Why am I so well adjusted?

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Galelieo Ace, you remind me of Michael Marino. He was born Autistic, but you would never know he had it because he displays no symptoms of it today. Sure he takes a few special ed classes, but he plays football and basketball. Did you recieve early intervention maybe Galelieo?

By the way Michael's dad Dan Marino is being inducted to the pro football hall of fame Sunday and the hall of fame game on Monday between the Dolphins and da Bears will be the unnoficial start of NFL season.

Please note that this expression is not universal, and the Bible in languages other than English do not necessarily contain it, nor do all English translations (instead referring simply to "pupil of the eye"). It would be interesting to look up ancient biblical texts and check what exact wording they have. Can anyone read Hebrew and literally translate the verse? http://www.mechon-mamre.org/p/pt/pt0532.htm

It would be interesting to know how reads the original text. I am willing to bet that the apple of the eye thing is directly from and english translation done at the time the phrase was popular.

I think this is a tangent.

What was the question?

Oh.
Well, I don't know why you are so well adjusted. Lucky?
I'm not, and I like it (most times).

Hmmm... If I were there, you could also see me staring at train schedules, but for an opposite reason. Studying schedules and timetables is great fun, and if they also contain schematic maps, uhhh...! I actually can't picture myself at a meeting such as you described. I don't particularly enjoy groups (especially of more than 4 people), and I probably wouldn't be interested in the discussion anyway. I have 101 rules and routines to combat absentmindedness (or "executive dysfunction"), and they usually work. When they fail, it's an occasion for laughter rather than despair. On the other hand, talk about social skills and issues is usually too advanced for me, at least on such a level as is common on WrongPlanet. If I were on such a meeting and someone handed me a train schedule, I would most likely immerse myself totally into it, even if I did not intend to make any train rides, or if the schedule were from a place across the world.

My point is that everyone is different, and that especially affects aspies/autistics, who are "different" from a norm in many aspects and directions. Noticing and acknowledging this difference is especially difficult for many aspies/autistics, though.

By the way, what is Maslovian pyramid?


What are NDs?

Now that I am more awake I can comment more on that support group post.

I would not be able to do something like this. Had anyone there made suggestions like that to me I would have probably said "this is a joke" and left. I would have perceived those statements as being very NT-like and may have even responded to someone saying "why don't you just do such-and-such" by asking that person, "are you stupid?"

This is all speculation of course because in reality getting me to attend such a meeting would be like trying to pack a full grown living African Elephant into a small plastic lunchbox. Also, I cannot think of any benefit that I would get from such a meeting, or environment. It sound more like a social type of thing anyhow, which makes no sense to me.

I mean no disrespect, but neither the question nor the response seem logical to me. A productive approach would be to discuss the issue, identify the problem (not easy!), and develop a solution or a workaround in form of a routine or set of rules to follow. The fact that someone has developed a routine for themselves and is trying to provide pointers to those who did not, however ineffective these pointers may be, is not a sign of stupidity, though. If you say "I will never be able to do this-and-this", then you certainly won't be. As a programmer, I sometimes get stuck on some bug, and spend 2 weeks throwing hands in despair, as everything that I try turns ineffective. Then one thousandth idea miraculously fixes the problem. Same with problems in real life.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is about what every human being needs, and is gradated from bottom (basic survival) to top (goals to achieve full potential). basically, it's this:

self actualization needs (full potential)
ego needs (self respect, personal worth, autonomy)
social needs (love, friendship, comradeship)
security needs (protection from danger)
physiological/body needs (warmth, shelter, food)


Mslow was a psychologist who wrote Motivation and Personality (1943). this is a reasonably simple link about him:

http://www.deepermind.com/20maslow.htm

I too have programmed a great many things and understand about working around getting stuck, but I do not have that ability in social situations. Actually the statement I made was perfectly logical for me bvecause it was an honest representation of exactly how I would have reacted in that situation. In effect, I have simply posted exactly how I would have reacted in such a situation (one reason I would avoid it to begin with). I would not be able to discuss the issue. it isn't a matter of me saying "I can't do such-and-such," it is a matter of me knowing my limitations and being familiar with what I am able to do and what works, or doesn't work for me. In a social situation I do not have the luxury of trying 1000 possible solutions in order to find the one that solves the problem.

I think I understand why it doesn't seem logical to you and that is because you have an ability that I do not, so that prevents you from connecting with the logic that I have because what may be easier for you to do in some situations may not be a matter of me simply "trying harder," but instead may actually be impossible for me. Because you are able to think this way in a situation does not mean that I am, just as because I am able to compose a complete CD's worth of sonatas in the amount of time it would take to listen to the CD does not mean that you are able to do the same.

The difficulties I face in social situations are one reason why I have to have a companion, to act as a bridge between myself and others. In one post you talked about the differences betwen Aspies, but in this post you sort of made me feel like you expect me to somehow be able to do what you would do in certain situations and it makes me feel defective in a way because I can't. It may be difficult for some Aspies to understand how others are not able to function in a social situation to the level of trying to identify and solve social issues that are deeply embedded at the core of that people's disability and in my case it is a disability, though it may not be for many others, who in turn may not be able to understand why I am considered disabled, especially if they are exposed to some of my limited, yet remarkable capabilities.

The fact that someone would try to suggest to me "why don't you do such-and-such" would be an immediate indicator that they either a) do not know me, b) know me but chose to disregard, or disrespect my limitations, c) assume that if I try harder to overcome some of my limitations that I will be able to be as functional in the social arena as they are. In no way was I suggesting that anyone go to a meeting like that and call someone stupid if they make that type of suggestion to them. I was posting the manner in which I would have reacted, what would have happened after the initial reaction is unpredctable. If I were able to regulate my reactions then perhaps I would still have a laptop computer, my companion would have not had to replace headphones, the bed would still have all of it's bedposts, I would still be wearing my 12 year old glasses and I would still be allowed in the post office.

Also, it has to be remembered that while I have very good communication skills when writing, that my verbal skills are not nearly as impressive. Here I can experience what it is like to be a self-advocate. IRL I do not have that ability and I have no way to apply my written experience into a verbal exercise, short of being able to instantly create poems as I speak them. Also, the other conditions I have been DX'd with (all of which are embarassingly obvious if I think about them in certain ways, though I am not embarassed by them) compound many of the overlapped traits.

There is nothing special about my insight. I have a doctor I trust and I communicate with him honestly and I listen to him. I have a mom who I know loves me (though I can't comprehend what that really means) and a companion who has sacrificed nearly everything for my welfare. These are the only people I am comfortable communicating with verbally and my companion and my doctor work together to help all of us understand certain things about me. I can choose to accept, or deny these things. If at first I deny it I usually find that with a little time I understand it and find it easier to accept. If I follow HIS advice and that of my companion's, I usually find that my life easier to cope with.

Many Aspies here are not considered as being affected severely enough to have to live in a home for people with special needs. That is a reality that I have to face every day because if something happened to my companion I would most likely wind up in such a place. How do you think that makes me feel? Think about it. If during the course of you trying to learn new social rules ina situation, someone said that you need to be in an enviroment tailored specifically for people with special needs, how would you feel? I do the best I can to the best of my abilities, however if forced to choose between trying to connect socially with someone and using that energy to pursue creative endeavors, I will choose the creativity every time.

EDITED: tried to clarify a couple of things.

Last edited by DeepThought on 04 Aug 2005, 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

that is cause i have been to loads of social skills groups and stuff like that just need to work on my independence skills and life skills

20


Say, is an empath when you literally feel what the other person feels?

A couple days ago someone at my plant was doing a very stressful job and was having trouble making himself heard. He lept off the towmotor and grabbed the bar out of the man's hand and threw it on the ground. Watching it, I felt the frusteration and anger so much it hurt, like if I touched a live wire. Is this empath?

I have trouble with recipes and transportation, as well. I can understand where you are coming from on this. I tried to make a simple dinner of tacos from the box and almost completely screwed it up (I would have if I hadn't asked my mother to come down). Additionally, I could have burned the house down. For some reason, I can't seem to follow the instructions step by step as they are on the box, I just skip around without even noticing I'm doing so. As far as transportation, well, maps might as well be written in Greek (which I have *no* background in whatsoever) as far as I'm concerned.

As others have already said, it's quite common in aspies and autistics to have difficulty understanding others, so I don't think you should take personal offense at what was being said (though I understand your frustration, and I believe it was thoroughly warranted).

DeepThought, thanks for your insights. As usual, I read them with great interest and pleasure. The amount of your writings somewhat overwhelms me, so I will address only most important points. Hopefully I will be able to write more to you later.

First, I would like to apologize for making you feel defective. I do have a "can do" attitude, and I sometimes present it in a "you can do it" way. I don't say it to people whom I would consider defective. It is true that I don't know you well, and neither you know me. In social situations I am quite "defective" myself. My "1000th solution that worked" referred rather to everyday life issues, such as personal hygiene, for example (I don't want to go into embarrassing details, suffice is to say I had big problems with that until I figured out an effective routine). I can't give you any effective or non-effective pointers on how to deal in social situations; I wish I could.

I understand that, but that's your reaction that would not be logical, as it could not lead to any positive result, whether speaking with an NT or an aspie.


Limitations are an unfortunate fact and many cannot be "fixed"; that's why I was careful to include the word "workaround" in my post. For example, my record of socialization was so dysmal, that around a year ago I decided to admit the truth, forgo any attempts to make friends, and concentrate on physics instead. Shortly after I found a workaround to my problems. No, I didn't suddenly become less affected by my limitations. Rather, I found people who could understand me better - this community. It is not a perfect workaround, and in fact my life became much more overwhelming than the simple "empty" existence that I had before. But I always liked difficult challenges.


"Trying harder" is usually ineffective. On the other hand, "trying smarter" often works, and that is what I advertise.


Yes, I choose to disregard, though not disrespect, other people's limitations, and focus on their abilities instead. For example, I say that Stephen Hawking is a great man and that I would want to be like him - in saying so I disregard his disabilities. Do you think that this is wrong and/or belittling?


I would only wish people to be as functional in the social arena as I am if they were my enemies.


I have no clue, as I never faced such a situation. I will gladly read your insights about it, if you'd be willing to share them.

Oh great, the stove repair person is here and he talks LOUD! I hope I can get all of these quotes in order...

I tend to start writing sometimes and simply can't stop. I sometimes find it difficult to make a point and often I just don't know how to reply to things. I also struggle with reading long posts, which also makes no sense to me since I type so much myself.



I have difficulty sometimes when reading posts. It seems that the social problems I have IRL also affect me here somewhat as well. I have trouble determining intent, or the tone in which the person posting is using. Sometimes people post things that I quickly take offense to and they were actually just trying to be funny, or something. Once my initial reaction kicks in I can't stop it. IRL my companion has to shield me in ways and she is always watching out for negative reactions that something might provoke in me because by the time I realize I am upset the damage is usually done. I never had issues with hygiene, except for a short period in 6th, or 7th grade when I refused to wash my hair for months. Generally I am very obsessive over hygiene and won't leave the house unless I have had a shower, so my routine in that respect is more of a ritual.



I think I covered this in the last paragraph. My inability to regulate reactions, or calm myself down has been known to cause problems IRL as well as online. I can't describe the feeling I get when I think about having to need someone with me to help me in this area.



I have never really felt as if I have an empty existence, just always found it hard to fit even, even here. That's why I am usually content to simply confine myself to music, or computer stuff because I don;t have to try to instantly come up with a workaround. In social situations, by the time I realize I may need to find a workaround, it is too late.



I am not sure that I can differentiate between trying harder and trying smarter. In my mind they both seem to mean the same thing for some reason.



I do not know if you are asking me for my opinion here, or if you are saying something else. I will assume you want my opinion. When someone disregards my limitations it often feels as if I am being pressured to to try to do something that I have failed at miserably many times before. I believe in focusing on abilities, but in that regard I mean known abilities. It is hard enough for me to admit that I can't do something. I went for a long time believing that I could do anything I wanted to. Usually I failed, so I thought I will just try harder, or try it differently, only to emasse failure upon failure. I have had to come to the point of accepting that I do have limitations, some more profound then others. When I say I am not able to do something, I appreciate when the person I say it to just says "OK" and leaves it at that, or suggests that I do something that is withing my abilities. If they say "sure you can, you just have to try (in whatever way)," it makes me feel as if they have not listened to things they have been told about me, or that I have tried to communicate myself, which makes me feel like they either do not care, or they don't respect my limitations. I am not sure if I thik that disregarding them is wrong, or not and I don;t know how other feel about it. I do know that I have a limited range of abilities and I do know what things cause problems when I even slightly attempt to do them.



I do not understand what you mean. When I see the word enemies and then the wink, I get a little paranoid that you may consider me an enemy, but the rest of the statement I do not understand at all.



I need to stop using the term belittled, as it is one of those words that I know how to use in the proper context, but I do not really know what it means. I cannot really descibe how it feels, it is very complicated. It scares me, for one thing because I have been told by my doctor that I would not survive in that situation. I also know that I would lose a lot of my liberties and privacy. It really makes me feel odd, in the sense that I tried so hard to be independent, but had to be supported by my mother for most of my adult life. It is very hard for me to think about the fact that I do require assistance in order to survive. In a way I find it ironic (I do know what that word means) because during my struggles for independence, despite being supported by mom the whole time, I would see other people in that situation and think to myself "I am glad I don't have to live like that." Now every time I am reminded of the possibility that one day I may be in a group home, those thoughts come back to haunt me.

This is most interesting. I didn't know autistic spectrum conditions included such sensitivity to other people's emotions.

I used to have a lack of awareness as to the level of my pedantry and now that I've found WP find it even obvious HERE, lol.

For awhile I thought I was one of the most high-functioning Aspies until I started meeting the rest of the Aspie Spectrum and have realized I am very par for the course.

(Though I am gifted in understanding metaphor, which is somewhat unusual I think, and also logically understanding the motivations of others. I am also incredibly introspective which has aided me my entire life.)