40+ Something L & D- Lessons Learned (10/10)

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Lessons learned...

I'm going to remain alone until I can get things straightened out and put myself out there

My current situation of having no job, no hope of a job due to a disability and no diagnosis means no financial assistance !

I really hate being alone and unloved ! !! !! !! !! !! !

I really hate having life go by and I'm not living a bit of it.

I'm just barely existing,..... surviving, and no woman would like that.

No woman would possibly date me at this point in time.

No woman that would date me would be worth dating imo.

No one is going to knock on my door, my phone is not going to ring.

Stevo1965,

If this is what works for your particular paradigm, then by all means do it!

Hyperlexian,

Hello and how is my Baby Sister doing? As usual, you are spot on - when a romantic relationship is over because there are insurmountable obstacles - then the prudent thing to do is to make a clean break as graciously as possible. I have never understood why some people want to torment their ex significant other by proliferating needless meanness and agony (especially in light of the fact that you once were in love). There is no glory to be attained in "being right" or "winning."

I envision an ICBM with a wedding ring set on the tip of the nosecone...

I agree with this part of the statement whole heartedly ! !
BUT not knowing how one has lost and/or how you were being wrong when you believe you did the right thing at the right time.

Not knowing is like getting an electrical shock even when everyone told you.the power is turned off. It just needs to be verified by someone, and that someone needs to be a qualified electrician with a meter.

Getting answers as to what/why it didn't work will keep you from getting shocked again and again.

I just ment that I in general support and agree; from a perspective of painful broken three long term (3 - 10 year) relationships over the course of 25 years and have decided, that marriage is not something I want to strive for - rather self knowledge and a sense of peace and healing.

thanks and i am doing great! how are you, big sister?

Hyperlexian,

I am glad to hear that you are doing "great." Overall, I am doing well except I am fighting off a nasty cold - the weather has been exceedingly variable here (rapid 30 plus degree weather in less than 24 hours changes kick my butt) and I'm medicating. TheraFlu rocks!

I had a great Thanksgiving with my Mom, my brother and his family! My brother and his family live far away so I don't get to see them much.

It's incredulous to me that Christmas is right around the corner and then New Year's! I eagerly look forward to the New Year!

Leslie

I just ment that I in general support and agree; from a perspective of painful broken three long term (3 - 10 year) relationships over the course of 25 years and have decided, that marriage is not something I want to strive for - rather self knowledge and a sense of peace and healing.[/quote


Mntn13,

I can definitely relate to the pain and anguish you mention after the breakup of a long term relationship. After I separated from my ex husband, I did not go on a date for nearly two years because I was writhing in pain. The analogy I utilize to describe the pain is this: I felt as though I had been crucified upside down with a stake impaled through my heart.

End of th day, you seem to have found a mode which works for you. Good luck with the healing and self-knowledge. I have been on a similar path myself and it is liberating!

Leslie

Gadge,

I hope you are doing well. When the lines of communication are flowing smoothly between both parties in a relationship, the incidence of being "shocked" should be rare and not the norm. In short, when both parties are keeping the other informed as to their feelings and needs in a timely fashion, then it would seem there would not be any big surprises/shocks!

Leslie

Yes definitely, communication is essential

Lessons learned:

I’ll start with the background. I’m 48 and have never really dated. I let two men chose me and I chose them by default (not making a conscious choice.) I had a 20 year marriage, and a 7 year relationship; both men were verbally abusive. The part I played was not holding them responsible for their actions.

Current situation: I have a guy friend that shows Obsessive Love Disorder for me. I made it clear from the beginning that I didn’t want a relationship. He seemed so meek and mild, so unlike the other two men. But I have found myself giving in to his demands to “keep the peace.” I need support to stop doing this. It started out so simple, little things, but has snowballed. On the bright side, I did stand my ground that I did not want a relationship and we will not officially date.

I had a first date earlier this month (not obsessive friend) and did not ignore a red flag. In the past, I have overlooked them. So I’m not going to see him again. I have a different date next week and I’m really looking forward to it.