What’s on your mind? The Haven version.

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And I will try and respond to both of you.

Well some of my friends here may have vanished off the site, but I still have friends here.

That is very good to hear. <hug>

Yeah, that applies to many that are still here.

Every day when I go into work now I become nervous that I'm in trouble about something petty and stupid that I didn't even know I'd done or didn't know it would be a big issue. But then I just blame myself for always making stupid mistakes and doing stupid things without thinking first.

It's strange how I'm an overthinker but when it comes to some things I do I actually don't think at all. I think my problem is that I overthink things I shouldn't and then get anxious, but I underthink things I shouldn't and then get depressed after I've faced the consequences. If I overthought the things I underthink, and underthought the things I overthink, I'd be more normal and wouldn't have anxiety or ADHD.

ADHD = don't always think before doing things
Anxiety = overthink too much

I need a new brain, I hate this one I'm cursed with. If I believed in God then I'd say he's punishing me.

The world has gotten so horrible I can't stand it. I know I'm worthless anyway, so I should just go to sleep and never wake up.

Being serious for a moment, I think that the internet just isn't good for my mental health.

It's contributing to my suicidal ideation and psychosis every time I think about how bad the world is getting now. I'm terrified about my future.

I think I just need another break, before I do something else I'll regret later...

There are some horrible places that are hard to avoid. Easy to blame the internet but it is the people. Can't avoid it entirely but happy it is no longer my work...

I'm so sorry you're going through this

Please take care of yourself

I just did the two hardest things I did in my entire life. I poured my last energy drink down the drain. I also put my instant coffee downstairs in the ledge in the lobby. It's no longer worth it for me to stifle my emotions.

I felt terrible and tried to masturbate to cheer myself up but failed.

I feel bad.
I just saw a video in which a guest on a variety show joined everyone to make fun of the shyest person on the table for no reason, and was happy to see his uneasiness.
It reminds me of my college life and arouses my anger.
I'm blowing the cold wind by the lake to calm myself down.

When I stop pursuing any special interests, it's hard to see what I have left that gives me some sense of motivation. Like those special interests were all I had to feel some sense of purpose.

I respect that. I hope you have positive improvements in your mood and outlook

Am Glad each and everyone of you inspite of crappy circumstances are still able to post here on this thread.
And , I do not get Columbus day Anymore ,cause these old bits of Viking stuff found on the East coast areas and inland
from the Atlantic Ocean side of the US .And Worse, Why doesn't my Doctor take the day off, like the banks and government buildings do ? But I do not get to quit having to see Doctors inspite of a this today?

I understand what you mean. There are times when I'm not as interested in my special intense interests, and I just kind of sit around in my chair day after day waiting for that spark to ignite an interest again.

I am motivated by my family though.

One interest I had was one I worked with off and on over the course of several years. It was a two hour long musical. I never thought I could actually get the whole thing written. But this past July I did a final bit of revision on a certain part of it, and it is now finished. I have written around two dozen songs for it complete with the lyrics. I have all the dialogue written. I have all the sets figured out so that each scene can transition into the next with little time between the curtain. When I finished, I felt like crying with joy. I quite literally felt an electric tingle emanate through me. If felt like I had really accomplished something great --- an entire musical for the stage. Strange -- no one around me seems to care about it. No one but I have read it. No one around even asked me, "Can I read your musical?" It sits gathering dust against the door to my private music room. I'm not asking for pity here, but seriously, it hurt my feelings.

Sorry, I rambled off from your concern. Yes, I understand. But please, always try to keep a spark beneath an interest. If you find it difficult to rekindle an interest, try meditating on an interest before going to sleep. Sometimes that can cause excitement for that interest again. I wish you the best.