Do you feel like a burden?

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just copying and pasting from a conversation with Google's AI:

The "burden-to-society" belief about disabled people absolutely qualifies as a cognitive distortion because it aligns perfectly with the definition:

Inaccuracy/Bias: It presents a fundamentally inaccurate and biased view of reality. It assumes that needing help inherently equates to being a "burden," which is a subjective and often negative judgment, rather than a neutral observation of human interdependence. It ignores the vast contributions disabled people make to society in various forms (economic, cultural, social innovation, diversity of thought, etc.). It also overlooks the fact that everyone needs help at different points in their lives, and that societal structures are often the disabling factor, not the individual.

Irrationality/Illogical:

All-or-Nothing Thinking: It often operates on an "all or nothing" premise – either you are fully independent and contributing, or you are a complete burden. There's no room for nuance, for being a valuable member of society who also requires specific accommodations or support.
Overgeneralization: It takes the specific cost of some disability supports (which are often inflated or misattributed) and overgeneralizes it to mean that the person themselves is a drain, rather than seeing it as an investment in human potential or a societal responsibility to create an inclusive environment.
Emotional Reasoning: It often stems from an emotional response (e.g., discomfort with difference, fear of perceived weakness, or a sense of unfairness) and uses that emotion as proof that the belief is true ("I feel like disabled people are a burden, therefore they are").
Negative Impact: This belief has profoundly negative impacts:

For Disabled Individuals: It leads to internalized shame, low self-esteem, reluctance to seek necessary support, isolation, and psychological distress. It can prevent them from pursuing education, employment, and full participation in society, thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of exclusion.
For Society: It fuels discrimination, ableism, and a lack of investment in accessibility and inclusive policies. It limits society's collective potential by marginalizing a significant portion of the population and failing to leverage their talents and perspectives. It also creates a less compassionate and interdependent society.
Automatic and Habitual (Societally Reinforced): This isn't just an individual thought; it's a deeply entrenched societal narrative. It's often passed down through generations, perpetuated by media portrayals, systemic barriers, and a lack of education about disability rights and the social model of disability. People often adopt this thought automatically without questioning its validity because it's so common.

Exaggeration/Minimization:

Magnification: It magnifies the "cost" or "difficulty" of providing accommodations and support, often ignoring the benefits and moral imperative of inclusivity.
Minimization: It minimizes the value, contributions, resilience, and unique perspectives of disabled individuals. It also minimizes the societal benefits of an inclusive approach (e.g., diverse workforce, innovative solutions, improved quality of life for everyone through universal design).
Lack of Evidence/Ignoring Evidence: The belief persists despite overwhelming evidence that:

Many disabled people are employed, pay taxes, and contribute economically.
Accessible infrastructure benefits everyone (e.g., ramps for strollers, curb cuts).
Diversity, including disability diversity, leads to stronger communities and organizations.
The "burden" often lies in inaccessible systems and prejudiced attitudes, not in the disabled person themselves.
In essence, the "burden-to-society" belief about disabled people is a classic example of how a cognitive distortion, when widely adopted and institutionalized, can lead to widespread prejudice and harm. It's a failure of accurate perception and logical reasoning, replaced by bias and fear.

My vote is Yes. I have some physical disabilities in addition to autism & other mental disabilities & comorbids that majorly limit my independent living functioning.

Me & my mom fought alot till I moved out at 30. During fights as a kid & teen mom sometimes threatened to kick me out, put me up for adoption, & send me to juvi or military school. She never actually did any of that but just made threats when she was frustrated & angry with me. As an adult she sometimes threatened to call the police to have me removed from the house. Mom said things like kids are supposed to move out from their parents once they're out of school. I've been accused of being manipulative, selfish & expecting & demanding my parents take care of me for the rest of their lives because I was too lazy & narcissistic to be more independent & move out. Mom seemed to hope that guilt-tripping me would motivate me to magically get enough income & find a place to rent so I could move out. The thing mom didn't seem to quite grasp was that I was still living with her & dad not because I was happy living with them but because I didn't have other options except for being homeless on the streets.

The three jobs I've had in my life were federal minimum-wage type things & I was extremely lucky to get those jobs. I got on SSI at 20 after looking for my first job for over a year with no luck & I also had a mental breakdown partly due to stress & frustration of not being more independent as well as my first relationship falling apart. After I got on SSI my parents quit paying for my private health insurance. I got Louisiana Medicaid after I got on SSI but no doctors in my area would accept Medicaid because it didn't pay them enough so I had to start paying for my private health insurance which was half the cost of my full SSI. Plus I also had copays & deductibles to pay & it did not cover mental so I had to pay the full cost to see my psychiatrist. I also paid for my cellphone service & the home cable & internet along with my personal stuff. I simply could not afford to give my parents any money to cover my daily living expenses like utilities & food when I was not working. When I was working my SSI got reduced by 50% of my gross pay so I didn't have a lot of extra money by working unless I worked overtime which was only allowed some of the time & then I was averaging 48 to 60 hours a week depending on how needed I was. At least while working I could give my parents a little bit of money to help cover my expenses & the hassle of bringing me to & from work since I cant drive & my area had no public transportation system. We had tried looking into housing assistance type options for me & was basically told that I would have to be homeless before I would get placed on a list. There were some housing assistance options for certain disabilities that I had but mine weren't at a sever enough level or my official diagnoses were not quite right to qualify.

I was able to move out at 30 because I moved in with my current girlfriend. She has various physical & mental disabilities in addition to autism. She's never worked officially but she has SSI, Vermont Medicaid, Section 8 housing assistance, & food stamps. Cass isn't sure how she lucked out with getting housing assistance except for her counselor helping her & Vermont being a lot more progressive than Louisiana is. She had lived alone for a year but had major problems handling it due to depression & anxiety. She was kind of planning to move back in with her parents but hated the idea of that before she read a bit of my posts & considered having a relationship with me.

I think being emotionally supportive is one of my few relationship strengths though I do not go about it in the typical NT way. However I feel like I'm not helping her enough & I'm not sure how to go about helping more. Cass would really like us to be married but getting married would screw up her benefits. Plus we both have LOTS of debt. I kind of feel like I'm failing her sometimes by not having a job that would pay enough for us to be married, though Cass NEVER blames me or expects me to have that kind of money. However the great news is that the doctors in Vermont actually accept the state Medicaid & my SSI switched to Social Security a year or so before I moved & the only other benefit I have bedsides Medicaid & SSDI is Medicare so I would be allowed to work part-time without it screwing up my benefits if my income stays under a certain amount. Problem is that I kind of need someone to direct me with where to apply & I have no one to do that. Cass needs someone to lead her into things & I need to be directed so our strengths & weaknesses don't balance each other well enough though we can relate & understand each other better than anyone else has been able to understand & relate to us. I also majorly got out of shape since I quit working & I don't think I'm capable of doing the menial labor I did when I was working unless I get more in shape first. I've been trying a little to get in better shape lately & better address a health issue & I might slowly be making progress on that stuff. However the real inflation rises a lot faster than our government benefits do & the economy is getting worse right now. It's very hard not to feel too discouraged to try sometimes.

Not to society as a whole, but sometimes on the people who are most obliged to deal with my shortcomings and failures.

Looking back -- I had developed hyperindependence.

I feel more disappointment towards anyone than shame towards myself.

It makes being dependent or relying on anyone feels like a gamble. An unpredictable variant. I have zero trust on. A shaky foundation to ever put any intent on.

I just want to be reliable even just for myself.
For anyone to not worry about me at all.

So it's less of feeling like a burden.
And more like I want nothing to do with them carrying any burden, for anyone to hold onto against me at any point of time.

For the longest time, I had resolved to not make anyone use my diagnosis or label the reason why I can't, shouldn't, mustn't -- or worse, "should" owe anyone of.

Only myself. Only my consciously willful decisions.

I refuse any "empathic" impulse to prod me into guilt or shame if I'm unable to, let alone ever decide that for me out of emotional manipulation.


In my own case, I simply want nothing to do with expectations due to the idea of having debt.

So instead of feeling like a burden because gratitude and guilt of not paying back...

... I just cut to the chase that one shouldn't be so naive, so I made it so clear; to make it that I never need people more than anyone ever needed me.

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In spite of my being something of a self-advocate, I think I have some really bad internalized ableism. I have no job, no car, and I'm still getting money from my mother for groceries twice a month. Every adult you hear about who lives that kind of life is always a complete loser and the outcome of it never good. Lucky if they don't end up murdering their own parents or whatever. And then I worry that I'm using my disability just as an excuse to be lazy and unmotivated.

My mother doesn't seem to think I'm a burden. She says she likes coming to see me twice a week, even if she has to drive for about half an hour just so she can take me grocery shopping. But the world doesn't see it that way. My mom won't be around forever, and then what?