Just need to ramble

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Om Nom hugs

I'm so tired of never being allowed to go anywhere by myself. Since I'm an adult I can technically legally go wherever I want now, but my parents will throw an actual screaming, aggressive shitfit if I even talk about taking a walk around the block.

Due to not being able to hang out with anyone I never have been able to have long term friends irl, since no one my age wants to deal with that (I don't blame them, I wouldn't want to either). I also have no idea how I'm going to even get a job like this? They complain I don't have a job, but am I supposed to pull one out of thin air and then just never go to work because if I talk about leaving for work I'll get screamed at and argued with?

My mental and physical health would honestly be 100x better if I was able to just go outside on a regular basis. Being inside all the time is horrible for anyone's overall development, but if I mention that might be causing some of my issues I'm told I'm an ungrateful little a**hole who doesn't appreciate that my parents care about me. I can appreciate their concerns while also not being so goddamn naive that I think it's perfectly fine to stay inside literally 24/7?

My parents act like I'll get immediately kidnapped and murdered if I go outside by myself. They say if I can drive they'll let me go places, and then will not teach me how to drive as they obviously do not want to give me an excuse to expect them to let me go anywhere. There's always a reason why I can't do something that even my other siblings were able to do, and then more reasons why I can't be allowed to gain the skills I need to do that thing.

It's very obvious that all of this is just because they want to have control over me and they know that every ounce of independence I get makes it so they don't have that control over me. They deliberately sabotage my relationships with other family members so I can't have anyone else help me gain independence, and even guilt me by acting like if I get a job/get friends that I can meet up with/learn to drive/etc. that I am somehow neglecting them emotionally (and in my mother's case physically since I am expected to take care of her all the time).

I'm just so sick of people preventing me from being able to live my life and having those same people complain that I can't do the things I need to do.

Do you have any idea why they are so overprotective? Did something dangerous happen when you were young? Is it because you're trans and they worry about how you'll be treated? (I hope it's OK to ask that). Maybe it's because you're the youngest? I wish you had the money to do private driving lessons on your own. It must be very frustrating.

They say because I'm the youngest, was born premature, and am trans that they don't want me to go anywhere or do anything by myself. I get those concerns and think they are valid concerns that probably helped them become overprotective, but there's still a definite control aspect to it that prevents me from being able to reason with them.

My parents dont seem to think that they have a lot of control over other things in their lives, so their solution is apparently to keep me dependent on them. It becomes very apparent when I develop more independence in some aspect of my life and they freak out instead of being relieved that I am not as incapable of handling life as they say they think I am.

My mom doesn't even want to let me go to other sections of a store without her, and will yell at me in the middle of said store if I insist on being able to get something by myself, since she knows it embarrasses me and will get me to relent.

By 19 I had moved out for Uni, and I didn't go back. By 19 my daughter was in Uni and living most-of-the-time with her boyfriend's family. They were looking for a flat together. I can't even fathom what you're saying. I'm so sorry that they treat you like that. You seem like a very responsible person.

I honestly feel guilty for complaining about it, and I try not to do so, but it gets very hard to cope with sometimes, especially when they don't seem to fully consider the future repercussions of me not being able to get used to doing very basic things. They tell me I am overreacting when I express being upset over not really being able to be an adult at all, so I often feel like I'm being dramatic even though logically I know I'm not.

I'm sorry about still rambling about it. I dont really talk about the extent of what they don't let me do often since they tell me not to so I get very frustrated over it sometimes.

By the way, it means a lot to me that you think I am responsible. I do think I could be independent if I was given the chance, so it's nice to hear that other people believe that I can be responsible.

I believe it, too.

I've always thought highly of you, Hero. You have integrity and yes, you do seem very conscientious and responsible!!

Is there a way they would allow you some freedom to be more independent ... indoors? Maybe that would help - by showing them that you're capable of more responsibilities without the danger of going outside somewhere?

I know you take really good care of your pets. Is there something else you can start doing that might impress them?

Thank you, Kraftie.


I do try to do other things like clean, cook, yard work when I'm allowed to, etc. I have even helped my mom get bills done and get her appointments for her doctors, and when my dad is gone I take care of pretty much everything else that doesn't involve driving somewhere else. I also sometimes go the store with my mom and do the shopping, because she will buy a bunch of things we don't need and I can budget what we buy + plan out meals.

I think I'm as frustrated as I am because it seems like it doesn't matter how many independent skills I show them I have, they'll still insist I can't go anywhere by myself or even go on a walk. They'll even tell me to my face that I am one of the more responsible and trustworthy kids they have, but then they won't show me they think that by, y'know, actually trusting me to do things on my own? lol

Do you have sisters? I wonder if it's something to do with gender. I've only heard about your brothers.

I have a sister. She moved out (got kicked out? I was 3, so I'm not sure) at 16 and moved in with her dad (me and my siblings have three different dads). She was taught to drive and got a job she even used to take me to sometimes when she lived with us.

The only sibling-related experience that I think could make them act like this is the fact that my oldest brother went to jail for 15 years at 16-17 for getting involved in an armed robbery. Though my parents still never treated my brother who has Asperger's and is only a few years older than me like how they treat me. He was taught to do a lot more things, like drive, and was allowed to get a job when he wanted one and to hang out with his friends.

I meant to say "maybe it's something to do with sex (not gender)". My bad. Sorry for that.

It almost sounds like they cling to you because they're dependent on all the help you give.

I'm sure you've tried reasoning with them, or taking small steps toward what you want?

Do they use Covid as an extra excuse?

You sound very capable Hero ! Just based on what you have written here .

That's okay, I don't mind. lol

I think that's definitely a factor. It seems to be a mixture of genuine overprotection, wanting control over something, and becoming reliant on the help I give them.

I have spent probably most of my adolescent life trying to reason with them. They often get angry at me because I don't relent and constantly try to come up with small ways they could let me do more things, like taking a 5 minute walk around the block or whatever.

They do use it as an excuse. Currently everything I suggest is replied to with, "We'll try that after COVID dies down," which could take a few years...


Thank you, Jakki! I appreciate that.

When going through childhood and adulthood my parents were concerned about my naïveté , and with good reason, had fallen in with some bad influences growing. Up . And knew no better . When was very little , they even had concerns about me using a men’s room alone . But I managed through it and survived ,
And you do sound prepared to take on things in the world . Best wishkes in your family issues .

This isn't really a response to anyone, it's just more of me venting, but I've realized lately that my parents don't take me to doctors or therapists when I need to go to one either because they are very aware they're not supposed to be preventing me from going outside and being independent. They think I'll tell someone and get them in trouble. I think that's another reason they don't want me to be independent, because if I go to doctors and other places by myself I could end up mentioning this.

My dad has even said to my face when I was younger that he doesn't want me to see therapists because he was worried CPS would get involved or something if I told anyone my home situation. I was always told to not tell teachers anything, because teachers were even concerned over my misbehavior and anxiety when I was in elementary/middle school and would ask me if I was being abused/neglected in some way.

I only am venting about this because it prevents me from taking care of my health and I've recently realized this. I have a lot of health issues that I've had for years, and some of them get worse over time, but they promise to let me go to doctors and then will prevent me from setting up appointments or refuse to take me to them. It gets very frustrating not having control over your own physical wellbeing even though you want to care for it.