Half marathon
You have reason to feel proud of your performance. I started with half marathons then progressed to full marathons.
As others have said, your dark and prolific writing about your daily experiences shows an offbeat form of talent.
"can", "should", "could", and "will" are all four different things. it is not possible to objectively measure the quality of mental wellbeing. not everything that improves is worth the time, $$ and energy.
got no "talent".
got no future.
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baby bird
thank you
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day after half marathon, not the slightest bit tired or sore. (at least, not any more tired than usual. exhausted all the time.)
i turned in a request to rearrange my work schedule, in the middle of january, for a certain 15kilometer race. work had the nerve to refuse. so i didn't go. i would've had to take sick days for the expo and the race, and pay $$$ for the race. not worth the time, $$ and energy.
then yesterday there was another half marathon i wanted to do but didn't do. if i went there, i would've had to take three different buses, starting 5:15am, to get to an 8am race. and then i would've been sleep deprived. and besides, after the race, sweat makes shirt feel cold.
planning to do another half marathon in three weeks, if and only if i:
do not get sick/injured/disabled (health)
do not get made redundant ($$$)
not raining or anything like that (weather)
race not cancelled
and that's my last marathon. i'm 42 and trying to run far and run fast makes me feel like a heart attack.
42 is old enough.
work aggreed to rearrange my schedule for that week.
if on the day of the race, it is says "sold out" on the website, i will not go. (but only 150 people went last year, so i find it hard to imagine).
if, on the day of the race, i am unemployed/disabled/injured/sick/busy/something like that. extreme situation only. then i will not go. if its raining i wont go.
walk there, 4 miles, flat. arrive 6:45-7:30am, start 8am. pay for race. if its sold out, i walk back home. no problem. not an inconvenience. race. after race, walk or bus back.
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three weeks after that, there's a marathon and half marathon, one bus ride from my house. it's farther away in terms of distance but the public transportation is more convenient.
there's a half marathon scheduled for this saturday.
if i go i would have to take one (not two) days off work, with sick hours
take the first bus of the day, take the train, take the first bus of the day
(if either bus late or cancelled, which happens often, then i would be late for the half marathon)
if credit card not working, then i won't be able to do it
run on wet grass (rain scheduled for today)
waste $$$
sweaty clothes cold temperature on the way back home
besides, lately, work has been cutting my hours, so i could go run a half marathon on my day off
so whatever
won't be able to take second nap of the day
have to work the day before and the day after
they have a "hikers division" that starts half an hour early.
if i take the first bus, then train, then the first bus of the day, and it's not sold out, and i don't get lost, and the bus isn't late/cancelled.
haven't gone jogging since middle of november, the last half marathon.
then there's a half marathon two weeks later. it starts only 4 miles from my house. i could walk over there. work already gave me a day off to do it. there's no expo,. just race day bib pick up. if its sold out i could just walk back to my pigpen. if its raining im not going. it said it's on gravel and concrete.
i'm not going to the half marathon tomorrow.
don't wanna use sick hours
what if the buses or trains are late?
credit card might not be working
race might be full
might be raining or wet grass
haven't gone jogging since the last half marathon
besides there's a half marathon two weeks later, four miles from my pigpen
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 34,202
Location: Right over your left shoulder
There's always potential "what-ifs" when trying to do fun things. If one always convince themselves that negative outcomes will occur, they'll quickly turn into a paranoid, anxious shut-in who never does anything for fear of potential outcomes. At that point, why keep wasting oxygen, especially when one still isn't totally insulated from risk?
Sounds like a deeply unsatisfying way to proceed through life, but not something worthy of being described as living.
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The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.
i didn't go to the half marathon two days ago.
there's one next week. i took a day off work for it. it doesn't have an expo. if it's not sold out, i could pick up the bib right before the race.
it's only 4 miles from my house, even though i live in a ghetto.
if i'm injured, disabled, unemployed, busy, if it's raining, or any other unusual situation, i won't go.
if i go there and it's sold out, i will just walk back. nothing lost. no time, energy, or $$$ lost.
i just don't like the concept of running on wood. but whatever.
"you win some, you lose some".
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 34,202
Location: Right over your left shoulder
it's a balance.
it's good to do some things. you have to balance risk versus reward.
I agree wholeheartedly that one has to balance the risk vs. reward. You just seem consistently risk-averse to the point of it causing greater harm than it prevents.
I wouldn't suggest being as reckless as I was at times when I was younger, but sometimes the fairest read of a situation is that the worst likely outcome is survivable and that with the abilities one possesses, a desirable outcome is within reach.
You often talk about some people picking all of the battles, which can't be true because you only see some of their battles to begin with. But, what you do see is them picking battles you wouldn't, because they trust they have a reasonable chance of winning those battles. Especially when they involve people who rarely or never pick any battles.
I'm not saying to become reckless or belligerent, but instead to be mindful that experience with taking risks or with pursuing conflict tends to make one better equipped to manage those situations successfully in the future.
It might also lead to less passive-aggressive rumination on here, since fewer defeats should mean fewer grievances to collect.
Feeling miserable and defeated all of the time is one of the harms that results from not taking the right risks when the opportunity presented itself.
_________________
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.
