Humorous Canada thread

Post Reply New Topic

I think I'll cook a beaver on a spit and eat it.

TIFU by believing in my Montreal Canadiens

half an ikea plastic cup (in total) of schezwan sauce, mango smoothie, nutella, paprika, strawberry nesquick, seaseme oil, chili oil, garlic powder, lemon juice, and whatever else was not disclosed to me.

These are all things you do not want to have to chug while your roomates record you (or in general).

It all began with a good ol' hockey rivalry: Toronto vs Montreal. Let's do a friendly bet I said, loser has to drink something random that a non-biased person gets to create I said. I will never say anything again.

Anyways... we shook hands and the game begins! We score!! !! WE SCORE AGAIN!! ! A THRID GOAL... 3-0 First period, what an amazing start, my buddys face is pale and I am dancing around with excitment.

My team (pretty bad to start the season) has been an absolute wagon (rolling) lately, but I have played hockey long enough to know a game is never over until its over and being cocky never works. So I contain my excitment, and silently wait for the next 40 minutes of play. This is when everything that could go wrong went wrong, and I mean everything. We would hit the post or the other goalie would make the craziest save and ten seconds later the puck is in the back of our net. Fast forward until theres 20 seconds left and now the score is 7-3 the other way.

7 un-answered goals, on home ice, truly embarassing night. I am a man of my word though so cue the best part:

The drink.

I was not allowed to observe the creation of my mystery drink and the rules were as followed: no alcohol (taking meds that do not mix well), nothing non-edible, and we both veto'd fish sauce before we shook hands because that was a hard no. Everything else was fair game; the drink had to be liquid and at most 5 lines on the plastic ikea cup (roughly half). The drink was also made by a third, non-biased roommate cause its gotta be fair right.

Anyways 5 minutes later I am greeted with the most vile, diarreha looking, substance. In the corner of my eye I see the strawberry nesquick bottle on the counter, but yet I am smelling seasme oil... what is even in here? After 2 minutes of mental preparation, I cannot wait anymore so I plug my nose to begin chugging, when I am told by the winner that I cannot do that (I didnt agree to these terms, but in the spirit of a fair loss I obligied). 20 seconds later my mind comprehends the sheer disgusting flavor of my mix as it trickles down my throat. I am left with a burning after taste that slowly grows worse.

As I write this, my stomach is unsettled. Wish me luck for the morning. Please do not be like me, make smart decisions.

tl;dr Believed in my team, made a friendly bet, they were up 3-0 and proceeded to let in 7 straight goals... I had to drink half a cup of a "mystery" drink and now I am sad we lost and my stomach will never forgive me.

Many Americans think Canadians are friendly and polite, but we're really a just a bunch of Eh-holes.

It's more complicated than that, but not being Canadian myself, I won't go into any detail.

Although I recently saw my Grandfather's death certificate which indicates he was born in Canada, but I happen to know he wasn't. I won't say where he was born, though. But if that were true, then I'd be 1/4 Canadian lol.