. Or that I never yelled, or never yelled out of frustration or anger or whatever, but I do.

However, ESPECIALLY when I lose it for reasons that have nothing to do with what's going on at home, I make sure to include that in my apology; exactly what (to the level that it's appropriate) was going on and how it upset me and how it had nothing to do with DS and wasn't his fault. I also apologize and make sure that he knows when he is the one who has me frustrated, it's still not his fault that I yelled because my actions are under my own control. I don't think he's able to make the distinction and it is an important one for a kid on the spectrum to learn.

One thing - having better support, a better understanding of what's going on, and better tools to use has reduced my yelling considerably; it's fairly rare these days, I am grateful to say. So, for those of you parents I read beating yourselves up, you have to ask if your various resources (school, therapists, social workers, family, etc.) are giving you what you need to succeed, and you have to give yourself time to absorb all the lessons of parenting.

There is a difference between a mother who apologizes and one who does not. My birth mother was not one to apologize. She didn't care much about her children, let's go with that.

At least you're taking the steps of being a great mother. That's always admirable.

My mom yelled a lot when I was a kid.....and to this day it's still hard for me to talk to her. So I don't think its a very good way to handle issues in the home.

Yes, that is admirable...my stepmother hardly ever apologizes for her outbursts, and when she does, it's really awkward. So, that's great that you apologize. We need more moms who do apologize when they've made mistakes. I'm sorry I didn't make the distinction.

Yes, I yell. You have to yell sometimes, and I don't think it does any harm. I don't call them names or berate them, but I certainly yell when I need to. There isn't anything wrong with that at all. Tiptoeing around our children so as to not in any way hurt their feelings or upset them doesn't do them any favors. We shouldn't try to upset them, of course, but out in the world they will be faced with many situations where they will get upset and it's much better to learn to deal with it in a safe place than it is with strangers.

I can't remember ever being yelled at by my mom. Everyone else seems to get a kick out of it, though.

Most of my family members use profanity, so it shows up quite often when I speak out loud.

But all-in-all, as long as there's a small make-up session where the parent explains to me why they yelled at me, it makes it easier to understand from their point of view.